


The Western Shore

by KitCat_Italica



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF!Loki, BAMF!Thor, Babies, Brotherly Love, Buckle Up Because We're Going On A Journey, Cunnilingus, FertilityGod!Thor, Fluff, Humor, I promise, Intersex!Loki, Loki Whump, M/M, Magical Healing Cock, Men Crying, Miscarriage, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Pre-Thor (2011), Torture, Unplanned Pregnancy, Vaginal Sex, all the way to
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2019-08-25 02:32:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 34
Words: 76,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16652614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KitCat_Italica/pseuds/KitCat_Italica
Summary: Loki goes on an emotional journey through the most important ten years of his life.  It all begins the night before Thor's coronation, when the big blond idiot forgets to pull out.





	1. What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [All That He Wants](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15294858) by [hjbender](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hjbender/pseuds/hjbender). 



> So this is what I've been working on for the last four months, and now it's finally here! I credit hjbender's All That He Wants/All That He Has series for the initial idea of Loki's reproductive torture, and Thor's magic fertility cum :D Check out their works, they write all the lovely amazing Thorki you could ever ask for!
> 
> This was originally gonna be a gigantic oneshot of around 20-30k words, but then it became 40k, then 50k, then 60k...so I decided to break it up. Hope the chapter breaks don't seem too abrupt or oddly placed? If they do, it's because they were meant as scene breaks, not chapter breaks.
> 
> There will be specific triggers in upcoming chapters, which shall get their own warnings in the beginning author notes as they come up. But this first chapter is quite lovely and happy to start us off with :) Hope you enjoy!

“Loki, please?”

For the ninth time that night, Loki rolled his eyes at the question. “ _No._ ”

Still, when he looked over at the prone form of his brother lying in his bed, gloriously naked and streaked with white from their previous three orgasms of the night, he had to fight back a smile. It didn’t help that Thor was looking at him with such big, pleading eyes that would put a puppy to shame.

But Loki wouldn’t take the bait. “First of all, you should have been asleep two hours ago. You can’t attend your own coronation ceremony struggling to stay awake. As your brother, that’s _my_ job.”

“Hang on!” Thor protested. “Who was it that invited me to his bedchamber tonight, with the promise of ‘such delicacies befitting a future king?'”

“What was I supposed to say in front of Mother and Father? ‘Fancy sucking your brother’s cock when you’re finished with dinner?’”

Thor smirked. “I would have paid a handsome sum to see the look on Father’s face if you did.”

“Right,” Loki scoffed, “like I need another reason for him to be disappointed in me.” He could feel Thor about to argue that point, with the familiar reassurances of ‘He’s not disappointed in you,’ and other such niceties that older brothers are supposed to say. Well, maybe not just older brothers. Maybe that was just a Thor thing.

Whatever. Loki didn’t feel like hearing it. He was getting sidetracked, anyway. “Second of all, you have been perfectly content with my mouth and my ass for the last four hundred years. Why you need to add a third hole to your prized collection is beyond me.”

“That’s not what this is about!”

“Then what _is_ it about?” Now Loki was heading away from gentle exasperation, and more toward true annoyance. 

At his tone, Thor grew sheepish, and shrugged. “It’s special.”

Loki’s eyes started hurting from how hard they rolled at that. “Why do we bother praying to the Norns at all? We might as well build temples to vaginas, the way every man seems to worship them.”

Thor laughed at that. “I don’t recall any complaints about how I’ve worshipped yours.”

Loki hit Thor with the nearest pillow, which worked well to distract Thor from how hard that made Loki blush. Oh, how arrogant Thor could be about his skills in bed!

The worst part was that he had every right to be arrogant. Thor was a master at deepthroating a cock, and an artist with his tongue when he ate out a cunt. Loki had never had anyone half as talented between his legs, and he used to bed Fandral!

“But in all seriousness,” Thor said, though he looked prepared to flinch from another pillow assault promised by Loki’s warning glare. “That’s not what I meant, that penetrating your cunt is special in itself. Well, it is. But it’s because it’s with _you._ ”

Loki raised an eyebrow, in an expression of _What bullshit is about to come spewing out your mouth now, Brother Dearest?_ But he didn’t say anything, thereby allowing said bullshit to continue unchallenged. For now.

Thor started caressing Loki’s thigh, the gentle touch enough to make his skin break out in gooseflesh. “It’s such an intimate act, shared between lovers. I would not want to share it with anyone but you. And since this is our last night as two princes, I wanted to make tonight special. That’s all.”

Right. _That’s all._ As if the ideas of intimacy and equality and feeling _special_ to someone weren’t the wishes carved into Loki’s heart. All it took was someone speaking them to send that heart racing. Particularly if that someone was his stupid perfect idiot of a brother.

Well, if he could get the one concession from Thor that was required, then…maybe…

“If we were to do this—”

Thor jolted upright and lunged for Loki’s lips. But Loki stayed him an inch away with a hand on his chest. “ _If_ we were—”

Thor nodded eagerly.

“Will you promise to pull out?”

Loki caught the microexpression of disappointment on Thor’s face before he could cover it up. But he quickly said, “Of course, of course, Brother!”

Ah. So _that_ was an important part of it for Thor, as well. Loki couldn’t entirely blame him for it. It always felt so much better to have an orgasm while clutched in another’s clenching heat. Loki had done that with enough men and women to know that, Thor included. 

And on the receiving end, he welcomed that spreading heat inside him when Thor released his seed deep in his bowels. He’d never had it in his cunt from anyone, but he imagined it would feel just as good.

However, though they were not mortals and therefore had no venereal diseases, there was one potential side effect of Thor coming inside his womb that Loki most certainly did _not_ want.

“I mean it,” Loki said. “I’m not negotiating on this.”

Thor was already climbing on top of Loki. “I will not spill my seed inside you in this act, Brother. I promise I will pull out.”

But just as Loki tried focusing on relaxing his vaginal muscles, preparing for Thor to take him, Thor leaned down and licked a long stripe up the middle of his quim.

For the rest of his life, Loki would deny that he ever made such an undignified yelp as he did in that moment.

Thus began another of Thor’s masterpieces, brushing and licking and delving and circling all the right spots in Loki’s feminine sex that had Loki mewling for mercy. He had always tended toward oversensitivity even long after an orgasm. And Thor knew it, damn him.

Thor didn’t tip him over the brink, just kept him on that edge while coaxing out Loki’s generous offerings of slick. He’d pump Loki’s cock every so often as well, keeping both his sex organs fully interested in the proceedings. Norns damn him.

Finally, Loki couldn’t take another second of teasing. “Fuck me, Thor, fuck me, fuck me _now,_ you insufferable—”

And just like that, Thor’s mouth left him. That was even _worse._ But Thor didn’t leave him bereft for long.

He leaned over Loki’s body, guiding Loki’s thighs along with him, till his knees were near Thor’s ears and he was bent almost in half. Loki grabbed Thor’s hair and yanked him down, kissing him hungrily. Thor growled into it as he kissed back.

And Loki shouted into it as Thor penetrated his cunt. He didn’t draw it out, either, just pushed in and _took him_ in one smooth motion. Loki wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Thor paused there when he was fully sheathed. Loki could feel him trembling with the effort to hold still. If Loki had been at all coherent, he would have rolled his eyes for the eleventh time that night. Now was not the time for chivalry, now was the time to pound into his little brother without an ounce of shame!

Loki tried to voice that sentiment, but all he managed was “Fuck, go, just fucking _go_ —!”

Fortunately, Thor got the message. He started pistoning into Loki’s cunt in smooth, powerful thrusts, grunting with each one. Loki met each grunt with a moan of his own.

He could hardly keep his eyes open, as the pleasure kept dragging them closed. But when Loki could catch glimpses through delirium-blurred vision, he could see Thor in all his glory. His rippling, bulging muscles, his sweat-damp skin, his mane of golden hair that rocked with their lovemaking…

But it was his eyes that did it more than anything. Thor’s usual sky-blue eyes were blown black, his lids heavy with desire. And all that passion, all that devotion and raw lust was aimed squarely at _Loki_ , as if he were the only person in the world who mattered.

That, combined with the sweet burn in Loki’s cunt as it stretched to accommodate Thor’s impressive girth, sent Loki hurtling toward an orgasm faster than he’d ever experienced before. He was almost there, almost almost almost—

“Loki, I’m…” Thor panted between thrusts, “I’m close, I’m—”

Yes yes yes good _yes_ —

Then Thor started to pull out. No! Why was he leaving, _why?_

Loki did the only thing he could think of in that moment: snap his legs around Thor’s hips to pin him inside his cunt. “Don’t you dare pull out, or I’ll cut off your cock and you’ll never come again!”

Thor paused. Loki whined in need. “Thor, please, please give me your seed, _please!”_

Then Thor was kissing him again, and he was fucking him again, yes right there just like that yes _YES!_

Loki had learned over the years that neither one of them was very quiet in bed, so when this secret affair had begun, he had doubled the strength of his silencing spells in his chambers. Once again, they came in handy, as he and Thor screamed out their orgasms together for the fourth time that night. 

xxx

The next thing Loki knew, Thor was shaking his shoulder. “Loki?”

Loki’s brain might have been made of molasses. He couldn’t even summon the effort to open his eyes. “Mmm?”

He heard the rumble of Thor’s chuckle. It usually turned him on, but the state he was in, his nerves were far too devastated from the force of his orgasm to even _think_ about more sex. “Just checking you’re still alive,” Thor said from somewhere next to him. “I’ve never seen you come so hard you passed out.”

Oh. That explained it. He’d passed out. That had never happened as a result of sex. In his usual state of mind, he’d curse Thor because the oaf would never let him forget this. But at the moment, he was too blissed out to care.

He chuckled lazily as he curled toward Thor’s hand on his shoulder. “Are you alright?” Thor asked. He sounded concerned. What in Hel did he have to be concerned about? “I know you said I shouldn’t—”

Loki rolled toward Thor, still laughing in his pleasure-drunk state. “F’course m’alright.”

He felt the heave of Thor’s chest as he sighed. “Alright,” he said, though he didn’t sound convinced. “Just let me know if—”

But Loki was already asleep.


	2. Everything Goes Horribly Wrong

“NORNS DAMN YOU, YOU IMBECILE!”

Loki hurled the fifth cup of wine at his bedchamber wall. It shattered and spilled everywhere, joining its four brothers on the floor.

He was shaking as he seethed over the spilt mess. He’d probably pop a vein in his forehead if he kept this up.

Of course Thor hadn’t been there when he woke; today was Thor’s Special Big Day, which was even more important than every other one of Thor’s Special Big Days. He was off getting each hair combed perfectly into place, while every speck of dust was polished off his armor. 

Loki should have been doing the same right now, except he’d not allowed any of the servants in. Not that they were forlorn about it; none of them ever liked being assigned to the second-best prince. Considering the frightful mood he was in, maybe he couldn’t blame them.

But how else was he supposed to react, when he woke to find the dried remains of Thor’s semen where it had trickled out of his cunt?

_Out of his cunt?_ In other words, _it had been inside his cunt the night before?_

_And how the Hel had it gotten there, except that Thor had put it there, WHEN HE HAD SPECIFICALLY ASKED HIM NOT TO?_

Loki stalked over to his workbench. He had brewed many a poison and cursed many an object here to take revenge on those who slighted him, Thor included. But this? This called for something special.

Weeks ago, he’d promised a few Frost Giants the chance to steal the Casket of Ancient Winters. They would never actually succeed, considering the Destroyer guarded it, but that was why Loki had specifically said the _chance_ to do so. He’d told them that, should events work out in their favor, he would send them word no later than this morning that the plan was a go.

He’d been waiting to see if he wanted to ruin Thor’s day. After all, Thor had been remarkably well-behaved lately. He’d be a terrible king on his own, but there had been a chance that, if he kept listening to Loki as he’d done in the last few weeks, he might have done alright.

But then he’d gone and ruined it all last night. No matter how good of an orgasm he’d given Loki in the process. He also might have given him something far more terrifying.

Loki decided to ignore the voice in his head that told him this wasn’t the worst predicament he was in. He’d memorized the ingredients to a contraceptive potion centuries ago, ever since Mother had explained to him how babies were made. It would be simple, and take no time at all. He could nip this in the bud before it was too late.

But that wasn’t the point. The point was that Thor was an arrogant, greedy, selfish lout who needed to be put in his place. Loki would show him. He could make the potion tonight, once it had all played out.

He picked up the scrying mirror and murmured the required incantation. The message would get to the Frost Giants. Loki just hoped they would act before Thor was crowned king.

xxx

The Frost Giants did act before Thor was crowned. But that was the only part of the next three days that went according to plan.

It was amazing how Loki had lived for over a thousand years, and yet three days could hold such significance in his life. More had happened to him in that span of time than had happened for the last century.

He wasn’t Odin’s son. 

He wasn’t Frigga’s son. 

He wasn’t Thor’s brother. 

He was a Frost Giant of Jotunheim. His entire existence was built on a lie.

And even when he’d tried to make things right, tried to settle the royal family’s mess by killing Laufey and the rest of his race, it still hadn’t been enough.

Now, as he held onto Gungnir at the edge of the Bifrost, trying not to look at Thor’s pleading face in favor of Odin’s hardened stare, he begged the Allfather to take him back in. Childish, perhaps, but he had no further recourse. “I could have done it! For you, for all of us!” 

And then, the two words Loki had heard all his life, which had crushed his spirit each time he heard them. The words Odin threw away like brass trinkets, though they cut like iron in Loki’s heart.

_“No, Loki.”_

That was it. All he would ever amount to. A simple 'no.'

Thor must have seen his decision on his face, for he started pleading so prettily. “Loki, no!”

But Loki had no home anymore, no family. There was no hope left for him. Thor couldn’t mean for him to keep living. He _couldn’t._

So he let go, and let the void of space take him, trying not to hear Thor’s screams follow him down.

xxx

He fell for what felt like eons. Maybe death took longer to arrive in space than he’d calculated. Maybe his Jotun blood kept him from freezing in it.

It didn’t matter. He’d keep falling till he died. There was no other option.

But that wasn’t what happened. He’d expected to fall till he couldn’t feel anymore. He didn’t expect to _land._

He landed so hard he couldn’t move. It must have broken bones. 

It didn’t matter. He’d die from exposure out here. One way or another, he would die.

His eyes were jolted open when a harsh grip dug into his chin. His gaze met that of a bald woman with blue skin. One of her eyes had some cybernetic components surrounding it.

She smirked. “Dad?” she called out in a voice that carried echoes of machinery. “This one’s still alive.”


	3. Things Get Even Worse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for depictions of torture. This fic has a Loki Whump tag for a reason yo.

Thus began The Routine.

He had a small cell he’d be thrown into, left for a few minutes or a few hours at a time. There wasn’t anything in there—no bed, no sink, no toilet—so Loki relieved himself in one far corner, and slept in the corner opposite.

He wasn’t in there very often. Most of the time, he was being tortured.

How he was tortured varied widely. It depended on who was doing it.

A huge hulking beast named Cull would just beat him. It would break every bone in his body and rupture his internal organs with the fragments. Still, it was the easiest to deal with. He’d faced similar on hunts or in battle, and healed within a few days.

Once they realized that, he didn’t see Cull as often.

A man and woman would drag him out of his cell together sometimes. They’d take turns deciding which part of his skin they wanted to electrocute next, laughing as he convulsed in agony. While terrible, he’d been on the receiving end of far more power from Mjolnir, so he could bear this with relative silence.

But the worst was the one they called ‘the Maw.’ From what Loki could tell, he worked with pain the way a sculptor worked with clay. He was a master of his craft.

He yanked fingernails from Loki’s digits. He sliced off toes from each of Loki’s feet. He peeled strips of skin from Loki’s chest. He poured acid into Loki’s eyes. Each time, though he tried so hard, Loki couldn’t stay silent. He’d scream, and scream, and scream.

One day in this realm of eternal night, Loki was horizontally suspended in midair by the Maw’s telekinetic powers. Glass-like needles were inching toward his face. He trembled, though he knew it wouldn’t help matters.

The Maw crept toward him, just behind the needles. “Do you know why we have not killed you yet?” he asked in his reedy, serpentine voice.

Loki didn’t answer. He had asked himself that very question between bouts of agony, but didn’t feel it was useful to ponder.

The Maw stopped a foot from Loki’s face. His gaze down at his captive was almost kind, were it not for the instruments of pain he was aiming straight for Loki’s cheekbones. “My master has noticed that your looks and durability are distinctly Asgardian. He requires information about an Asgardian artifact you may be familiar with. But first—”

A needle pierced Loki’s left cheekbone, and he couldn’t help his whimper at it.

“—I must discern whether you would possess such knowledge of Odin’s weapons vault.”

The needle pressed in, and in, and _in_. The Maw calmly regarded Loki’s attempts to steel himself against the pain, knowing that such efforts had never worked. “Tell me, young one—”

More needles pierced him, and Loki groaned.

“—what is your name?”

Loki felt tears escaping his eyes, felt blood dripping from the needles’ punctures. The first needle at his cheek just kept going. Was it going to pierce his skull, cut into his brain?

The pain kept mounting, and mounting, and Loki couldn’t take it. “Loki!”

All the needles paused with that one word. The Maw grinned. “Loki, what?”

Loki panted through the pain in his face. The needles had stopped, yes, but they hadn’t been withdrawn. They _burned_ now. 

“Laufeyson,” he gritted out. “Loki Laufeyson.”

“He’s lying.”

The Maw turned, and Loki looked toward the newcomer, as well. It was a green-skinned woman he hadn’t seen before. From one of her hands dangled a burlap sack, which glowed faintly with a golden light. 

Her eyes narrowed at Loki. “Laufey was the King of Jotunheim,” she said. “He was killed three lunar cycles ago by an Asgardian agent.”

Three lunar cycles ago? Loki had been here for _three months?_

The Maw tilted his head at Loki. “Why claim to be the offspring of a deceased Jotun king, Asgardian?”

More tears gathered in Loki’s eyes as the needles resumed their movement inward. “It’s true, it’s true!” he pleaded. “I am a Frost Giant, I only look Asgardian, _please!”_

The needles paused again. Loki gasped in relief. 

But the Maw’s leering smile at him was no cause for rejoicing. “Show me.”

Loki’s eyes closed in despair. He’d never worn his true skin except when in contact with a soldier or artifact of Jotunheim. He’d never forced the transformation by himself. 

Still, the Maw wasn’t giving him a lighthearted suggestion. So he had to try. He called up all his dwindling reserves of magic, and poured his power over his flesh. Trying to undo whatever enchantment he’d unknowingly worn his entire life.

He immediately felt heat in his face at every point of contact from the needles. Indeed, the whole room felt warmer.

When he opened his eyes, the Maw was looking at him with triumph in his gaze. Loki knew it must have worked. He tried not to think about what he must look like now.

“You see?” the Maw said to the green-skinned woman. “He speaks the truth. A Frost Giant at least, if not Laufey’s son.”

The woman smiled. But all warmth in it ended before it reached her eyes. “Still. There’s something else he’s not telling us. He did have an Asgardian appearance for some reason.”

She turned to the Maw. “Find out why. My father will want to know.”

The Maw grinned wider. “Oh, I shall find out, don’t you worry.”

The woman left, and Loki’s heart sank lower with each click of her shoes.

xxx

It only took three more days for Loki to tell them everything.

He’d always known he was less sensitive to cold. He hadn’t ever realized it was because, as a Jotun, his body was designed to live in sub-zero temperatures.

He also hadn’t counted on the opposite being true, that he was even more sensitive to heat.

Now he knew. Once the Maw learned he was a Frost Giant, he’d designed several new tortures for him.

He’d pressed more heated blades into his skin. He’d branded him with hot irons. He’d even arranged to have the temperatures in his cell raised to hover just on the edges of his comfort, so he was slowly being cooked as he slept.

It was when he was suspended an inch above a sheet of searing-hot metal, while molten steel was dripped onto his back, that he broke.

“What is your name?” the Maw was crooning over Loki’s screams. “The name you held in Asgard, what is your name?”

_“ODINSON!”_ Loki wailed. _“LOKI ODINSON!”_


	4. Losing Everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this chapter's warnings, look at the tags. The two tags listed after "BAMF!Thor" are the warnings contained within. I hope that's sufficient warning while also avoiding spoilers for those who don't want them. Also I'm really really sorry :( :( :( :(

Fully dressed once more, he was thrown onto the rocks at the feet of a floating throne. “Behold!” the Maw crowed. “You now gaze upon the might of your master! In your captivity, you have been raised up to the honor of becoming a servant of Thanos!”

Loki trembled as he caught a glimpse of the gigantic being sitting on the throne. The creature must have been at least eight feet tall, with golden armor contrasting with his purple skin.

“So,” the being named Thanos rumbled, “my honored guest is a son of Odin.”

Honored guest? Is that what he called it?

Loki swallowed that retort. He didn’t want any more pain, which would surely come if he gave voice to it. So he bowed his head, and stayed silent. It was difficult to do so when his stomach kept roiling with pain.

Thanos leaned forward. “You will be familiar, then, with the object I seek. It was the crown jewel of Odin’s treasures, though it was lost over a thousand years ago.”

The pain in Loki’s abdomen mounted. He could hardly think through it, let alone summon a reply to Thanos’s words.

A sudden flash of golden light broke through Loki’s haze. He looked up to its source. Thanos was holding up a small yellow jewel, which glowed so brightly in this barren realm.

“This is one of six,” he said with a smile. “My dear daughter was able to find this one. One of its sisters is contained within a cube, which can summon portals to anywhere in the universe. Do you know of what I speak?”

Just as Loki was about to reply, a sudden wave of pain wracked his abdomen. He bit back most of his whimper, but some of the pathetic noise escaped his throat.

Thanos frowned. “Perhaps it would be easier if I showed you.”

The yellow jewel glowed brighter, and Loki saw. 

He didn’t physically see, however; he had used enough memory-glimpsing spells to know that these images were being shown directly to his mind. But it was so much more potent than his spells. This jewel carried powerful magic to be utilized thus.

He saw just as Thanos had described: a luminous jewel, identical to the yellow stone except for its blue light, encased in a cube-shaped structure. When activated, the cube sent its blue light to a fixed point several feet away, creating a portal to the other side of space.

The Tesseract. Loki had heard the story of its uses in Asgard, long before his people built the Bifrost. He had also heard of how its power was so great, Odin had hidden it away on Earth, to protect it from being found by power-hungry tyrants seeking to conquer other worlds.

Perhaps this Thanos was one such tyrant.

But Loki couldn’t focus on that for long, for his pain-induced delirium started loosening his grasp on the visions Thanos was trying to show him. At the thought of Odin and Asgard, his addled mind started bleeding into memories of home. 

Reading stories with Odin as a child. Learning magic from Frigga as an adolescent. Sparring with his friends as an adult. Sharing secrets with Thor at all ages, chasing him through the palace, chastising him for his follies, inviting him into his bed each night.

Was it all a lie, considering they had never been his family in the first place? Had he lost such happiness, or had it never been his to begin with?

All at once, the memories faded from his vision. Thanos leered down at him from his throne.

“So,” he said, “the Tesseract is on Earth.”

Loki blinked hard through his blurring vision. His abdomen _hurt._

Something softened in Thanos’s face. “You have suffered a great many losses, Odinson. And in so short a time.” 

He rose from his throne. Loki quivered.

But Thanos was gentle as he tilted Loki’s chin up to face him. “I can help you claim a new home. You could have a new world that would love you. If you are willing to help me in return, to claim that which I seek.”

Home? A new world? _Love?_

Loki tried to open his mouth to say something. What he was going to say, he wasn’t sure, because it was suddenly stolen from him by a fresh roil of pain, worse than the previous ones. All that came out of his mouth was a harsh gasp.

Thanos smiled. “I’ll give you some time to consider my offer.”

He backed away from Loki, returning to his throne. The Maw’s power started pulling Loki away.

“Consider it carefully,” said Thanos, with a smile that promised what would happen if Loki did not.

xxx

Once he was thrown into his cell again, Loki didn’t bother holding back his cries of pain. He clutched his abdomen, as if that would provide any relief. It didn’t.

The pain only worsened. Loki had been leaning against the wall, but eventually he couldn’t even manage that. He collapsed onto his hands and knees, panting.

He’d suffered such pain at the hands of his torturers, but it hadn’t been concentrated in his stomach like this. Even when the man and woman aimed their electrocuting staffs directly onto his abdomen, the pain mostly abated once they were withdrawn.

The only time he’d felt anything close to this was when he’d been five hundred years old. That was when he’d first started menstruating. His cycles had been terribly irregular for the first several years. Every few weeks, he’d be laid up in bed, unable to do anything but moan and complain.

But this was so much worse. And the pain was only growing.

Not only that, it was moving downward. Into his lower abdomen. Was it his bladder? His intestines? His uterus?

A sudden stab of pain made him scream. Something was seeping between his thighs. Definitely his uterus, then.

He hadn’t been menstruating the entire time he’d been here. Presumably from the torture, not to mention the lack of regular meals and sleep. Now it seemed his body was deciding to catch up on three months’ worth of bleeding, and was letting it loose all at once.

He soon lay down on his side, facing away from the transparent forcefield that served as the cell’s door. He just had to bear through this, as he’d borne through all the other tortures in this place. He could do this.

He didn’t know how long he lay there, writhing through the pain. More and more blood and menstrual tissue kept running down his thighs. His uterus and vagina kept shooting such agony through him as they worked to dispel their contents.

Eventually, so much blood had soaked into his clothes that they clung too tightly to his skin. He clambered to his knees again, and fumbled to slide his trousers and smallclothes down partway for some relief.

Once he did, another stab of pain ripped through him. He screamed. He clutched a hand to its center in his lower belly.

This was the worst one yet. He could only watch as more and more blood started collecting on the floor. But it felt almost like something was lodged inside him, working its way down. A larger clot than he’d ever passed.

When it finally fell out of him, Loki saw what it really was. But his brain couldn’t comprehend it.

No.

No, it wasn’t.

No. No. No. No. No. No no no no nonononono… 

Loki didn’t realize he’d started babbling the word out loud. He collapsed on his side again. Tears flowed freely down his face.

Three months he’d been here. Without menstruating. With little food, though he’d kept the same weight. So he would have been gaining weight otherwise.

Three months ago, Thor had planted his seed in Loki’s womb. And now Loki had lost it. He’d truly lost everything now. No part of Thor belonged to him, not even this part he didn’t know he’d had.

It was so small, hardly two inches long. Loki could barely see it through his tear-blurred vision. He could hardly breathe, he was choking so hard on his sobs.

Something compelled him to touch it. He regretted it as soon as he did so. It was so small, and wet from the blood. Still, he kept his hand covering it, as if that would suffice for more protection and sustenance than his womb could provide.

The cramps—he would not call them what they really were, another word starting with a _c_ —kept coming. More blood trickled out of him. Loki kept screaming, sobbing, _howling_ in agony. His hand stayed in its protective position on top of what he’d lost.

He heard a gasp behind him. He stiffened. He hadn’t known someone was watching him.

With dread, he turned his head to look behind him. It was the green-skinned woman who called Thanos her father. She was looking at him, at the blood, at what his hand was trying to cover.

“Please,” Loki whispered. He didn’t know what he was pleading for. Whatever it was, he knew he wouldn’t get it. That’s not how things worked around here, not for him.

The woman’s mouth drew into a thin line. She stood motionless for several seconds. 

When she moved, it was to remove her leather jacket and hold it out to him. Her arm was able to breach the forcefield without resistance.

He was too stunned to react at first. She shook the jacket in her hand. “Take it.”

Somehow he found the will to move. He grabbed it with a shaking hand. The hand that had been covering…

Her eyes widened as she saw what he uncovered. Loki didn’t understand why she wasn’t reacting with delight, as she and his other captors had done when seeing him in pain.

She drew herself up taller, as if resettling herself in her own skin. “Clean yourself up,” she finally said. “My father will want to speak with you soon.” And she left. 

Loki didn’t follow her advice right away. He let the jacket fall next to him. He curled up into as small of a ball as he could manage, and wept.


	5. An Unusual Method

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for descriptions of rape. It's a bit removed from the situation, but still there. Also some body horror/gore. Thus continues the Loki Whump Train.

When he was brought before Thanos again on his knees, tears were still racing down his cheeks. He tried to stifle his sobs, but a few kept rattling out of him.

Thanos sat in silence. The Maw stood behind Loki, while the green-skinned woman and the blue-skinned bald one stood by their father’s left side.

The blue-skinned one was tilting her head at Loki, as if curious about his state of devastation. The green-skinned one was looking down at her feet.

Finally, Thanos spoke. “Gamora told me what happened.”

Loki looked up, barely making out the blurry image of Thanos through his tears. He blinked, clearing them a bit.

Thanos was looking at him with solemnity. There was no glee in his captive’s suffering, none that Loki could see.

“It was your brother’s child, I take it.”

Loki sobbed again, as much of a confirmation as he was able to give. The blue-skinned woman raised a robotic eyebrow. The green-skinned one—Gamora, was that her name?—darted her eyes to him, with a look Loki could almost call pity. But she lowered them again before he could tell.

Thanos rose from his throne. “I know what it’s like to lose a child. Many of my children have long since perished. They could not endure what was required of them.”

Gamora’s jaw clenched.

Thanos must have noticed, for he smiled lovingly at her. “I am fortunate that my favorite daughter was strong enough to survive. If something happened to her…” He touched a hand to her face. “…I would never forgive myself.”

Gamora looked up at her father with a smile. But Loki did not see the same love reflected in it.

Thanos lowered his hand and turned back to Loki. Loki didn’t flinch. He was already in the worst agony of his life. What else could they possibly do to him?

“If you are to help me claim the Tesseract,” Thanos said, “you will need to put this loss behind you. You cannot allow such emotions to cloud your judgment.”

Loki tried to speak through his tears. “It…it was all I h-h-had of…my brother—”

“He is not really your brother,” Thanos said. “Isn’t that what you learned in the days before you came to us?”

Loki sobbed again.

“You will need to forget him, Loki. Clinging to such memories will only bring you more pain. And pain will draw your focus away from what needs to be done.”

Loki drew in a shuddering breath. He found himself nodding. Whether he would agree to help Thanos willingly, or would be physically forced to do so, it would be better in the long run to forget all that came before. He’d go mad otherwise, sitting with all this pain.

But how does one forget the love of one’s life? Loki had no answer to that.

Thanos must have been on the same page as him, for he smiled. “I can provide you with the help you need to forget. In time, Thor Odinson will only be a name to you, nothing more.”

His grin rose to the Maw. “Bring him to the Outriders. Make sure they treat him well.”

Gamora sent a startled glance her father’s way. Her blue-skinned sister’s eyes widened.

“Of course, Exalted One,” the Maw said. As his power started dragging Loki away, an unsettling feeling grew deep in Loki’s core.

The Maw sounded delighted. Which only promised one thing for Loki.

More pain.

xxx

The Outriders, as it turned out, were vicious, mutated beasts. The Maw said they were bred for physical prowess in all things. At first glance, Loki took that to mean as soldiers in battle.

But as he soon found out over the next several months, it was also meant in terms of sexual activity. They were meant as beasts of pleasure as well as instruments of death.

At least, that was what the Maw had promised. In reality, all they brought Loki was more pain.

He was left alone with the creatures for months. All the sustenance he received was their filthy seed in his mouth. All the sleep he could claim was when he was too exhausted by the continual rape to stay conscious.

They ravaged his mouth and ass, but it was his cunt they gave the most attention. They didn’t care for his cock, or for giving him any kind of physical pleasure. All they did was hurt him.

Their seed tasted sour and acidic. It burned Loki’s teeth and throat when he was made to swallow it. When Loki saw it running down his thighs in between rounds, he couldn’t tell if it was colored black or red. The red could have just been from his own blood. It was as if they were pumping black bile into his body.

He never stopped bleeding from his cunt the entire time. And each time it wasn’t occupied, small pieces of something were falling out of him.

It took him a good month and a half to realize that it was pieces of his womb.

But they were blackened and smoking. They looked like the charred remains of a roasted pig, rather than parts of one of his living organs.

The cramps never stopped, either. It was as if he was trapped in a constant state of menstruation. Except this wasn’t healthy bleeding; it was draining him.

When this had first started, Loki had worried they might impregnate him, and that he’d be forced to carry one of these creatures’ hideous offspring. But he soon realized the opposite was happening. They were killing his womb from the inside, tearing it to pieces that fell out when they withdrew. Ensuring he would never carry any man’s child for the rest of his life.

Months later, Loki had stopped screaming. His mind had fragmented enough to block out the intense pain. What remained of his consciousness was focused on what he would say to Thanos next.

He would take the deal, of course. A realm that would worship him was his due, yes? And the Tesseract was a fair asking price.

He would need an army, however. Perhaps one of the creatures right now choking his throat with its vile cock, while two more were stuffed into his cunt? They were certainly vicious enough; the Earth would never stand a chance.

His mind was made up just as the creature in his mouth released its acrid seed. He swallowed it all down as best he could. Once his throat was clear of the burning sensation, the other two in his cunt had come, as well. He tried not to focus on the dull ache as the semen ate away at his insides.

“I’ll take the deal!” he shouted hoarsely, hoping the Maw or Gamora was somewhere nearby to hear him. 

All at once, the creatures backed away from him, letting him fall to the floor. He coughed as the sudden movement unsettled his stomach. 

Once he was settled, he tried to reach for his magic. It took some focusing, but he managed it. He summoned his clothing, creating as regal an ensemble as he had ever worn. He might as well try to reclaim some dignity for this.

As his armor settled into place around him, the Maw appeared. He was grinning at Loki. “What was that, now?”

Loki rose to his feet with shaking knees. He could feel another piece of his uterus descend into his vagina. He ignored it.

He drew himself up to his full height. “I said I’ll take the deal.”

The Maw grinned wider. He beckoned Loki to follow him with a curled finger. He didn’t use his telekinetic powers to drag Loki along. This was a good sign.

Even as he felt the thumbnail-sized piece of his womb fall out of him, and roll down his trouser leg to fall on the floor in his wake, Loki knew he’d made the right decision.

xxx

He was given the Mind Stone in an elegant scepter, which Thanos had designed specifically for Loki’s use. Which meant he’d been counting on this particular method of torture to work. 

With the scepter, Loki could send his consciousness across vast distances that he couldn’t manage with his usual projections. He did so to search for the Tesseract’s location, as well as to scout for potential threats that would hamper the invasion.

There was a biologically-enhanced soldier with durability approaching Asgardian levels. Loki made a note of him.

There was a man who had attempted to replicate such an experiment, but something had gone awry. He now transformed into a green behemoth whenever his adrenaline levels spiked. He could be a problem if provoked, but he might be useful if Loki played his cards right.

There was a man who claimed to have ‘privatized world peace’ using his own technologically-enhanced suits of armor. Loki didn’t foresee too many problems from facing him.

Most interestingly, there was a large organization full of people with specialized skill sets. They were used to fight and manipulate other humans, but they were the closest thing to a planet-wide army that Earth had. And they were the ones who had located the Tesseract.

He used one of the human scientists who was researching its abilities. Dr. Selvig was his eyes and ears, even if he wasn’t aware of it. He would be a useful pawn once Loki got on the ground.

Thanos was not going to give him the Outriders. He had, however, set him up with a mysterious masked creature who only referred to himself as ‘the Other.’ He commanded a war-hungry race called the Chitauri. They would easily win Loki the Earth.

As for how to actually get to Earth in physical form, Thanos had instructed him to use the Mind Stone to call out for the Tesseract. The sister jewels could sense one another, and could be used to locate each other with relative accuracy. 

As Loki used his magic to don more casual armor (though it was no less regal), Thanos peered at Loki’s face. “Are you prepared for this, Asgardian?”

Loki took a deep breath. He was still sweating from the aftereffects of the heat-based torture exacted all those months ago. His body was still recovering from its repeated reproductive traumas. He was still shedding small, blackened pieces of what remained of his womb. He probably looked quite the worse for wear.

“Of course,” he said with a smile. “Within two days, the Tesseract shall be yours.”

Thanos grinned. “And the Earth shall be yours.”

He left the unspoken threat hanging in the air, of what would happen if Loki should fail. Loki suppressed his shudder.

He called out with the Mind Stone, and the Tesseract answered.


	6. The Next Five Years

Though he kept stumbling as he walked, his plan set off rather smoothly. None of the humans he encountered stood a chance against him, especially with the scepter.

He decided the enhanced humans he’d noted in his reconnaissance would be most easily put down if he pitted them against each other. They certainly had the egos for it. So, he allowed himself to be captured and brought onboard their floating base.

But before he got there, he hit the first snag in his plan.

He was strapped into one of their smaller flying craft, and two of the humans were bickering already. But as they flew through the night air, thunder started to roll all around them.

It made the plane shake. But as the lightning kept flashing, over and over again, Loki got the prickling feeling that there was more to this storm than the usual Midgardian weather.

It couldn’t be…

He looked around nervously as another lightning strike illuminated the skies. The enhanced soldier turned to him. “What’s the matter, scared of a little lightning?”

“I’m not overly fond of what follows,” Loki replied.

Sure enough, a telltale _thud_ echoed on the roof of the ship. Loki’s heart started to sink.

The armored man opened the jet’s back entry ramp to meet this threat head-on. But Loki knew it would be useless.

And there, at the back of the jet, dropped the one person Loki had hoped to never see again.

Thor.

xxx

Thor was not gentle with him. Loki decided he preferred it that way, rather than Thor trying to cajole him back to his side with tender declarations of love. Such a love did not exist, anyway. They were not brothers.

Loki said as much when he mockingly asked if Thor mourned him. Thor said he did, they all did. Pfft. A likely story.

Thor even said “Our father,” which Loki could not tolerate. _“Your father,”_ he hissed. Thor looked stricken, but Loki took the opening to brush him off.

Still, as he kept talking to Thor, he was confused by how much Thor clung to the idea that they were still brothers. Or at least, that they were still _something._ Loki cut him off at every turn. To acknowledge those words with anything other than derision would stir those pangs of longing in Loki’s chest that he had silenced long ago.

_It will only bring more pain. And pain would draw your focus from what needs to be done._

So he did what needed to be done. He boasted of conquering the realm Thor loved. He jeered the name _"Odinson"_ to emphasize their separation. Sure enough, it got the rise out of Thor he’d counted on, as he yelled at him to give up his bid for power.

But then he did something Loki did not expect, what Loki had dreamed of having through each stage of his torture. Thor placed his hand on the side of Loki’s neck, and gently pleaded with him. “You come _home._ ”

Home.

What Loki had longed for for months, even if he no longer belonged on Asgard. Where his brother would jest with him, and laugh with him, and whisper softly to him. Where he would bring Loki such comfort, and pleasure, and joy.

Loki realized too late that his mask had slipped. Still, he quickly recovered himself, and returned to speaking of the Tesseract. “I don’t have it.”

It worked. Thor let go of him, and reached for Mjolnir. Back on schedule.

xxx

In the end, he failed. 

The mortals were broken apart, only to rejoin together stronger than before. With Thor among them, they were easily able to overcome the Chitauri, close the Tesseract’s portal, and beat Loki into the floor.

So not only had he lost possession of the Tesseract, he’d lost the Mind Stone, as well. Thanos was down two Infinity Stones for his trouble.

Knowing what he would probably do to Loki should he ever find him again, Loki decided that his best bet was to cut his losses, and surrender to Thor.

He and the Tesseract went back to Asgard, locked in their separate vaults. Two stolen treasures, safe among the hoard.

The one thing he dreaded was having ample free time to contemplate what he’d suffered at Thanos’s hands. But it turned out most of the pain from that time was deadened. So what if he twitched thinking about molten steel dripping onto his back, or shuddered each time he imagined blood and mangled pieces of his uterus falling from between his legs, or tried not to scream as he remembered what a tiny little thing it had been—

No. It was fine. Most of the time, he didn’t think about it, anyway.

But once the Dark Elves came and went, he was of course overcome with grief when Frigga was killed. But his selfish heart was also concerned with his own welfare.

If Malekith and his forces had so easily overwhelmed Asgard’s defenses and killed Odin’s beloved queen, how easily could Thanos and _his_ forces do the same, with their sights set on one of Odin’s prisoners? A least-loved prisoner at that, whose birthright was apparently to die anyway.

As long as he was Loki, even Asgard could not keep him safe.

So, when Thor came asking for his help, Loki began formulating a plan of his own. If he couldn’t be safe as Loki, he could be safe as someone else.

xxx

He didn’t expect the full force of Thor’s grief, crying over his supposed dead body. That waif of a mortal ended up having to drag him away from Loki.

He also didn’t expect how easy it was to bewitch Odin and send him to a retirement home on Midgard. But, when he saw into the mighty Allfather’s mind and saw such immense grief for a wife and son, the ease of the ensnarement made sense.

Loki tried not to think about how Odin grieved for a wife and a _son_. Even though he knew Loki wasn’t really dead, he grieved the loss of a boy he could have saved. He wished he had broken the truth of Loki’s parentage in a gentler way centuries ago.

Well, Loki had once wished for a reality in which he could marry his brother, and that wish never came true, either. Wishes from the heart were always too little, too late.

But in posing as Odin, Loki was allowed too much time to be alone with his thoughts. He couldn’t even scream out his frustrations, because they wouldn’t make sense coming from Odin’s mouth.

So, he hid himself in the ornate bedchambers of the king, and screamed there. Screamed, and wept, and cursed, and thought.

Everyone who heard of it assumed Odin was grieving Frigga. And that was in part true for Loki, as well.

But he wasn’t just grieving his mother. He also grieved his own chance to _be_ a mother.

Did he even want that?

His mind traveled down dangerous roads spurred by that notion. Odin could have reached out to him in his moment of need. He could have gently coaxed Loki back from the brink, rather than coldly rejecting him on the Bifrost that night. Loki would have found out he was pregnant in a less painful manner. Thor would have been overjoyed, and would have convinced their parents to let him keep it.

Maybe with the knowledge that they were not brothers by blood, but both still of royal stock, they could have been permitted to marry, and make the child Thor’s trueborn heir. But even if Loki had to raise a bastard child, and pretend to all others that Thor was the uncle, it wouldn’t have mattered.

They could have had a family. The child would have had a chance at life, a chance at being loved. Not dropped on a cold, stone floor months before it could survive, before either of its parents knew of its existence.

Loki cried as he remembered what it had looked like. What it had felt like as it left his body.

It was too much to remember, and far too much to dream of what could have been. But Loki couldn’t stop himself.

Over the next four years, the immensity of the pain faded, as the grief worked its way out of his system. But he never forgot. He probably never would. His one and only child would haunt him for the rest of his days.

xxx

Of course, Thor caught onto his ruse eventually. And once he did, he dragged him along to find Odin. 

Loki found that he didn’t really mind. Some part of him yearned for Thor’s presence, which he never thought he would again.

Though Thor was angry with him for appearing to die (again), and tricking his way onto the throne (again), and bringing Midgard into his plans (again), he was gently chiding him the way they used to do when they still thought they shared kindred blood. Even the jest that he dressed like a witch in his choice of mortal attire was so achingly familiar.

Maybe, one day, they could be something like brothers again. They would never be lovers, though. Loki would never be prepared for that. He was far too broken.

But once they found Odin (no thanks to an arrogant mortal who called himself a sorcerer), Odin decided it would be a great time to die in front of his sons.

And, in typical Odin fashion, he had one last family secret left to spill. Another of his children who had been cast out for trying to conquer other worlds.

Never mind that Odin was the one who had raised them all to think that conquering other worlds was a noble endeavor. He’d died without suffering the consequences of his parenting methods, leaving his children to deal with the fallout.

So, when Hela’s attack left Loki stranded on a foreign planet at the edge of space, he decided the best way to deal with this fallout was to make a new life for himself here, far from Asgard.


	7. Ragnarok

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the one and only chapter that includes the GrandLoki tag. I can tolerate this pairing, but only if it's done in the mutually beneficial sugar daddy/social-climbing way. And if they fuck, it HAS to be to cheesy 80s porno music. I think Jeff Goldblum would want it that way.
> 
> But if you're not a big fan of that pairing, fear not! Our regularly scheduled Thorki programming will kick back into high gear in the next chapter :D
> 
> But in the meantime...  
> 

He wormed his way into the parties of this planet’s ruler easily enough. He quickly gathered that the man—who went by such a gaudy, ostentatious title as ‘the Grandmaster’—was a lunatic who could smile at you one moment, then murder you the next. Loki couldn’t let himself fall victim to that. He just had to work out how to win the man’s favor.

That part was easy. But the follow-through would prove more difficult. Because the way to win the Grandmaster’s favor was through sex.

Six years ago, this would have been the easiest game for Loki to play. While his cunt had been a virgin before that night with Thor, the rest of his body had been anything but. He was a Prince of Asgard, after all, and not one above playing games of seduction to get what he wanted.

But after what Thanos’s creatures had done to him, the thought of anyone touching him like that made his skin crawl. There was the risk of too many painful memories overwhelming him with a vengeance.

What other options did he have, though? To wait until the Grandmaster decided he wasn’t worth keeping around, and threw him to his scavengers for their next meal? Or to be thrown into the arena, where he’d be torn to shreds? Or to just be vaporized with the aptly-named ‘Melt Stick,’ which by all accounts was among the most painful ways to go?

No. Loki would just have to buckle in, seduce this Grandmaster at tonight’s party, and hope for the best. He’d survived far worse, after all.

With his goal in mind, he conjured as much sleazy confidence as he could muster, and headed over to the Grandmaster’s synthesizer. A few partygoers had crowded around, cheering at whatever inane riffs the man could come up with on the spot. It sounded godawful to Loki’s ears.

He listened politely to the next melody, and when it concluded, he clapped along with the rest. “That was fabulous, Grandmaster!” he said.

Sure enough, the Grandmaster heard him. “Oh, look who’s joined us! It’s…wait wait, don’t— don’t tell me!” His finger gesticulated wildly as he paused to think. It was quiet among the group for the most awkward fifteen seconds as he thought.

At last, he said, “Lionel?”

Loki shook his head no.

“Lucas?”

Again, Loki shook his head.

The Grandmaster tapped his blue-streaked chin. “Lucy? No, no no, what am I thinking! That’s a girl’s name!” Everyone laughed, and Loki politely joined them.

“Of course,” continued the Grandmaster, “unless you’re one of those progressive parents!” Everyone laughed harder. “Okay, okay, okay, give it to me, c’mon! I give up!”

“It’s Loki,” Loki said with a grin.

“Aha!” The Grandmaster clapped his hands in delight. “Loki! That’s right, that’s the sneaky little devil, I gahahahah…” He started babbling senselessly as he tweaked Loki’s chin. “Now, we were just jamming over here, giving a few riffs a go, and I was wondering, do you think you could, ah, help me lay down a beat?”

Loki cringed inside at how ridiculous this man was, but he didn’t let that show. “I would be honored.”

And so Loki and the Grandmaster started doing what the Midgardians called ‘beatboxing’ together. They went back and forth for a few rounds, with the Grandmaster soon adding his synth to the mix. A growing crowd started flocking to the strange performance.

When they finally concluded, everyone applauded. The Grandmaster was laughing at it all. “Wow! That was just peachy!” He grinned at Loki with a certain twinkle in his eye. “You’ve, uh, you’ve got quite the talented mouth!”

Yes! The Grandmaster had left him an opening, to see if he’d take the bait. And Loki was a fish more than willing to be caught by this particular hook.

“So I’ve been told,” he said with a coy smile. 

The Grandmaster grinned wider. “Really? Who’s told you, who’s told you that?”

“Oh, a great many people,” Loki said. “I’ve lost count, really.” He started stroking a finger over the edge of the synthesizer. “I could show you just how talented, if you have a place we could, ah… _talk.”_

The Grandmaster waggled his eyebrows. He truly did not possess a single bone of subtlety in his entire body. “Now, I like the sound of that! Say, uh, Topaz?”

The woman in charge of the Melt Stick walked over from another conversation.

“Why don’t you take over the synth for a little bit,” the Grandmaster instructed her, “I’m ah, gonna be a little bit…well, a little bit occupied for a spell!”

With that, he grabbed Loki’s elbow and whisked him away from the party.

xxx

When he’d made it into the Grandmaster’s tackily-decorated bedroom, he decided it was best to let the Grandmaster set the pace with what he liked. Of course, he wanted a show. Loki could have guessed that, considering the man pit warriors to the death for entertainment purposes. So, Loki obliged.

The Grandmaster sat on his lavish bed in nothing but his golden bathrobe, while Loki stood by the foot of the bed and slowly, playfully stripped. Before he started, the Grandmaster halted him, and reached for a remote on a side table. One press of a button started some slow, sultry music that could have come straight out of a Midgardian porno.

Loki took the hint, and stripped to the beat. With each garment he eased off, he threw it over to the Grandmaster with a smirk. The Grandmaster chuckled as he tried to catch them.

As Loki revealed more and more of his skin, he started feeling a low heat in his belly. Though all of this—the gaudy interior decor, the cheesy music, the fact that he was doing this so he wouldn’t be brutally killed—wasn’t the most ideal of circumstances in which to be exploring his sexuality again…

…it wasn’t the worst thing, either.

When he flung his smallclothes at the Grandmaster, he purposely missed in his aim. They landed on the edge of the bed. The Grandmaster blindly fumbled for them, never taking his eyes off Loki. “I’m gonna…” he said as he grabbed them, “…I’m gonna hold onto these!” He shook them up at Loki’s amused grin, laughing. “You ain’t getting these back, baby!”

Loki laughed in return. “Whatever shall I do?”

“Well,” the Grandmaster said as he set the undergarments on the side table with the music remote. “You could start by, uh, parking yourself over here, on, uh…” He patted his lap. “Over on the bow of this, this ship.”

“Mmm, I could,” Loki purred, and crawled over the bed like a cat to his destination. When he took up his seat of straddling the Grandmaster’s lap, he took a chance, and leaned in to kiss him softly.

The Grandmaster giggled into his mouth, and responded in kind. It was…nice.

But the Grandmaster quickly broke it. “Now, that is…” He gestured between Loki’s legs. “That is quite the package deal you’ve got on offer there! Is that…” He picked up Loki’s half-hard cock to start squeezing it, while his other hand snuck further back to feel Loki’s cunt. “Wow. Is that something all of your species has? A double feature, so to speak? On, uh, Yodel High, or wherever?”

Loki chuckled at the Grandmaster’s mispronunciation. “It’s Jotunheim. And I…” He gasped as the Grandmaster’s index finger pushed into his cunt. After so long without these sensations, he was quickly becoming overwhelmed by it all. 

But he quickly forced himself to focus. “…I’m not sure. I was kidnapped as an infant and raised on a far-off planet. My only contact with them was— _ahh!”_

He was caught off-guard when the Grandmaster’s finger found that spot in his cunt that made him see stars. The Grandmaster laughed. “There you are, my little minx. There. You. _Are._ " He pumped his finger in and out with each word, pressing into Loki’s G-spot.

Loki lost his balance from the force of the pleasure, and fell forward to brace himself on the Grandmaster’s shoulders. The Grandmaster took the opportunity to steal a kiss, which Loki gave freely.

“What was that?” the Grandmaster murmured between kisses. “Your only contact with your people?”

“Oh,” Loki said, both to reclaim his train of thought and in response to the pleasure. “It was when I tried to kill them all.”

The Grandmaster’s finger stopped. Loki bit back his whine at the loss of pressure. But when he noticed the sparkle in the Grandmaster’s eyes, he knew he wasn’t in imminent peril. Especially from the sound of the man’s warm chuckle. 

“Y’know,” the Grandmaster said, “I thought I would like you, Loki.”

Loki grinned in response. He hadn’t counted on regaling the Grandmaster with his tales of near-genocide, but it made sense why they appealed to such a man.

To show his appreciation, Loki clenched his internal muscles as best he could around the Grandmaster’s finger. He felt a rush of his own slick leave him. The Grandmaster withdrew his finger, and kissed Loki deeply. Loki reciprocated with all he had.

“So,” the Grandmaster crooned, “shall we, ah, get this show on the road?”

Loki smirked. “And which road would you like to travel tonight?” He rose slightly on his knees, hovering his nether regions over the Grandmaster’s hardened cock. The meaning of his question was clear: _my cunt, or my ass?_

The Grandmaster grinned wider at the offering. “Oh, right, well…that is a tough one, but here’s what I’m thinking, let’s start with Main Street first, see how that goes, and then…” He snaked a hand around Loki’s ass to squeeze one cheek. “…Then we’ll see if we can sneak around back later, if we’re feeling up to it.”

That was fine by Loki. His cunt would take less time to prepare, anyway.

But just as he rose further, gripping the Grandmaster’s cock to line it up with his dripping cunt, the Grandmaster stopped him with a hand to his hip. “Woah woah woah, this won’t, um…this won’t get you knocked up, will it?”

Loki froze.

“Not that I’m not good with kids, it’s just I’m not sure if I’m ready for that kind of commitment, y’know whaddamean?”

Loki had to breathe. He had to stay calm.

Somehow, he managed it. “I’m afraid that’s not possible for me. Not anymore.”

If the Grandmaster caught any of the sorrow in Loki’s voice, he didn’t offer any sympathy. “Oh, okay then, let’s get this started!”

And he bucked up into Loki’s cunt, making Loki shout in surprise. 

It wasn’t a bad surprise, though. Not bad at all.

That night, the Grandmaster had Loki’s cunt twice, and his ass once. Loki only had a single climax to the Grandmaster’s three, but that wasn’t the point. The point was to attain a position in the Grandmaster’s inner circle. He’d have been satisfied with that even if he didn’t come at all.

Beyond that, the one thing he’d been worried about was how it would feel when the Grandmaster spilled inside his cunt. The Outriders’ semen had burned him, had eaten away at his insides. He’d worried some of that pain would come back.

But it didn’t. He didn’t feel any heat from it, either, not the way he had with Thor on that first night so long ago. 

He didn’t feel anything. His nerve endings up there had likely been damaged beyond repair. He’d never feel that particular source of pleasure again.

xxx

Of course, Thor had to show up a few weeks later and ruin everything. 

He had to go and fight the Grandmaster’s champion directly (who _of course_ turned out to be the creature who had traumatized Loki on Midgard). He also just _had_ to break out of his Sakaarian chambers and launch an escape attempt. Thor was so single-minded in his determination to die on Asgard fighting their demoness of an older sister. Loki could have admired it if he weren’t so exasperated with it all.

But deep down, he had to admit that he was so, so, _so_ glad that Thor was alive. He’d thought for sure that Hela had killed him in the Bifrost. Without his hammer, what chance did he stand?

Well, Loki knew that Thor could have unleashed his natural powers of the storm. He knew Thor had that in him. But Thor was only starting to learn that himself.

And yet, though he was glad Thor was alive, and eventually agreed to help him return to Asgard, there were some bridges between them that they just couldn’t mend.

Loki’s fingers nearly slipped on the wrong keycode buttons when Thor said, “We should talk.” Loki brushed it aside again, and again, and again. He was probably talking too much, but it was the only thing he knew that would protect himself against the topics Thor was sure to bring up.

But eventually, it became clear that Thor knew Loki, in some ways better than Loki knew himself.

Thor said his piece, saying Loki should stay here on Sakaar. Loki’s eyes nearly welled with tears when Thor said “I thought the world of you.”

In an impulse of revenge against that, Loki made to spring his trap for Thor. But Thor sprang a trap of his own. Leaving Loki writhing in the hangar bay as Thor left for Asgard.

As he lay there at the mercy of one of those damn obedience disks, he couldn’t stop thinking about what Thor had said. _Life is about growth, it’s about change._

_You could be more._

Was he really going to be stuck in these same patterns for the rest of his life? Acting out on childish impulse every time he perceived a slight? Cringing from the memories of his immense losses? Pushing away the one man whose affection he had truly hungered for all his life?

Was that all Loki was? A simple ‘no’?

Suddenly, the electric current stopped, and the obedience disk fell off his back. He groaned in relief. 

He saw a group of the gladiators the Valkyrie had liberated standing nearby. They must have turned off the disk. “Thank you,” he panted.

Their nominal leader was a large and surprisingly soft-spoken Kronan. He happily accepted Loki’s offer to lead their little band in their escape attempt.

As they flew out of the hangar and into the Sakaarian skies, the Kronan named Korg turned to him. “So, which one of those holes in the sky are we goin’ out of, man?”

Loki looked at them. Two caught his eye.

One was a wormhole he knew led to Xandar. It was the capital of a prosperous and cosmopolitan empire, full of wealth and resources. Loki could set himself up nicely there.

But he knew now where his heart truly lay. Rather, with _whom_ it lay.

And today, he would not say no to that man.

So, he pointed to the largest wormhole in the sky. “We’re going through the Anus. The Lord of Thunder needs our help.”

xxx

It turned out Thor really did need his help. In a typical Thor move, he’d had the brilliant idea to go up against Hela on his own, and had lost a fucking eye for his trouble. And he had the nerve to walk up to Loki with his bleeding hole of an eye socket, and simply say, “You’re late,” by way of an explanation.

He may still be an idiot. But he was Loki’s idiot.

 _Allfathers, give me strength,_ Loki prayed.

Fortunately, fate was on their side that day, as Thor had the actually-brilliant idea to purposely trigger Ragnarok once the Asgardian people were evacuated. And he tasked Loki with starting it all.

Loki didn’t have time to think about what that act of trust could mean. His feet flew under him as he raced to the weapons vault.

But as he picked up Surtur’s crown and headed toward the Eternal Flame, he paused as a familiar blue light caught his eye.

He’d never wanted to see the Tesseract again. It reminded him too much of the worst days of his life, and the Titan who had caused them.

Who would still be looking for him. And who would still be looking for the Tesseract.

It had been safe in Asgard’s vault. But that vault was about to be blown to smithereens. Not the Space Stone, though. Infinity Stones predated the universe; nothing in that universe could destroy them, not even the world-ending power of Surtur. The Space Stone would be floating in the wreckage until Thanos arrived to collect it, easy as plucking an apple from a tree.

And if Loki left with Thor today without any kind of insurance, Thanos would just come to kill him, and who knows how many other Asgardians. Even Thor himself wouldn’t stand a chance. 

Whereas, if Loki had the Tesseract, he could at least have something to bargain with.

He could at least save Thor’s neck, if not his own.


	8. First Night on the Statesman

After everything settled that night, after Asgard-the-Place was no more, after they set a course for Earth, after they decided to leave the necessary organizational tasks for when they’d all gotten some sleep, Loki was invited to the king’s quarters. Thor’s quarters.

Loki wasn’t quite sure what to expect. Thor had been so warm and familiar with him when he’d stopped in here a few hours ago. Yes, he’d thrown a bottle stopper at Loki’s head, but he hadn’t thought Loki was actually there. Not until Loki had caught it.

Loki slid the doors closed behind him. Thor was pouring two drinks. Loki didn’t know why he felt so nervous. “I hope you’re not going to throw one of those at me again,” he said offhandedly.

He caught a glimpse in the mirror of Thor’s smile. “I hope you don’t give me a reason to.”

Well. That was a fair point.

“Still,” Thor said, as he set the bottle of alcohol to the side, “that’s not why I asked you here.”

“Then why did you?”

Thor finally looked over at him. It was still so disconcerting for Loki to see his older brother like this. His usual bright mane of hair had been neutered into a dark blond shadow scarcely an inch long. The eyepatch startled Loki, though he’d seen it mere minutes ago. There were more lines on Thor’s face gathered in six years than there had been in nearly fifteen hundred.

Where there had been a wayward prince, there was now a wiser king. But it was still his brother in there. And he didn’t look bad at all. Far from it.

Especially when Thor gave a mischievous smile that might have been stolen from Loki’s face. “Because, as I recall, you still owe me a hug.”

Loki couldn’t help his grin. He also couldn’t help a rolling of dread in his stomach. That last one he couldn’t explain.

Thor put their drinks down, and crossed the room. Loki braced himself for one of his brother’s bear hugs, which he would always loudly protest but secretly crave when they were younger. But just as Thor came up to him, he stopped.

For a second, Thor just looked at him, his one remaining eye flitting over Loki’s face. Loki quickly became uncomfortable with the scrutiny.

“Every time I lost you,” Thor murmured, “I told myself I’d remember every inch of your face. So even if you never came back, it could be like you’d never left me.”

The admission took Loki’s breath away.

But then Thor gave one of his dazzling smiles. “But my mind’s eye could never do you justice. Not the real you.”

Norns _damn_ Thor and all his sentimentality!

Then Thor was touching Loki’s face. Not just his neck, which was intimate in itself. But _his face_. It couldn’t be explained away as brotherly affection. It was a lover’s touch.

But just as Thor inched closer to Loki’s lips, Loki broke the tension by hugging him. Maybe the contrarian in Loki hadn’t vanished entirely.

Indeed, Thor sounded surprised, almost petulant. “What are you doing?”

“Hugging you,” Loki said into Thor’s shoulder. “Isn’t that what you asked me here for?”

Thor chuckled. Norns, Loki could feel it in his chest, and it did things to him. Wonderful things. “Um…” Thor said, “technically, yes, but I was hoping for…something more besides—”

“Would you rather I stabbed you instead? Because I still haven’t ruled out that possibility.”

“Okay, _okay,_ ” Thor laughed. Loki found himself laughing with him. And it felt so good to do so.

He pulled back to look at Thor again. But his arms were still around Thor’s shoulders, so he was much closer. There was hardly an inch between them now.

And the closer Loki got to Thor, the less sense it made to not go ahead with the ‘something more besides’ that Thor had tried to initiate.

“But maybe you’re right,” Thor said.

Loki sighed. Their intentions had just crossed over at the same time. Could they never be on the same page?

Thor shrugged. “Maybe we should talk first.”

_Was he fucking serious?!_

__

__

“What in Hel would you want to talk about?” Loki asked.

Thor’s face reeled back a bit at the question. “Seriously? After all we’ve been through the last few years, you really think there’s nothing to talk about?”

“I think there’s _too much_ to talk about,” Loki said. “Too much to be so easily solved with a single conversation.”

He felt Thor start to deflate in his hold. He knew Loki had a point. “Still, we have to start somewhere.”

Loki shrugged. “True.” But then he smirked. “So how about starting with this?”

And he softly pressed his lips to Thor’s.

Thor responded against his mouth, which sparked such heat in his veins. But just as he really started to get into it, Thor withdrew. “I thought you didn’t want to do this.”

Loki resumed the kiss. “I changed my mind,” he said between kisses.

Thor hummed a laugh. Still, he murmured, “You’re sure?”

Loki surged his lips even harder against Thor’s. “What part of this”—another kiss—“gives you any indication”—another kiss—“that I’m not sure?”

At his next kiss, Thor overwhelmed him with his mouth, delving his tongue in past Loki’s teeth. Loki moaned into it without meaning to. He’d forgotten how _good_ Thor was at this!

The next thing he knew, Thor had walked him backward onto the bed, and was smothering his little brother’s body with his bulk. Loki was fully prepared to lose himself in the ecstasy that Thor was promising him tonight. Then, once they were sated and curled up languidly together in their post-coital haze, _then_ they could talk.

Or they could just fall asleep afterward and rest for the next three days. That was an acceptable option, as well. They’d have months of this voyage to Earth to catch up. What was the rush?

Thor quickly bared his own torso, which had Loki salivating. Thor then started fumbling in Loki’s clothes for the fastenings. “Why do you always create outfits that are so difficult to remove?” he grumbled.

Loki snickered. “To watch you grow frustrated trying to remove them.”

Thor shoved his shoulder. “You have magic, don’t you? Use it.”

“But then what would be the point? Maybe watching you work for what you want turns me on.”

“And maybe seeing you naked as quickly as possible turns _me_ on.”

Loki smirked. “No can do. You want this, you play by my rules.”

“Oh, right, like you don’t want this too?”

“I’m willing to bet you want it more.”

“Take your damn clothes off, Loki!”

“ _You_ take them off, you impatient child!”

Somehow the warmth in their banter had given way to true irritation. They stared at each other in wordless challenge, waiting for the other to give in. 

Well, for maybe five seconds. Then they burst out laughing. Laughing and laughing so hard they couldn’t stop.

Thor soon fell forward to hold Loki as he laughed. The force of it turned Loki’s laughter into more of a wheeze as his breath was squeezed out. Sometimes Thor still pretended he didn’t know his own strength.

“Okay, okay,” Loki said, and slapped at Thor’s shoulder to get him off. Thor obliged, allowing him to breathe. “Fine. How about this: I’ll take my shirt off, but my pants are your problem.”

“Fine,” Thor said. As soon as Loki twisted his fingers to vanish his upper half’s clothing, Thor’s hands were on him. 

“I should warn you, though,” Thor rumbled as he nuzzled along Loki’s jaw, “I might just resort to ripping them to shreds.”

“Might you?”

_“With my teeth.”_

__

__

Loki shivered at the darkening lust in Thor’s eye as he said that. He suddenly felt lightheaded as all his blood rushed south.

“Is that a promise?” he asked in an unsteady voice.

Thor slowly grinned, and the darkness in his eye was morphed from mere lust into pure, undying love. “Yes,” he breathed. He leaned closer to Loki. “And so is this.”

His next kiss was so sweet that Loki was sure he would die from it.

Fortunately, Thor took pity on him, and left his lips to suck kisses onto his neck. Loki’s breath could hardly keep up with his body’s demands.

He only panted harder as Thor’s mouth traveled further down, tracing his midline past his chest, to his stomach. His hands kept pace with his mouth, stroking and squeezing and caressing all the places he knew Loki loved. Loki had almost forgotten what kinds of touches in which places turned him on the most, but Thor certainly hadn’t.

It felt strange, knowing that his own body was more of a stranger to himself than it was to Thor. Especially considering Thor had missed out on some crucial events in that body’s recent history.

Just as the thought crossed Loki’s mind, Thor’s lips had descended past his navel, right above the waistband of his trousers. His hands, meanwhile, had traveled to knead at Loki’s thighs.

Loki broke out in a cold sweat.

“Stop.”

Thor’s teeth gently gripped Loki’s waistband, preparing to tug.

“Thor, stop!”

Now Thor heard him. He immediately let go with his hands and teeth. Loki sprang into sitting up, forcing Thor further down the bed.

Loki couldn’t look at Thor. He turned to swing his legs over the edge of the bed, and hunched over his knees. He felt far too exposed even with his torso bare, so he twisted his hand to conjure his shirt again.

He conjured Thor’s too, for good measure. He didn’t need to be tempted right now.

He heard Thor’s sigh of irritation when his own upper half was suddenly covered again. But Thor didn’t give voice to it beyond that. Instead, he asked, “Did I do something wrong?”

Loki scoffed. But the sting in his retort petered out quicker than he’d intended. “You’ve done nothing wrong. Not tonight, anyway.”

He waited for Thor to prod further, but he didn’t. He let the quiet sit for a while. It helped Loki get more settled in his skin, for his breathing to calm down. 

When Thor did speak again, it was soft. “Maybe we do need to talk first.”

Loki was on his feet before he knew he was doing it. “Or maybe,” he snapped, “we could _not_ do that.”

But before he could take two steps, Thor had grabbed his wrist to hold him back. Loki glared at him. His anger was only stoked by the firmness leveled back in Thor’s gaze.

“I thought these days you were prepared to let me go,” Loki hissed. 

But Thor was as unmoveable as his erstwhile hammer. Still, some distant pain crept into the edge of his eye, giving the iron in his gaze even more weight. 

“We’ve been shutting each other out for the last six years,” Thor said. “What good has that done, for either of us?”

A thousand retorts readied themselves on Loki’s tongue. They all died before they made it out the gates.

Because Thor was right. Damn him.

Thor must have seen his acknowledgement of that fact, as he let go of Loki’s wrist. Loki slunk back to sit on the bed, like a beat dog returning home with his tail tucked.

But just as he sat down, Thor left the bed himself. Loki panicked. “What the Hel are you—”

Thor picked up the two drinks he’d poured earlier, and held them up with raised eyebrows to say _See?_

__

__

“Oh,” said Loki. He felt so foolish for thinking Thor was leaving. But if they were going to talk, alcohol was probably a good idea.

Thor settled back in, sitting propped up against the headboard. Loki mirrored the position. He downed half his drink in one gulp. Thor did the same.

They nursed the rest of their drinks in silence for a while. Loki did so out of spite. Thor was the one who wanted to talk, right? Let him make the first move.

Loki wasn’t staying quiet because he was scared of this type of conversation. Because he wasn’t.

Fortunately, Thor was the one to break the quiet. “I suppose it was foolish to think we could just pick back up where we’d left off.”

Loki let his silence speak for him. Yes, it was foolish, on both their parts.

“We’ve both changed,” Thor continued. “We’re different people now.” 

Loki half-laughed at that. “You’re you and I’m me,” he quoted. Usually throwing Thor’s words back in his face was a cause for triumph. But there was no victory in this.

There was a sudden heat where Thor took Loki’s hand. It was such a simple gesture, but Loki’s heart ached from it.

He looked up at Thor. Thor was looking at him with a slight smile. “That may be,” he said. “But whoever you are, whatever you are, I will always see you as the most important person in my life. Just as you always have been.”

His words made Loki feel more naked than when he’d had his shirt off. Even if it was a confession from Thor, it was Loki who was made so vulnerable by it.

He tried to stave it off with a snide remark: “That’s not saying much, seeing as most of your family and friends are dead.”

But it immediately backfired, as such pain bloomed in Thor’s face from it. Loki reeled back from it, as well. He hadn’t intended to wound so much with his words.

So why had he even said it?

He cursed himself. He knew exactly why: to protect himself from getting too close to Thor. Even though he craved exactly that.

He looked down at his lap. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “That was unkind.”

Thor shrugged. But he squeezed Loki’s hand, in wordless thanks for the apology. Loki knew he was lucky to even get that.

“I’m sorry, too,” Thor murmured. Loki was puzzled at what he meant by that, so he looked back up at Thor to figure it out.

Thor was looking down at what remained of his drink. “Six years ago, you thought you had lost all your family and friends.”

Loki frowned. “I did try to take over the Earth.”

“I’m talking about right after I was banished.”

Loki’s eyes widened. Thor met them, and gingerly proceeded. “You never lost us, though. Not really. You didn’t fail us because of who you were born to.” His gaze softened, with a sting of regret filling its depths. “We were the ones who failed you, when you needed us most.”

Loki looked down to Thor’s shoulder. He was suddenly seized by an impulse of a little brother to bury his head there. He barely managed to refrain.

“Mother and Father failed me,” he said. “They knew the truth, and kept it from me until it blew up in their faces.” He shrugged. “You were lied to just as much as I was, and not only about me. Look at what we just survived, because Father failed to mention he had a murderous daughter locked away all these years.”

Thor raised his eyebrows in agreement as he took another drink. Loki’s eyes were drawn to Thor’s eyepatch. Some of the skin around its edges was still an angry red. Loki wondered if it still hurt.

When Thor put down his glass, his voice was soft. “Still. I don’t suppose it was memories of our sister that caused you to tell me ‘stop’ just now.”

Loki’s face drew inward. He’d really hoped he could avoid talking about this tonight. But fate wouldn’t ever be that kind to him.

But just as he opened his mouth to start scrambling around with his words, Thor asked, “Was it the Grandmaster?”

Loki froze, his mouth gaping open like a goldfish.

Thor was looking at him with such concern. “You need not be ashamed, Brother, if he hurt you—”

Loki couldn’t help it. He burst out laughing.

Thor’s concern quickly became bewilderment. “Wait, Loki, what are you—”

 _“The Grandmaster?”_ Loki howled with laughter. “Oh, Thor, you—I can’t believe you just—”

Thor started to relax, and grinned. “Okay. So I was wrong. That’s a relief, then.”

Loki wiped at his eyes. “You really think he, what? Forced himself on me? Played some sadistic game with me in his bed? Oh, brother, you _slay_ me.”

As if in triumph, Thor drained the last swallow of his drink. And Loki couldn’t resist. “Now, don’t get me wrong, he did fuck me.”

Thor spat out his drink, spraying it everywhere. _“W-what?”_ he spluttered.

Loki shrugged with a shit-eating grin. “I had to gain the Grandmaster’s favor to survive. How else do you think I managed it?”

“I-I thought you meant you whispered the right words in his ear, or something!”

“Well, I _did_ , but then I also gave him a strip-tease and let him pound my ass.”

Thor ran a hand over his face. Loki could hardly keep from giggling at how worked up Thor was getting over this.

“So wait, you…” Thor said, his hand still on his face, muffling his words, “…are you telling me you _enjoyed_ it?”

Again, Loki shrugged. “It wasn’t bad.”

Thor peeked at him from between his fingers. For a moment he looked almost like a child, as if he weren’t an Asgardian king in his prime with the weight of his people’s destiny on his shoulders. “That’s not the same thing as enjoying it.”

“What do you want from me?” Loki shot back. “I found some pleasure in his touch. I even got to come once. And it ended with my survival, which was what I was after.”

Thor didn’t say anything in reply. Loki knew he was in the right here. How they’d started arguing about this, he wasn’t sure. But even when they’d assumed they were brothers by blood, it never took them long to reach that point.

He saw Thor open his mouth, then close it. Swallowing his words. Loki sighed. “What?”

“Nothing.”

Loki rolled his eyes. “What was it you said about shutting each other out?”

He threw back a swallow of his drink. Meanwhile, Thor said, “Forget it, it’s stupid to even think this.”

“Well, you _are_ stupid,” Loki said, and playfully cuffed his fist against Thor’s head. Thor gave a halfhearted smile. “C’mon, what is it?”

Thor heaved a sigh, staring at his lap. “Was he better than me?”

Loki went still for a second, before he snapped out of it and looked at Thor. Was Thor really being so insecure that he was comparing himself to that madman?

Loki let out a single breath of a laugh. “Thor,” he said, and waited until Thor looked at him before continuing. “He could never hold a candle to what you can give me.”

Thor’s smile found a proper home on his face then. The whole rest of the room seemed brighter for it. 

Loki glanced quickly at Thor’s lap. “Your cock is bigger than his, anyway.” Thor laughed. “I mean, not by much, but still!”

Thor whacked his shoulder at that, but Loki could tell Thor was preening inside at the compliment. Loki let him, with an exasperated brand of fondness reserved for the big lug sprawled next to him.

“So,” Thor said, slapping his own thigh to punctuate the transition, “while we’re on the subject, are there any other recent sex partners of yours I should know about?”

Again, Loki froze. His heart stuttered in his chest. Back to that again.

Maybe one day, he could tell Thor about the Outriders. He probably wouldn’t be ready to for centuries, but it was still possible. What had happened in the cell, however…

He only now noticed Thor peering closely at him. “Loki?”

Loki knew right then that what happened in the cell needed to stay hidden for the rest of his days.

Not knowing how else he could talk his way out of this, he said quietly, “I don’t think I’m prepared to answer that question tonight.”

Thor was caught off-guard by that answer, he could tell. They’d pivoted again, from playful banter to balancing on a tightrope. Maybe it would always be that way with each other.

But Thor said, “Okay. That’s fine. We can talk another time.”

Yes. Another time. Hopefully in a thousand years.

Loki levered off the bed then. He took Thor’s empty glass along with his own, replacing them on the table with the liquor bottles. After that, he took his chance to head for the door. He might as well try to find a place to sleep on this ship.

“Aren’t you staying?”

Loki stopped in his tracks at Thor’s question. He tried to play it off with a laugh, saying, “I’m not fucking you tonight, Thor. Nor will I fuck you in the morning.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Thor said. “I just meant to sleep.”

Loki sighed. It did sound nice, to fall asleep beside the brother he had felt so safe with for so many centuries. They’d shared a bedchamber as children, and even when they were separated at a certain age, they would always sneak into each other’s rooms at night anyway. For playing pretend games of adventure as children, and for sex as adolescents and adults.

All told, Loki had spent more nights of his life with Thor than without him. It was his default sleep setting. Although, if the last six years had taught him anything, it was that his previous status quo no longer applied to him.

“Besides,” Thor said, “we haven’t yet assigned permanent sleeping spaces for anyone but me. I doubt you’d find a place with the solitude you crave.”

“I wouldn’t get that by staying with you, either,” Loki retorted.

But he already knew he would give in and stay here. He knew it, and Thor knew it.

Still, Thor put in one last plea. “Stay, Loki. Please.”

Dammit. Thor just had to use his soft, vulnerable, I-need-you-so-much-I-can’t-stand-it voice. The same tone he’d used on the cliff on Midgard, when he’d said “You come _home._ ” Loki could never refuse Thor for long when he used that voice.

“Fine,” he said. “Just don’t snore.”

Thor rolled his eye at the familiar complaint. “I can’t control if I snore. Because I’m _asleep_ when I do it.”

“Prop yourself up, then,” Loki said, even as he twisted his fingers to conjure pajamas for them both. “If I wake tonight from one of your thunderous noises, I _will_ bury a knife between your ribs.”

Thor set his eyepatch on the side table nearest him. “You do that,” he said as he climbed under the covers, “and I’ll electrocute you so hard your hair will be sticking up for a week.”

Loki’s mouth twisted as he climbed in after Thor. “Fuck you, Lord of Thunder.”

“I thought you said that’s off the table.”

_“You know what I mean.”_

__

__

But Thor was laughing at his own jest. “Goodnight, Brother.”

Loki sighed. All their empty threats dissipated as soon as they’d been established. He reached over to his own bedside table, to slide his finger over the Sakaarian runes that controlled the room’s lighting. The lights dimmed into nothing as his finger reached the table’s corner.

“Goodnight,” he said softly.

He was facing away from Thor, but Thor soon reached an arm around his middle, spooning him from behind. Loki huffed in a token show of protest, but he didn’t move away.

Thor’s breath tickled at the back of his neck when he whispered, “Hey.”

“Mmm?”

A pause. Then, “I do love you, Loki.”

Loki froze yet again. He’d had a record number of those reactions tonight. His brother’s open affection tended to do that to him of late.

“No matter what you’ve done,” Thor continued into the darkness, “and no matter what’s happened to you. I love you.”

Loki’s face felt quite warm. And he knew the thermostat wasn’t to blame. Or the blankets, or Thor’s body heat. 

He could hardly hold his voice together enough to ask, “Why did you have to say that?”

“Because I don’t think you know that sometimes,” Thor whispered. “And I want you to know. I love you.”

That was the third time he’d said that in the span of thirty seconds. Loki didn’t know which he would prefer: to never hear Thor say that again; or to hear him keep saying it, over and over, for the rest of Loki’s life.

He wondered if Thor expected him to say it back. He knew his brother hoped for it, but a hope and an expectation were two very different animals. Particularly where Loki was concerned.

In the end, he didn’t. All he could manage was holding his brother’s hand where it lay on his chest. Thor squeezed it in acknowledgement.

They drifted to sleep like that. And somehow, that gesture felt like it had been enough.


	9. Just When Things Were Going So Well

Loki woke up in the same position, with his brother plastered against his back, snoring softly. It was such a familiar feeling that Loki couldn’t help but relax into it.

Indeed, just being back with Thor was soothing. They so easily fell into many of their old rhythms, gently teasing each other as they did when they'd thought they shared blood. Loki didn’t expect to have missed this so much.

But he did. And he knew this meant he might screw this up. He couldn’t let that happen.

And yet, the makeshift council meeting that day did just that.

Thor picked those he trusted most, and those with the most experience in essential areas of knowledge. Heimdall, the Valkyrie, Banner, and Korg; navigators, healers, and technicians. And Loki, of course. 

They picked a schedule of sleeping and waking. They delegated those who would inventory their food and fuel, to later calculate how they would ration them and when they would need to stop and resupply. They determined how disputes would be moderated, and how they would assign sleeping spaces. (Loki stayed mum on that last issue, and thankfully, Thor let him.)

It was when they were discussing how they might honor the dead of Asgard’s destruction, that an elderly gentleman spoke up. “Although we must make do with what we have, traditionally the Allfather and Allmother would preside over such memorials. My king, have you anyone in mind to take up the latter position?”

Silence descended over the table for a beat too long. Thor blinked. “What?”

The man leaned forward over the table. “I mean to say, have you anyone in mind who might make a suitable queen?”

Loki had to tamp down hard on the urge to vomit, though he tried to be discreet about it.

He must not have been discreet enough, however, as the Valkyrie raised her eyebrows at him. But she quickly turned to Thor again. “Yes, Your Majesty,” she said in that cheeky tone she always said the title in, “which lucky woman would you like to sleep with for the rest of your life, so we can adhere to tradition for a single day’s funeral?”

“It’s a legitimate question,” the man who had spoken up said. “Now that Thor is king, he must have heirs. The future of our people is at stake.”

Loki stood up before he could think about how prudent such an action might be. Everyone turned to him. Loki purposely avoided the eye of his idiot of a brother-king seated next to him.

He gave a slight laugh, preparing to let his silver tongue do the talking for him. But before he got the chance, Thor spoke up. “I may have a solution.”

 _Don’t you dare,_ Loki thought, as if Thor could hear him. _Don’t you dare, don’t you fucking_ dare.

“However,” Thor said, “it needs to be discussed with the party involved. I will report back when I have an answer.”

The man who had brought it up nodded graciously. No one else had anything further to add, so the meeting was adjourned.

Loki promptly ran out of the room.

xxx

Loki had developed quite the talent in his youth of avoiding Thor. No matter where they found themselves in the universe—in the halls of the palace, in an encampment of a military campaign, or on this Norns-forsaken spaceship—he could always put it to use.

Unfortunately, over the years, Thor had also developed the skill of finding Loki. And Loki hated him for it.

Loki played his part under the guise of staying useful, finding a myriad of tasks he could assist with. Over the course of the afternoon, he’d inventoried half the medical supplies, helped install a privacy curtain between two families’ living quarters, and rewired a shorted circuit in the engine room.

He was on his way from this last task that evening, magicking his hands clean of engine oil, when the Valkyrie intercepted his path. “Oy, Lackey!”

Loki rolled his eyes. She knew his name was Loki by now. “If you call me by what my name actually is, I might be inclined to answer you.”

“You _did_ just answer me,” she said as she sauntered over to him. “And if you’ve got a minute, there’s something we need your help with on the other end of the ship.”

Loki sighed. He considered giving a scathing reply, but he _was_ in search of excuses to not return to his and Thor’s sleeping quarters. So, he instead replied, “Lead on.”

She took him through a circuitous path, which Loki knew wasn’t the most direct way to the other end of the ship. Eventually he stated that fact, but all she said was, “Nearly there.”

Loki followed her round a corner, and found himself face-to-face with Thor. 

He froze. Thor did not look amused.

But before he could attempt an undignified escape, the Valkyrie had caught his wrist. He reacted on instinct to fight off her grip.

One headlock and several contusions later, Loki remembered how bad of an idea it was to fight this woman.

Thor’s firm grip on his bicep was all it took to release her chokehold. “Enough. I’ll take it from here.”

“As you wish, Your Majesty,” she said, and with a smirk at Loki, she headed back the way she’d come.

“I thought you didn’t help anyone!” Loki couldn’t help yelling at her retreating back.

She turned on her heel, walking backwards as she leered at him. “I do if it means you’ll get knocked down a few pegs!” She flipped him off, and disappeared around the corner.

Without warning, Thor started dragging Loki toward their quarters. It wasn’t far from here. No wonder the Valkyrie had been leading him on such a peculiar path; it was to disorient him.

Loki tried to stammer his way out of it. “Thor, I really don’t think this is the best way to—”

Too late. Thor had shoved him inside, and closed the door on them both. Dammit.

Loki looked at the door at Thor’s back, gauging whether he could sneak his way around his mammoth of a brother before he got his ass kicked. It didn’t look like it.

So, he fixed his ire on Thor. “Is this your way of handling our reconciliation?”

“It is when you leave me no other option, by hiding from me the entire day like a _child._ ”

Loki did not deign to acknowledge that comment with a response. Mostly because there was no arguing with it.

So, he smirked, stepped away, and headed over to Thor’s (and his?) vanity to fiddle with a silvery instrument atop it. He wasn’t retreating. Of course not.

“So,” he drawled, “you have me here. What could you possibly want to say to me that is worth our beloved king’s undivided attentio—”

_“You know what.”_

Loki’s fingers paused in their movements. Of course he knew. But that didn’t mean he was at all prepared to broach the subject of Thor’s fantasies. “You’re going to have to be more specific, Brother, if you want to have a conversa—”

Thor’s hand was suddenly shoving his shoulder, spinning him around to face him. He was now effectively pinned against the vanity by Thor’s intoxicating bulk.

But Loki was ready. He summoned one of his daggers to his hand, and held it to Thor’s jugular quick as blinking.

Thor was breathing hard through his nostrils as he attempted to keep his frustrations in check. They were so close that Loki could feel each exhale against his face. He had to use all his focus to suppress his shiver.

“You know what I’m talking about,” Thor growled. “What Drunnar spoke of at the meeting.”

His pretense now stripped away, Loki gave the matter a single laugh. “And this is how you decide to bring it up with me? By tricking me into meeting with you, and cornering me until I hold a knife to your neck?”

“ _You_ forced my hand when you—”

“And why do you think I’ve been avoiding the subject?” Loki bit out. His own frustrations were overtaking him now. It caused his knife hand to quiver. The blade only grazed Thor’s neck, hardly even a tickle, but it was enough to make Thor hold still.

Good. Let _him_ be on the defensive for once.

But it didn’t achieve that end entirely; it just let the wind out of Thor’s bluster. Made him soften his approach. Which, for Loki, was even worse, because it had the most chance of being effective.

Thor sighed, and moved his hand from Loki’s shoulder, to hold the side of his neck. Loki stiffened. He should have sliced open Thor’s throat while he had the chance. Now he was done for.

“I don’t want to start a fight over this,” Thor said softly. “I just want you to consider this option.”

“And what option is that?” Loki hissed.

Thor’s eye started sparkling, becoming even bluer, if that were possible. “That we could marry.”

For a horrifying second, tears started to spring to Loki’s eyes. He quickly blinked them back down. But he couldn’t be sure if Thor had seen. Knowing Loki’s luck, he most likely had.

Thor kept talking. “I know we used to talk about it when we were young—”

“We were literal children,” Loki retorted.

“And we had a king for a father who would never allow it,” Thor said. “But I am king now. I can allow this if I want to.”

Loki rolled his eyes. “If that’s the perspective you have about ruling, you’ll make a terrible king.”

Thor grinned. “I know. But I think I have a better idea now of what to allow myself.”

“That’s up for debate,” Loki said. “How would you imagine our beloved citizens would take it, when you tell them you’re planning to marry your brother?”

Thor was quiet for a second. He shrugged. “I don’t think they’d care too much.”

Loki reeled back at that. “Seriously?”

“Even if they would care in any other circumstances, they just lost almost everything they had,” Thor pointed out. “All the rules we used to live by are now up for debate.”

Loki was reminded of what he’d once said to Sif, back when Thor was banished. _Our people need a sense of continuity, in order to feel safe in these difficult times._

__

__

Sure, at the time he’d been giving a flimsy excuse to not reverse Thor’s banishment. But the idea was not without merit. Could Thor marrying the only other member of Asgardian royalty, one who had already held tenure over the throne for several years, count as ‘continuity’?

“Besides,” Thor said, “everyone knows we’re not brothers by blood. The incest taboo wouldn’t really be broken by us having children.”

All the blood drained from Loki’s face at that last word.

Thor must have seen his reaction, for he bit his lip. “Loki, I—”

_“Is that why you’re doing this?”_

__

__

Thor stumbled back at the sudden tongue-lashing. “I’m not—”

“You think you could trap me in here, whisper a few sweet nothings, and I’d fall at your feet and agree to become your baby-making machine?” Loki seethed, slowly advancing on Thor with the dagger till he had him backed against the opposite wall. _“Is that what you thought would happen?”_

__

__

“That isn’t why I want this!”

_“Isn’t it?”_

__

__

“Well, it’s not the only reason!” Thor shouted. “And it’s not like I have much of a choice! I’m king now, I _have_ to have children!”

“Then have them with someone else!”

_“I don’t want them from someone else!”_

__

__

_“WELL, YOU CAN’T GET THEM FROM ME ANYMORE!”_

__

__

Thor opened his mouth to shout his reply, but he cut himself off before he could get any words out, as he realized what Loki had just said.

Unfortunately, it took Loki seeing Thor’s reaction to realize the same.

Thor’s brow creased. It took a few tries for him to get his words out. When he did, they were so quiet. “What do you mean, ‘anymore’?”

Loki’s jaw stuttered on any retort or deflection. He hadn’t meant to say the last word. Why had he? How could he have been so utterly _foolish?_

__

__

He shook his head. “I’m not doing this.”

He tried to push past Thor to head for the door. But Thor wasn’t having it; he shoved a hand onto Loki’s chest and forced him to stay still. _“What do you mean, ‘anymore’?”_

__

__

The look in Thor’s eye was so concerned, hopeful, and terrified all at once. But Loki had nothing to offer him to soothe any of it. “Let me go, you animal.”

“Only if you answer my question, Brother.”

Loki’s jaw set. But he knew he wasn’t getting out of this. The only way he was escaping this room was if he tried to fight or trick Thor, and neither of those options had worked recently. 

So, it looked like he would have to fight Thor with the truth.

“Fine,” he snapped. “You want the truth, I’ll give it to you. And when I do, you’ll _wish_ I had given you lies. Just remember, _you_ asked for this.”

Thor gave a nod. But Loki could detect the uncertainty in it. Good.

To his credit, Thor dropped his hand from Loki’s chest. But he didn’t move away from his proximity to the door. Just in case Loki tried to make a run for it.

Well, by the end of this tale, Thor would probably be the one bolting out the door.

Loki turned away from Thor, and vanished away the dagger. He took a breath to steel himself. “Did you ever wonder where I ended up when I fell from the Bifrost?”

He waited, but Thor gave no reply. Probably because Thor expected him to just give his answer.

So he did, as he ambled across the room, toward the large window that yawned out at the universe. “It was not a pleasant place. A barren crevice of a realm. It was the domain of a powerful being named—”

He stopped. Why did he stop? It was only a name. A name that had haunted his mind for the last six years, but still just a name.

“Thanos.” He ended up whispering it. 

He looked up, over at the distant stars near the top of the window. Any one of them could have contained the rocky little world he’d fallen to. 

“He had his minions torture me,” he said softly. The phantom sting of molten metal sent a shudder down his back. “They wanted information about the Tesseract, and thought my Asgardian appearance meant I could furnish them with such knowledge.”

He let the silence settle for a while. Maybe waiting to see if Thor would accuse him of the damage he’d caused on Earth, for revealing such information. But Thor didn’t say a word.

Loki knew it was because Thor was still waiting for his explanation. Yet his next words stuck in his throat.

So he chuckled, which ended up prying them loose. “It took them three months to find out I was really a Frost Giant. Then they started torturing me with heat. In the end, that was what broke me.”

He realized he could see his own reflection in the window, if he looked at it right. He looked away, fixing his attention to the stars again. “I think that’s also what brought it on. I thought they were cramps, at first. I hadn’t bled for three months, but I thought it was because of the torture. I hadn’t known—”

He had to bow his head as he remembered it. Remembered how much it had hurt, and what it had finally looked like when—

He shook his head. “I hadn’t known we had conceived a child until it fell out of me.”

He felt cold inside as he said that. He didn’t feel like screaming, though, not like he had the previous times he’d thought of it. The fresh edges of the sorrow had granulated in. Now he was just numb.

“Do you know how big a three-month-old fetus is?” he found himself asking. There was no sting in his words, no spiteful glee at hurling them at Thor’s face. There wasn’t anything.

He answered his own question, by showing the size between his thumb and pointer finger. “About this long. It fit under the palm of my hand.”

He waited. But Thor stayed silent.

So, with a deep breath, Loki crossed his arms and pressed on. “Thanos found out, of course. And he said I needed to forget, so I could focus on finding the Tesseract. He had a rather…unusual solution in mind.”

Now came the revulsion, as he remembered what those beasts had done to him. How loud he’d screamed the first time they’d raped him, knowing it would go on, and on, with no end in sight.

“He gave me to a race of beasts he’d bred.” He kept his voice neutral well enough. “They raped me in every hole I had, and they did it for months. I think their seed was acidic, because it burned inside me. And…”

He could almost feel that ache in his lower belly right now, remembering what that seed had done. “…And eventually, small pieces of my womb started falling out of me. They were blackened and smoking. And they kept falling out, even when I fought you and your little friends on Earth. It didn’t stop till I was in Asgard’s dungeons.” He looked down at where that womb would be. “I don’t know what’s left of it. Probably a mangled mess, suspended with my viscera by a thread. Or maybe there’s nothing left at all. Maybe it’s closed off, with just a mass of scar tissue where my cervix was.”

Now more bitterness crept into his tone. “I haven’t bled since then, so if my ovaries are still in there, they’re not functioning. Clearly, I can’t bear you any children.” He turned to face Thor again. “So if you’d be so kind as to put these inane fantasies out of your hea—”

His words were stolen as he laid eyes on his brother.

Thor’s eye was closed, and one hand was clasped over his mouth. His shoulders shook as he tried to contain his near-silent sobs.

It would have hurt less if he’d kicked Loki in the chest. Loki wasn’t sure what reaction he’d expected, but certainly not one as painful as this. He didn’t know what to say or do in response.

He ended up crossing the room to Thor. Thor didn’t seem to notice; he was still quietly sobbing with his eye closed. Loki hesitantly put his hands to Thor’s shoulders.

Thor’s eye flew open, and there was such immense grief and sorrow in its depths that Loki wanted to run from it. Run far away, the way he’d done with his own pain for so long.

Thor’s hand left his mouth. He gasped in another sob. “We…we had a child?”

A lump rose in Loki’s throat. His eyes stung. All he could do was nod.

Thor started crying in earnest. Before Loki knew what was happening, Thor had locked him in a desperate embrace, as his tears started falling without restraint. Such broken sounds tumbled out his throat, and each one hurt Loki’s heart all over again.

He returned the embrace, and let his brother cry against him. There was nothing else to be done.

xxx

They ended up on the bed together, holding each other desperately. After nearly an hour, Thor was still shuddering with sobs, though he’d pushed through the worst of it.

Loki also had some tears running down his face. But they hadn’t been forced out by sobs; they’d just fallen of their own accord. He didn’t remember shedding them. 

Thor’s head was tucked into Loki’s neck, which meant he was staining it with his tears. Loki couldn’t bring himself to care.

“I’m sorry,” Thor was whispering. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

Loki wasn’t sure what Thor was saying that for. It could be a number of things. 

I’m sorry I’m crying on you. I’m sorry I got you pregnant. I’m sorry I let you fall from the Bifrost. I’m sorry you were tortured, and raped, and forced to miscarry. I’m sorry you were alone with all this. I’m sorry you’re infertile now. I’m sorry I can’t marry you.

Maybe he meant all of them, and more besides.

“If I had…” Thor said through his shudders, “…if I could have stopped you from letting go—”

“Don’t,” Loki whispered.

“If I had said something that night, if I could have convinced you to hold on—”

“You can’t do this to yourself,” Loki pleaded. Already he felt that ache in his belly returning. To distract from it, he started stroking his fingers over Thor’s scalp. He used to play with his brother’s hair in years past, but there was so little of it left. The spiky strands he had now would have to suffice.

“You can’t go through every permutation of how things could have been different,” he murmured, “or what we could have had, or what she would have been like. It won’t change what really happened.”

Thor stiffened in his arms. He didn’t understand why, until Thor choked out a single word:

“She?”

Fire burned in Loki’s throat as he realized what he’d said.

He’d tried so hard to forget that detail, by calling her an ‘it’ in his head all these years.

Thor seized up in his arms with a fresh wave of sobs. This time, Loki joined him.


	10. Memorial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize that this is one of the shortest chapters we'll have here. There wasn't really any other way to break it up at this point in the story.

Loki woke late the next morning—or at least, what they’d decided to count as ‘morning’ when they’d set up the ship’s schedule. The first thing he was aware of was fingers stroking through his hair.

He opened his eyes. Thor was looking at him with such melancholy. Last night came rushing back. 

Loki just looked at Thor. Thor just looked at Loki. What was there to even say, after a night like the one they’d had?

Though every cell in his body protested, Loki moved to sit up. He couldn’t rest in this atmosphere for long, or he feared he’d never rouse from it.

Besides, his and Thor’s more romantic attachment now had an expiration date. It had to, what with Thor’s reproductive mandate and Loki’s reproductive abilities now rendered incompatible. What could be gained by prolonging this?

But Thor followed him into sitting up. And reached to hold his face. Loki closed his eyes, as if that would shut Thor out.

It didn’t, of course. A fact only confirmed when Thor kissed him. It wasn’t on his lips, but instead landed on the corner of his mouth. 

“I still don’t want anyone but you,” Thor murmured.

Loki’s eyes flew open, to his brother’s tender gaze less than an inch away. He huffed. “You know that’s not possible.”

Thor’s response was a beat too late to be sincere in its hope. “We’ll figure something out.”

“Thor—”

“If I have to find a wife, I’ll have thousands of years left to do so. There’s no reason I need to right now.”

“So I’m to be your harlot until you cast me aside for someone more fecund?”

“Loki,” Thor sighed. He suddenly looked so tired. “Don’t twist my words.”

As he said that, he reminded Loki so much of Odin.

Loki quickly moved past that observation. “What about the memorial?”

“We don’t need an Allmother for that,” Thor said. Something in his face shrank in as he added, “I don’t even know if I count as an Allfather.”

Loki’s brow quirked at the admission. Yes, Allfathers usually reigned from the golden throne of Hlidskjalf in Asgard’s Great Hall, anointed with the dark sorceries needed for rule. Whereas Thor had no Bifrost-opening powers, no palace, and hardly even a throne.

Still, Thor was being foolish to doubt his position. “You are the King of Asgard,” Loki said. “That makes you the Allfather, whether you like it or not.”

Thor gave him a sad smile. And something spiteful in Loki’s pain reared its head, causing him to quietly add, “At least you get to be someone’s father.”

The smile vanished. Loki cursed himself. Why did his tongue always betray his heart like this?

Thor reached to cradle Loki’s neck, but Loki couldn’t stand this pretense of being welcome here any longer. He levered off the bed and fled the room.

xxx

He made himself scarce over the next few days. He even found a small storage closet he then repurposed as his new sleeping quarters. At first, he made sure to avoid the Valkyrie, as well as Korg and Heimdall, in case they were roped into Thor’s efforts to find him. But surprisingly, none of them came seeking him out for veiled purposes.

Which meant Thor was leaving him alone. He’d hoped for it, but it still crushed his heart to arrive at that realization. If Thor gave up hope on something, it meant there was no hope left.

But, the memorial for Asgard’s fallen came upon them soon enough. Even Loki couldn’t avoid it. So, he put on a neutral expression, and eased into the gathering.

They had no orbs of light they could float into the air, so they made do by holding Sakaar’s version of flashlights. Nor did they have the wooden boats to be lit aflame for each fallen loved one. Instead, they collected a pile of tattered clothes and blood-stained bandages discarded in the battle’s aftermath, and lit them into a blazing pyre in the center of the bridge.

Thor led the proceedings alone, saying the words that brought the fallen souls to Valhalla. Everyone offered the names of their slain loved ones. The room grew heavier with each one. Loki could hardly stand it.

There was a pause after everyone had said a few names, the silence punctuated only by a few sniffles. “Are there any more names to be offered?” Thor asked.

Loki looked around. None were offered. But then his eyes landed on Thor, to see his brother staring straight at him.

Oh. _That’s_ what Thor was asking him.

He barely reclaimed the wits enough to shake his head. He’d never named her. What would be the point? To make the loss feel even more significant?

It still took a few seconds for Thor’s eye to leave him. “We bid you all, named and unnamed, to take your places in the halls of Valhalla, where the brave shall live forever.”

“Nor shall we mourn, but rejoice,” every Asgardian said in unison, “for those who have died the glorious death.”

Loki stared at the pyre as it ate up their words. Thor’s choice of phrasing was not lost on him. _Named and unnamed._

__

__

Was that tiny little thing in Valhalla now? Had it— _she_ —died in battle? Had she been brave?

Loki turned from the pyre and ducked into the nearest corridor. There was one thing he knew, which Thor could never understand:

Her death had not been glorious.


	11. Reunion

Long after everyone had fallen asleep, Loki still couldn’t. He found a large porthole with enough of a ledge for him to sit on. There he sat, curled up the way he would in the window seats of Asgard’s palace. Watching the stars around them.

“A beautiful view you’ve found.”

He didn’t look up to Heimdall’s voice. “I thought even you needed to sleep sometimes.”

“Sometimes, yes,” the former gatekeeper said as he joined Loki on the ledge. “But tonight it eludes us both, as we mourn our losses.”

Loki’s eyes shot over to Heimdall. He was met by exactly what he’d feared: a knowing look, with such sorrow on its edges.

“I was sorry to hear of what you suffered,” Heimdall said.

Loki didn’t quite know how to respond. There was a chance that Thor had said something to his friend, but it was unlikely. He and Loki had kept their affair a secret for so long, it was now a reflex to hide it from others.

Which meant Heimdall had seen into Thor’s quarters the night Loki had told him. Loki hadn’t thought to cast the usual concealment spells around the room that night. Now he was paying for that carelessness.

Come to think of it, he hadn’t hidden them from the Allsight the first night on this ship either, when he and Thor had almost fucked for the first time in six years. So Heimdall may have seen that, too. Lovely.

“How long have you known?” he asked. He might as well find out how long he’d been deluded.

“About you and Thor?” Heimdall asked. “Since the first night on this ship.”

Phew. That was better than the alternative.

“But I suspected for centuries.”

Fuck.

Loki’s brow crawled up his forehead at that. But before he could ask why, Heimdall answered that very question. “Every night you would enter each other’s chambers, I could not see what transpired inside. Which meant you had something to deliberately hide from my sight.”

“That could have been anything,” Loki pointed out.

Heimdall smiled. “Yes. But from the way you both are with one another, it was easy to guess the truth.”

Loki couldn’t easily refute that. He and Thor were almost always at each other’s sides when they were younger. Even if they spent half that time at each other’s throats, the other half was often spent, well… _down_ each other’s throats.

“And you saw no reason to report this to Odin?”

“There was nothing to report,” Heimdall said. “I could not see into your chambers. And I did not look often.”

“No?” Loki bit out. He found that hard to believe, considering all he had done over the years behind Heimdall’s back.

“No,” Heimdall said. “Believe it or not, I am not in the habit of spying on the royal family I serve.”

Loki was about to argue that point, but Heimdall’s next words cut him off: “Nor will I do so tonight.”

Loki was left there with his mouth hanging open, as Heimdall rose to leave. It was only when he was headed back down the corridor that Loki managed to ask, “What will happen tonight?”

Heimdall stopped, and looked back to Loki. “That’s up to you.”

Loki shut his mouth. Heimdall nodded a goodnight, and left.

xxx

Loki didn’t stay long at the window seat after that. He wandered the corridors, traversing the ship’s length and back twice over. 

What did that mean, ‘it was up to him’?

It wasn’t anymore, nor was it up to Thor. Thor needed a sweet little queen who could give him children. Loki was neither sweet, nor able to give him that.

Ever since that Frost Giant had touched his arm that day in Jotunheim, nothing in his life had truly been up to him. Not his identity, not his power, not his body. Not even now, when he was faced with the choice of staying on this ship or leaving. He couldn’t realistically go anywhere without risking Thanos finding him.

Everything terrible about the last few years was because of that madman. He was even preventing Loki from being with his brother the way he wanted.

And oh, how he _wanted._

__

__

As a child, he’d always believed that going to Thor would make everything better. And in truth, he’d never really grown out of that belief. Not even now.

He realized he was standing outside the little broom cupboard he’d commandeered as his own. It was nothing special: a few blankets made into a pallet, some fairy lights magicked into the air. He’d made his peace with its lack of extravagance. After all, he didn’t do anything in there but sleep.

But looking at it now, he realized it was about the same size as that cell had been.

He shuddered. And looked down the hallway. Toward where Thor’s quarters were.

It was probably a bad idea. He was setting him and Thor up for eventual heartbreak. He didn’t even know if he could go through with it tonight.

But he wanted to try. He _wanted._

__

__

He was heading down the hallway before he could talk himself out of it.

xxx

He was silent as he slid the door open, then closed it behind him. The room was dark, but not in total darkness. The stars through the window provided some sparse illumination.

As Loki’s eyes adjusted, he saw Thor asleep in his bed. His chest was bare, and Loki wondered if the rest of him was, as well. Thor usually slept naked when the option was available to him.

He padded over to sit on the edge of the bed. He had planned to shake Thor’s shoulder to wake him up, but he found himself doing something even gentler.

He stroked a hand over the side of Thor’s face. “Thor,” he breathed.

Thor shifted toward the touch, even when asleep. But he soon rumbled awake, both eyelids fluttering open even though only one eyeball appeared. That eye blearily focused. “Loki? What is it?”

Loki swallowed. Last chance to turn back.

He let that chance pass him by, as he pressed his lips to Thor’s.

For a few seconds, he worried that he’d harbored false hopes. But soon, Thor was gently responding to the kiss, just as he always had.

Loki only broke the kiss so he could straddle Thor’s lap. He rejoined their lips when Thor sat up to meet them. Thor’s hands held his face, and that tender touch was enough to make Loki gasp into the kiss.

That’s all they did for a few minutes, though their tongues started weaving together before long. But as they did, Loki began to feel that familiar simmering low in his belly, as his cock started to stir and his cunt started to unfurl.

He ground his hips down into the sensations. The action was met by Thor’s length poking him from under the sheets. Definitely naked, then. Good.

Loki twisted his fingers to vanish his own clothing. Upon realizing that, Thor clutched onto Loki’s back, running his hands up and down the now-exposed flesh. “Loki,” he whispered into Loki’s mouth. “Loki.”

There was so much tenderness and longing in the way he said Loki’s name. Loki bit back his sob at the sound.

He busied himself with moving back just enough to remove the sheets from Thor’s lap. Thor let him. He clutched Loki close when they were both completely bared, moaning softly as skin met skin.

Loki could feel the usual wetness now. His cunt was soaking Thor’s lap. Both their cocks were drooling on each other’s stomachs. He rutted forward for some friction on his cock, and couldn’t help his small moan at how _good_ that felt.

Thor reached down between them, probably intending to take both their cocks in his hand, but Loki grabbed his wrist to stop him. “Not like that,” he whispered.

Thor nodded. He didn’t offer anything further, though. He was letting Loki take the lead with this.

And Loki knew what he needed tonight.

He rose up on his knees, and took a gentle hold of Thor’s cock to line it up with his cunt. He had to take a moment to revel in having Thor’s firm cock throbbing in his hand. He hoped it would feel half as good inside him.

But just before he could sink down and find out, Thor paused him with a hand on his hip. “Wait.”

Loki stilled, panting. “What?”

Thor glanced down to Loki’s genitals, then back up to his face. Some concern was lurking in his too-blue gaze. “This won’t hurt you, will it?” he murmured.

Loki’s heart beat even louder in his chest. His cunt pulsed out another offering of slick.

He shook his head. “You won’t.” 

Some distant longing came to the fore in Thor’s eye. Loki wasn’t quite sure what to name it. 

So instead, he braced himself on Thor’s shoulders, and sank down onto his cock.

Thor probably couldn’t help his quiet _“ah!”_ as Loki’s heat engulfed him. Loki certainly couldn’t help his own whimper. 

He had to stay put once he was fully seated. Thor was generously endowed, and Loki could feel every inch of that endowment, splitting him open as his cunt fluttered to accommodate it all. For a moment, all he could do was focus on breathing as his body scrambled to adjust.

It was perfect. Absolutely perfect.

Thor’s hands started rubbing on his flanks, gentling him through it. Thor was breathing just as hard as he was. He could feel Thor’s heartbeat pounding in his cock, pulsing at such a frantic tempo.

How Thor was able to wait so long for him to move, Loki had no idea. But he was eternally grateful for it.

It may have only been thirty seconds, though it felt like three hundred years. But eventually, Loki was able to rise back up a few inches, and lower back down.

Thor groaned at the sensation. Loki cried out with such a vulnerable moan. He was unprepared for the sharp pleasure that came from having Thor dragging inside him like that. How had he gone so long without this?

He was soon able to work up a steady rhythm, though it was still much slower than he would have liked. Thor probably thought so, too. But it was all Loki could manage right now.

But then Thor’s hands moved up his back. Up, and up. Though his cock was impaling Loki over and over again, his touch was still enough to make Loki shiver.

Thor brought both his hands to hold Loki’s face. Loki looked at him. Pleasure was casting a haze over Thor’s eye, but it just made his gaze that much more intense. His mouth was hanging slightly open as he gasped with Loki’s movements.

His whole attention was fixed on Loki’s face, with so much devotion and yearning and _love_ reflected in it. It overwhelmed Loki even more than the pleasure itself.

Then Thor started to move with him.

Though it was a gentle movement, it punched Loki’s breath out of him with a small _“Oh.”_ But he kept moving with it, meeting each of Thor’s thrusts with his own.

Their lovemaking was not usually this quiet, nor this tender. But tonight, this was what they both needed. Loki drowned himself in the slow dance, as he and Thor twined together and shared breath. Moving together as one being, reunited after six years of anguish and loss tore them apart.

Loki’s orgasm took him by surprise. He’d kissed Thor, then saw Thor looking at him, mouthing his name but unable to get the word out. And Loki was lost.

Thor held him through it, rolling his hips in slow circles as Loki spasmed around him and spilled between them. Loki’s small, high-pitched cries soon tapered off in the darkness.

But Thor wasn’t done. His cock was still so hard inside Loki it must be painful. But he didn’t try to take his own pleasure right away. He just kept holding Loki close, peppering uncoordinated kisses to his jaw.

Loki returned the favor with a blind kiss right above Thor’s mouth. “Go,” he whispered.

Thor did, resuming his slow thrusts into Loki. Loki let himself be moved by them. His own orgasm had left him oversensitive, to the point that this almost hurt. But he needed to feel this. Needed to feel Thor recarving his place inside him.

Thor’s thrusts grew a bit sharper toward the end, and he groaned with each one. Loki knew he was close. He clutched Thor’s head where it was buried in his neck, and clenched around Thor’s cock, trying to milk out his brother’s climax.

It worked. Thor shuddered, and went still in his hold with a low cry, as he spilled deep inside Loki.

Loki gasped.

He felt it.

He could feel the splatters of Thor’s seed inside him.

It was _warm._

__

__

But it was only there for a flash. Then it was gone. Loki might have imagined it. Maybe his memory was filling in the gaps of what it used to feel like.

Thor was groaning into Loki’s neck with his own aftershocks. Loki held him through it, pressing a kiss to his temple.

Tears started to prick Loki's eyes.

He didn’t know where they were coming from at first. There had only been a few times in his life when he’d cried after sex. Yes, they had all been with Thor, because of _course_ they were.

But those moments had come from a heady mixture of pleasure and deep shame about that pleasure. Because he’d received it from his brother, which at the time was an idea with which he’d still been trying to reconcile.

Whereas now, there was no shame in this at all. There was everything else. 

There was the immense relief that they’d finally shared this after so long without. There was the grief of their losses that had driven them apart in the first place. There was the opening of the pressure valve on Loki’s emotions, from handling that grief on his own for so long.

But now, he could finally grieve with the one person who mattered. With Odin’s other son, with Frigga’s other son. 

With his daughter’s father.

With his brother. With the love of his life. With Thor.

Thor sniffed. Loki reached to Thor’s chin to tilt his head up. Thor blinked at him through his own tears, as much of a mess as Loki was right now.

Loki kissed him. Thor cradled the side of Loki’s head as he kissed back. He tasted salty from their combined tears. Loki didn’t care.

Even when they broke apart, they just breathed together. Holding each other close. Together at last, the way they’d always wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because even though sex during grieving is not often that realistic, I still adore the Magical Healing Cock trope more than I probably should :)


	12. Healthier and Happier

“Are you alright?”

Loki broke from his reverie to focus on Bruce Banner’s words. “What?”

Banner looked like he was about to dart away from him. The man usually looked quite pathetic, but even more so when he was unsure. Especially wearing Tony Stark’s clothes. “You just…you’ve been a lot more… _smiley_ lately.”

“And that means I’m not alright?”

“Either that, or it means we might not be,” Banner said. “Just…the last time you were this happy, you were trying to take over my planet.”

Loki smirked. Of course, Banner wouldn’t know that Loki had been anything but happy during his bid for power over Midgard. But Loki wasn’t going to let on about that. Besides, it was much more fun to string this little mortal along, provided he didn’t piss him off.

So, he put his feet up on the array of instruments he’d been sitting in front of on the ship’s bridge. “You’d rather I was irritable or dissatisfied?”

Banner’s eyes widened comically. “No no no, I think that’d be worse. Well…I don’t know what would be worse. Just…” He drew his palms close together in a narrowing motion. “Maybe stay more toward the middle, okay? Y’know, neutral.”

Loki gave a single laugh. “Forgive me if I don’t think it wise to take advice on emotional regulation from a man such as yourself.”

“Hey!” Banner said, stepping forward. “You wanna try insulting me? See how far that gets you before we go for Stark Tower 2.0.”

Loki scoffed, even as he stiffened at the reminder. The only reason that beating hadn’t knocked loose half his uterus was because it was nearly all gone by that time.

Still, he found his smile quickly returning to him. It had been doing that the last several weeks. 

Banner was just staring at him. “You’re doing it again.”

Loki just hummed in acknowledgement. His thoughts were drifting far away.

It made Banner shift uncomfortably. “What are you even happy about, anyway?”

That recaptured Loki’s attention. He arched a brow at Banner. For a second, he considered telling him the truth: _I’m imagining my brother’s fat cock splitting me open, like it’s been doing the last few weeks._

__

__

But, while Thor was convinced there would be no consequences from their citizens if they knew the truth, Loki wasn’t so sure. Besides, he could still pull an amusing reaction from Banner if he kept his answer vague.

So, he settled for giving the man a sly grin and saying, “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

Sure enough, Banner looked horrified. Norns only knew what complicated scheme to destroy them all he thought Loki was cooking up.

But before he could express his concern, a familiar voice rumbled from across the room. “I didn’t know you two were on speaking terms.”

Loki’s cock twitched at the sound. He grinned wider.

Banner turned to Thor, and pointed an accusing finger at Loki. “I’m about ninety-nine percent sure he’s plotting something.”

“Plotting?” Thor asked, as he made his way toward the two of them. “Brother, I thought you weren’t going to do that anymore.”

“I’m not,” Loki said. “Your friend just thinks I am.”

Thor pushed at Loki’s feet, nudging them off the navigation instruments. Loki shot him a spiteful grin.

“I mean…” Banner said, “he didn’t exactly say it, but…” He gestured toward Loki’s smirking face. “Look at him! When has he ever been happy about something that didn’t involve stabbing people?”

Thor tilted his head in consideration of that point. But Loki could see the amusement lurking in Thor’s eye. He knew _exactly_ what was making Loki so upbeat of late.

“You have a point,” Thor said to the mortal. “A grin like that on Loki’s face is not to be trusted.”

Though it was meant to be part of the facade, Loki couldn’t help his eye roll. So what if he tended to backstab his way into positions of power whenever he wanted? He had the right to smile if he felt like it!

Still, he let Thor manhandle him out of his chair. “I think you and I had better have a talk, Brother,” Thor growled. Loki put up a show of huffing in reply, and let Thor drag him away.

As he did so, he gave Banner a menacing grin. Just to keep him on his toes.

He could hardly resist giggling the rest of the way to his and Thor’s quarters. By the time the door sealed them inside their bedroom, he was flat-out belly-laughing.

Thor interrupted his laughing to kiss him. Loki allowed it, though he still giggled into Thor’s mouth.

“Why do you feel the need to antagonize everyone you meet?” Thor asked him between kisses.

Loki hummed his next chuckle as Thor started walking him backward toward the bed. After another kiss, he replied, “Because it’s fun.”

“But Banner?” Thor asked him. “You really think it’s wise to get on his bad side?”

Loki reclined back onto the bed he’d felt behind his knees. A twist of his hand was all it took to vanish their clothes. “He didn’t turn into the Hulk, did he? It was fine.”

Thor gave a long-suffering sigh, even as he leaned down to shove his tongue down Loki’s throat. “You’re far too reckless, Brother,” he murmured between kisses.

“Oh?” Loki said. “And who could I have gotten that from?”

Thor chuckled. But as he did, he suddenly withdrew from Loki’s lips. Loki was about to complain, but Thor’s purpose was made clear soon enough, as he flipped Loki over quick as blinking, manhandling him onto his hands and knees.

If Loki’s cunt was wet before, it was positively _drenched_ now. He couldn’t help his wanton trembling in the anticipation of what Thor would give him next. Sweet, playful, rough, teasing—he didn’t care. He wanted it all, and even more after that.

He felt a dip in the mattress as Thor knelt behind him. Then there were calloused palms on his back, rubbing up and down in easy strokes. Gentle, then. Loki could roll with that.

Thor leaned over his back. Loki could feel his brother’s hardened cock against the back of his thigh. Oh, _yes._

__

__

“We don’t need holes smashed into the floor of this ship,” Thor chided into his ear. “Loki-shaped or otherwise.”

Though Thor was being more dominant, Loki could hear the undercurrent of desperation in his voice, how it shook with the force of his desire. It made Loki grin, even as he shivered.

Not that his own voice was doing that much better as he retorted, “Why don’t you tell that to your friend?”

He gasped as Thor smacked his right ass cheek.

“Banner’s not the one who will start something,” Thor uttered into Loki’s ear. “ _You_ , on the other hand…”

He swatted the left cheek this time. Loki whined.

But Thor’s next touch was back to gentleness again, as he rubbed both cheeks to soothe the sting away. “Was that too much?”

It took Loki a second to realize what Thor was asking. He was almost insulted. Why would getting spanked twice be too much for him? It was still quite vanilla by their standards, and even the more risky practices they’d experimented with throughout the years couldn’t be counted in the realm of physical torture.

He glanced over his shoulder to Thor’s concerned gaze. “You stop now,” Loki growled, “and I’ll cut your balls off and wear them around my neck as a trophy.”

Thor was already grinning halfway through Loki’s threat. By the time Loki had finished, he had brought his hand back down onto Loki’s ass. Loki groaned with delight.

Thor didn’t let up. It took a good twenty or so smacks before he stopped. By that time, Loki had lowered onto his elbows, and was moaning and drooling into the sheets, delirious with the endorphin high.

And though he welcomed the soothing motions of Thor rubbing his reddened flesh afterward, Loki didn’t want a break. He pushed back on Thor’s hands. “More,” he pleaded, “more, damn you, give me, I want—”

Thor grabbed Loki’s hips, and yanked him back onto his cock. Loki howled out his rapture. “Yes, yes, yes!”

Thor hardly paused to groan his relief before he was pounding into Loki’s cunt at a frantic pace. The slapping sounds of skin on skin echoed around the room. Each fuck inside him punched another moan out of Loki. 

He’d missed this so much. The passion, the frenetic pitch of their desire, the animalistic way Thor could express his devotion. It spoke of a deeper and more unyielding love than the most lavish gift or most saccharine poetry ever could.

And yes, having a large cock that could split him in two helped. But when that large cock belonged to the brother who knew him best, whom he would love for the rest of time? There was nothing better.

Eventually, Thor hauled him up from his elbows, pulling him into an upright kneeling position with his back flush against Thor’s chest. Thor was moaning just as loudly as Loki as he hurtled them both toward their peaks. Loki clutched a hand over Thor’s on his chest, and the other dug into the meat of Thor’s ass, spurring him on.

Loki didn’t bother touching himself; he knew he’d come from the fucking alone. But he didn’t want to hurry it along. He staved it off as long as he could, while clenching around Thor’s cock with each thrust inside him. He still needed to see if…

Thor’s thrusts became more erratic, and thus even more jarring inside Loki. Loki welcomed it all. Almost there, almost—

There it was. Thor yelled into Loki’s shoulder as he came in violent spurts. He pushed _hard_ into Loki’s cunt as he did, which would have hurt if it weren’t so goddamn perfect.

Loki closed his eyes as he felt it. The unmistakable rush of warm semen inside him. With it came a different kind of euphoria, one that had him moaning brokenly into the room. In the end, that was what made him come untouched onto the sheets, as he went taut in Thor’s hold and shivered through it with hoarse cries.

They were both panting as they came down from it. Loki realized belatedly that he might have drawn blood from where he’d clawed into Thor’s ass. Well, now they’d both have trouble sitting down. At least they were equal in their debauchery.

Thor was careful as he pulled out. As he did, a trickle of his come slid down Loki’s thigh. Loki didn’t know if he preferred being marked with it everywhere, or if he wanted to keep it all inside him.

Either way, he slumped onto the pillows as soon as Thor stopped holding him up. Thor followed, collapsing next to him. He still held Loki close with an arm around his waist as they caught their breaths.

Loki was the one to stir first. He looked over to Thor’s blissed-out face and said, “You’re becoming downright mischievous.”

He could tell Thor’s eye was only now coming back into focus. When it did, Thor gave him a lazy grin. “Now, who could I have gotten that from?” Loki weakly chuckled with him in response.

They lay there together for a few minutes more, neither of them moving except to absently caress each other. Loki let himself drift. He hadn’t felt this happy in a long, long time.

Thor stirred after a while. He rolled Loki more on his side, and used a corner of the sheets to start cleaning off their drying come. Loki sighed at the gentle treatment. 

But no matter how gentle it was, he still hissed with oversensitivity when Thor started cleaning between his labia. “Sorry,” Thor murmured. He settled for cleaning the remains of slick and spend from the outside of Loki’s vulva, and left it at that. Loki assumed Thor would clean the rest of it later.

And knowing Thor, he’d probably do it with his tongue. Loki smiled at the thought.

“Banner’s right, you know.”

Loki looked up to Thor at the comment, watching as his brother settled back down onto the pillows. Thor was looking at him with a curious expression. “You _have_ been abnormally happy the last few weeks.”

Loki raised an eyebrow at him. “Well, I have been getting at least three good orgasms a day.”

“I gave you three good orgasms a day for centuries,” Thor pointed out. “And you were still a moody prick half the time.”

Loki opened his mouth to protest, but no words came out. Because Thor was right about that.

“And it’s not just that,” Thor said. “You’ve been almost bouncing off the walls. You have more energy, more of an appetite.” He gave Loki a lopsided grin. “Not that I’m complaining, because I want you to be happy. It’s just…different.”

Loki shrugged. “It’s been a long time, I suppose. My cunt hasn’t been properly fucked in six years.”

Thor stiffened. It took a second for Loki to realize why, and it made him regret his last comment.

Yes, his cunt had been fucked in the last six years. But with the Outriders, and even with the Grandmaster, none of it was entirely his choice. Perhaps instead of saying 'properly' fucked, a better qualifier was 'consensually.'

“That’s another thing,” Thor said softly.

Loki braced himself. It still wasn’t completely comfortable for either of them to talk about. Loki would rather avoid the subject altogether. It had happened, and it was over. That was that.

But Thor went somewhere else entirely, which caught Loki off-guard: “It doesn’t always have to be you getting fucked.”

Loki shot him a quizzical look. Thor clarified: “Since we’ve started this again, I’ve always been the one to fuck you. I just want you to know that I’m willing to do more than that, if you want. You can use my mouth, or you can have my ass—”

“No!”

Thor was struck dumb by the vehemence in Loki’s tone. Loki was surprised by it himself.

“No,” he said again, softer this time. “I’m perfectly happy with our current activities.”

“It’s just been one activity.”

Loki rolled his eyes. “I _know_ that. Weren’t you the one who said penetrating a cunt is something special?”

Thor scoffed. “I was mostly bullshitting you that night, to get what I wanted.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Loki asked, raising an eyebrow. But he grinned at Thor, who grinned back, as they each remembered Thor’s arrogance and foolhardiness in those days.

Loki shrugged again. “But you might have been onto something. It does have a certain…appeal.”

Yes, a certain appeal. Such as relieving chronic pain he didn’t realize he still had. Such as reviving nerve endings which he thought had been destroyed.

Thor reached to pull him closer. “Okay,” he said, “if you’re sure.” He pressed a kiss to Loki’s forehead, then met his eyes. “But if you ever want to come inside your brother’s ass, you let me know.”

Loki laughed. “Will do.”

But he knew he wouldn’t want to. He was addicted to the feeling of Thor’s semen pulsing against his insides, how warm it was as it ran down his leg. Even pushing his cock into Thor’s warm body couldn’t compare.

xxx

And so it went for the next several weeks. Loki kept getting fucked by Thor, and always in his cunt. Every night, most mornings, and even some afternoons, they’d seal themselves in their quarters, losing themselves in each other’s flesh.

As the weeks went on, Loki felt stronger and healthier than he’d ever been. He had a spring in his step. He smiled more. His usual sparse appetite approached what was considered ‘normal.’ He slept more soundly through the night, curled up in Thor’s arms.

Thor even joked that Loki’s hair looked healthier. “It’s shinier!” he’d said one morning, as Loki magicked it dry after their (shared) shower. “It looks like the Lake of Mimir did in the late afternoon sun.”

“If you think flattery will get you another quick fuck, think again,” Loki shot back. “I _just_ showered, and we only get one of those a day.”

Thor chuckled. “I’m not just flattering you.” He tucked a lock behind Loki’s ear. “It looks good, that’s all.”

He did get another quick fuck that morning. Loki had semen staining his thighs for the rest of the day. He could have cleaned it off with magic. But he didn’t.

Yes, he was healthier, in every way. And more than that, he was _happier_. Which was throwing off everyone around him.

Banner kept looking at him with confusion. So did the Valkyrie. She cornered him one day near the medical bay. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you,” she intoned an inch from his face, “but if you’re planning to make anyone’s life a living hell anytime soon—”

“Nothing’s gotten into me,” Loki lied smoothly. _Nothing except my brother._ “I’m simply adjusting well to life on this ship.”

She looked him up and down, trying to pinpoint his subterfuge. When she couldn’t, she sighed and said, “Maybe. But you’re just acting weird. So don’t get any weirder, or try anything. Unless you want to answer to me.”

Loki fought hard against the urge to roll his eyes. She would probably break his nose if he did. “Understood.”

She raised her eyebrows at him in a challenge, and let him be.

That night, he told Thor about it. Thor laughed and said, “And I thought it was strange that Heimdall keeps smiling at us.”

“Oh, I didn’t tell you?” Loki panted, gasping as Thor gave a particularly hard thrust inside him. “Heimdall knows about us.”

Thor stopped fucking. “What?”

“I forgot to use my concealment spells the first night on the ship. He absolutely saw us about to fuck.”

_“Why didn’t you tell me this?”_

__

__

He almost pulled out, but Loki snapped his legs even tighter around Thor’s hips, trapping him inside. “I…forgot?” Thor scoffed at him. “Well, he wasn’t even upset about it! I don’t think he disapproves. He said he suspected for centuries, after all, and never did anything to put a stop to it.”

Thor was shaking his head with an incredulous laugh. “You amaze me, Brother, with what you think is worth telling me.”

“Just as you amaze me, _Brother_ ,” Loki retorted, “with how you think now is a good time for talking, instead of fucking.”

Thor grinned. He was so beautiful that Loki nearly came right then at the sight.

Thor didn’t say anything further after that. He leaned in to kiss Loki, and started rolling his hips again. Loki sighed into it.

When they both came, Loki lost consciousness. 

When he came to, Thor assured him it was only for a few seconds. He cuddled Loki close, pressing kisses to his brow. Loki let the warmth in his limbs and heart tow him under, and fell asleep.


	13. Plague

Three months into their journey to Earth, they stopped to resupply at a trading post on a small, gray planet. It was dusty, windy, and desolate. Loki hated it.

But, they were only going to stay for two days, to trade for fresh supplies and to stretch their legs. The children were happy to play in the dunes on the outskirts of town. Even the adults were relieved to have fresh air, and scenery that wasn’t the empty void of space.

They’d scrounged together enough valuables salvaged from Asgard worth five hundred thousand units. Loki’s silver tongue managed to sell them for seven. But that still wasn’t enough; the supplies they could buy with seven hundred thousand units wouldn’t last until the next stop they’d planned. They would have to adjust course in the coming days.

After the two days were up, everyone boarded the ship with a heavy heart. Rations were even more limited to last till the nearest inhabited planet. Still, the Asgardian people were a resilient, hardy bunch. They mustered smiles for each other, even in these leaner times.

That is, until some of the children started getting sick.

What started as a few runny noses and sparse coughing turned into fevers, chills, and vomiting within three days. The healers did all they could, but they’d skimped on medical supplies at the trading post in favor of more fuel. All they could do was hold the children close, and tell them it would pass.

But then some of the adults started to fall ill. They also got fevers and vomiting, but a few started breaking out in red, itchy splotches on their faces and necks. One older woman even started growing lumps in her abdomen. If they hadn’t built a modified soul forge in the medical bay to detect it early, the poor woman might not have made it.

Though no one had died, almost a quarter of their citizenry was bedridden within two weeks. Thor decided to quarantine anyone who showed signs of illness to one end of the ship.

Loki snuck in to tend to the afflicted several times before Thor caught him. “They’re in quarantine for a reason,” Thor told him, grabbing his arm to stop him entering the infected ward. “There’s nothing more we can do for them, anyway, besides give them food and wait for it to pass.”

“Banner and Korg are helping,” Loki pointed out.

“Yes,” Thor said, “because one’s a human, and one’s a Kronan. And only Asgardians have gotten—”

He cut himself off, as he realized what he was saying.

Loki raised his eyebrows, as if to say, _You forgot about that, didn’t you?_

Still, Thor sighed. “I don’t like it, Loki. Frost Giants are more similar to Asgardians than they look. You could still get sick, and it could be even worse—”

“Who are you, my wife?” Loki snapped at him. “Stop nagging me. I’ve been helping for the last week, and haven’t caught anything. I’ll be _fine._ ”

With that, he yanked his arm out of Thor’s hold, and went to feed some children more broth.

xxx

The next morning, Loki was hunched over the toilet bowl, puking his guts out.

He’d tried to be quiet so Thor wouldn’t hear. But it was hard to control the volume of an involuntary reaction. Soon enough, he felt a warm hand on his back.

He heaved again. Thor held his hair back as he suffered through it. It was still another thirty seconds before it stopped.

Loki coughed when it was done. “Can you—” More coughing. “Can you get me some water?”

Thor obliged without a word. Loki drank some, and used the rest to rinse his mouth out. Some of the vomit was still in his nose, so he blew it clear as best he could on some toilet paper.

After he’d flushed it all down the toilet, Thor quietly spoke. “You need to go to the med bay.”

“No,” Loki rasped, “I’m fine.”

“You just threw up last night’s dinner!”

“I don’t have a fever, or chills, or a cough.”

Thor put a palm to Loki’s forehead. Then he used the back of his hand. He frowned. “You’ve always run cold. I can’t tell what’s normal for you.”

“Well I can,” Loki ground out. “And I’m telling you, _I’m fine._ ”

_“Loki.”_

Loki heaved out a measured breath as he scowled at Thor. But there wasn’t any smug _I-told-you-so_ hiding in Thor’s gaze. There was just worry.

Loki looked down, considering. “If it happens again,” he said quietly, “I’ll go to the med bay.”

Thor didn’t say anything. He just squeezed Loki’s hand. He knew it was a large concession on Loki’s part to agree even partway. 

xxx

Over the next three days, Loki stole away to throw up no less than eleven times. The twelfth time, Thor caught him. 

Once he’d helped Loki rinse out his mouth and blow his nose, he’d hauled him to his feet. “Med bay. _Now._ ” Still lightheaded from the sheer force of the vomiting, Loki couldn’t do anything but comply.

The young woman who counted as the head healer looked exhausted. Her face fell even further when she saw who her next patient was. “I had hoped the royal family would not be affected by this,” she lamented.

“So did we,” said Thor. He guided Loki to sit on the metal examination table, where he was subjected to the usual tests. 

But each one puzzled the healer even further. Loki had a slightly elevated temperature for a Frost Giant, but no fever. He had no dizziness, no fatigue, no swollen lymph nodes. Everything seemed normal, except for the vomiting.

When she directed Loki to lie back on the table, Loki started getting nervous. “What for?”

“For an internal scan. We’ve been checking everyone for cysts after Nali came down with them.”

An internal scan. Oh, Norns. “I don’t see why that’s necessary, I’ve only been vomiting—”

“It’s just a precaution, my prince—”

“Loki, let her do it—”

_“I don’t see the point—”_

Thor grabbed his shoulder as he tried to sit back up. He glared at Thor, only to be met with that soft concern in his brother’s face.

Thor’s hand started rubbing his shoulder. “It’s alright,” he said, “I don’t mind seeing it.”

The healer, meanwhile, was looking back and forth between the two men, clearly unsure as to their meaning. Well, it would become clear soon enough.

Loki looked away from both of them, down at the polished metallic floor. “I want you to leave, Thor.”

“Loki, it’s fine.”

“That’s not for you to say.” Loki still didn’t meet Thor’s eyes. “If you want me to get the scan, you have to leave.”

He heard Thor blow out a long sigh. But then he felt Thor squeeze his shoulder. “Okay,” he murmured. Loki heard his slow footsteps carry him toward the door.

Only when he heard that door close did he let his held breath out. “Go on,” he said to the healer.

She nodded, and started operating the soul forge.

Loki had been checked over by such a machine enough times in his youth to be familiar with it. His whole body tingled as his essence was imaged above him. Then, each part of his body would vibrate more intensely as the healer imaged it in more detail. 

She started at his head, and went down from there. Since the images were above him, staring at the ceiling wasn’t an option. So, Loki looked to the side, to stare at the room’s far corner.

The dread started mounting once she started on his chest. He knew his abdominal cavity was next. He couldn’t help tensing to prepare himself.

“Please try to relax, Your Highness,” the healer said.

Loki huffed, and tried his best. But once his belly started tingling more, he tensed all over again. Especially when it went down to his lower abdomen.

“Oh, Norns.”

The healer’s voice was soft. Loki closed his eyes. 

“Did you know of this, my prince?”

Loki let out a joyless chuckle. “Well, I was there when it happened, wasn’t I?”

A pause. Then, “I suppose. And this would explain your nausea and slight temperature increase.”

Hm. Loki wasn’t so sure about that. If his remaining uterine tissue had given him an infection, it would have done so years ago. It didn’t make sense that it would happen now.

“Have you been making the necessary changes to your diet?”

Okay, Loki was seriously beginning to doubt this woman’s know-how as a healer. “And what changes would those be? More nutrients aren’t going to grow my uterus back.”

There was a longer pause this time, before she said, “What do you mean, ‘grow it back’?”

What? Could this woman not operate a soul forge? 

Maybe there wasn’t anything left of his womb at all, and she didn’t know he used to have one. “I’m assuming you know I was born with both sets of sex organs? I’m supposed to have a womb, but as you can see, it’s not all there anymore.”

“Your Highness, what are you talking about?”

He sighed in exasperation, and looked over to her. He made sure to do so quickly, so he could avoid looking at the image above him. “Can you not see where my vaginal canal leads? Or at least, where it once led?”

She reeled back a bit, though she looked more amused in her confusion now. “Perhaps you should look at what I’m seeing, my prince.”

He rolled his eyes. It wasn’t his job to show her how to do hers. But, if it would get this over with, he would have to.

He looked. And squinted.

There weren’t any blackened bits, no pieces hanging lifeless near his pelvis. Nor was there any scar tissue. If he hadn’t seen the remains falling out of him years ago, he would have thought his abdomen in perfect condition.

She must not be showing him the right cross-section. “Why did you move the scan detail?” he asked.

“I didn’t,” she said. She pointed at the image floating above him. “That is your uterus. And not any pieces of it, mind you. Your _whole_ uterus.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Loki said. “Such a thing is not—”

But as he looked at it, he realized she was right.

There was his uterus. The cervix, the body, the fallopian tubes, the ovaries…

All of it. Undamaged. Whole. Just as she’d said.

He put a hand to his abdomen, and gave it some pressure. Sure enough, the image above him flexed slightly as he pressed on the organ.

“That…” he stammered, suddenly feeling quite lightheaded, “…that should not be possible.”

She smiled. “Do you see what else is there, Your Highness?”

He blinked at her. She returned her attention to the soul forge, zooming in slightly. He could feel the tingle in his belly grow even more pronounced.

“There,” she said, pointing at a spot within his womb. “Do you see?”

He propped himself up slightly on his elbows to get a closer look. Perhaps there was some evidence of the previous damage that could explain his womb’s sudden reappearance.

But once he saw what she was pointing at, his mouth fell open.

“Congratulations, my prince,” the healer said with a smile.

What had she said? _Congratulations?_

Her next words were a blur, something about “eight weeks or so” and “healthy placenta,” but she might as well have been speaking to him from the other side of the ship. His mind couldn’t hold onto anything but the image in front of him, trying to understand it.

Abruptly, it disappeared. He sat up, trying to see where it went, but dots swam into his vision as he went up too quickly. He had to lie back down again.

“Deep breaths, my prince,” the healer said. “I imagine it’s a bit of a shock.”

She headed toward one of the cabinets on the walls. Loki just breathed. Once he felt enough blood return to his head, he levered back up. Slowly.

As he did, the healer returned to his side, proffering a few paper pouches. “I know there’s not much variety in our food stores at the moment, but we do have these supplement packs for the first trimester. Sprinkle them in your food at each meal. I’m told they should be tasteless.”

He grabbed them with a nod. Both the action and the gesture felt automatic.

“I’ll see you in four more weeks for another scan?” she asked.

Again, another nod. He was on autopilot now. Everything else was happening in a fog.

As he stood from the table and started to walk to the door, the woman called out to him, “My prince?”

He stopped.

“I wish you and the king the very best.”

Not enough of his brain was working in the conscious realm to understand her meaning. But enough of it was to keep him from acknowledging the truth.

He didn’t say a word. He just continued on his way out the door, nutrient packs clutched tightly in his hand.


	14. Sharing the News

Of course, he’d forgotten that he’d sent Thor out of the room only moments ago. Even worse, he’d sent his brother out while he was _concerned_. Which meant that he’d been standing in the hallway right outside the door like a hopeful puppy.

He should have pissed Thor off, so he would’ve gone somewhere to sulk. At least that would have given Loki time alone to process what had just happened. 

But instead, as soon as the door opened, Thor looked up and crowded Loki. “Is everything alright?” he asked.

Loki just looked at him. Blinked once, twice. 

Thor looked down at what he held in his hands. “What are those?”

He tried to grab one of the packs, but Loki snatched them away, clutching them against his chest.

Thor frowned. “Ooo…kay.” He paused, probably bracing for a snide remark from Loki. But Loki had none to offer.

Thor peered closer at Loki. “Did she find out what’s been making you ill?”

Loki swallowed. Yes, she had indeed. And it wasn’t an illness.

Somehow he found his voice, though it shook as he said, “We need to talk.”

Thor tensed. “What about?”

“Something _private_.”

Thor just tensed even further at that. Perhaps anticipating an unpleasant conversation.

But Loki couldn’t bring himself to care about how he was being perceived right now. He just started walking in the direction of their quarters. If Thor didn’t follow him, it would at least give him time to think. 

But soon enough, he heard Thor’s footsteps behind him. Apparently, this was happening now.

xxx

As soon as Thor shut the door to seal them in their quarters, he sighed and said, “Alright, what is it?”

Loki didn’t say anything. He focused on going to their dresser, and finding a drawer with enough space to stow the nutrient packs. His brain was in a haze, to block out all the emotions threatening to overwhelm him. Putting up his usual walls was all he could do to keep them at bay.

Was he stalling? Maybe. But if anyone had advice about how to tell one’s brother that one is carrying his child, after both parties thinking that an impossibility, Loki was all ears.

Apparently not satisfied with this silent treatment, Thor spoke again. “Loki, what happened?”

The question was much softer this time. It made something tender in Loki’s heart squirm toward the sound. 

Sentiment. Weakness. Distraction. A reaction only made more intense by his _hormones._

__

__

There was a hand on his shoulder then. A surge of adrenaline shot through Loki, making his walls waver. It took all he had to bury the impulse to draw his daggers.

But instead, he made the mistake of looking at Thor. At the concern worn on that handsome face. At that eye so blue it shouldn’t be possible.

Would their child have eyes like that?

Loki looked away. Shrugged out of Thor’s touch. Walked across the room. He couldn’t do this!

“Loki,” Thor growled. His patience was clearly fraying. “You said we need to talk. So why won’t you talk to m—”

“Do you remember what I told you about the Grandmaster?”

Loki didn’t know why he’d started with that. But it finally made Thor pause, if only for a few seconds. “You said you let him fuck you to gain his favor.”

Loki decided to ignore the tone Thor said that with. It seemed his brother was still a tad jealous of that lunatic. “Yes. And did I tell you what it felt like when he spilled inside my cunt?”

Though he wasn’t looking at him, he could practically hear Thor rolling his eye. “No, you didn’t tell me, and why would you even bring that—”

“I didn’t feel anything.”

That shut Thor up again. So Loki continued. “I didn’t feel pain, the way I thought I would after the Outriders. And I didn’t feel pleasure. There was no sensation whatsoever. The monsters’ seed probably burned away all those nerve endings.”

More quiet. Then, “Loki, why are you even telling me this?”

Loki sighed. “I’m trying to tell you why, you idiot.”

“Well then, get to the point, because I don’t want to hear about how some other man fucked you!”

_“I’m trying to.”_

__

__

He dared to look at Thor. Thor seemed to realize how much of an asshole he was being, as remorse bloomed on his face. “I’m sorry,” he said sheepishly. “I imagine it must be difficult to talk about.”

“No shit,” Loki muttered.

Thor levered off the dresser then, heading over to Loki. Loki tensed. But Thor went to sit on the bed a few feet away. “You were saying, about the Grandmaster?”

Loki scoffed as he looked up at the ceiling. “I was saying I couldn’t feel his seed inside me.” He paused, chewing his lip. “But I could feel yours.”

Thor’s eyebrows shot up. “What?”

“It was only for a second,” Loki said, “on that first night. Then it was gone. But every time since then, I’ve felt it more and more. Now it’s just like it was the night before your coronation.”

“Really?”

Loki nodded. “And it’s not just that. Every time you do it, I feel like…a weight has been lifted from me. Like some long-held pain was suddenly soothed. Actually, that’s exactly what it is. I didn’t realize it was still hurting me because I had gone so long without relief. I got used to it. Until it was gone.”

Thor’s eye listed to the side, as if the explanation was sitting across the room. “Okay, so…what does that mean?”

Loki let out a long breath. He’d been wondering the same thing for the last few months, and knowing its end result now, his wildest theory was now the only plausible one. “This is going to sound mad.”

He walked toward Thor, stopping a foot in front of him. He tapped his hands on his thighs as he thought on how to go about this. He settled on, “When you were on Earth, did you ever look into what the mortals wrote about you in their mythologies?”

Thor grinned. “A little. There were some quite amusing stories about the two of us.”

“Yes, but did you ever read what they worshipped you as?”

Thor’s brow creased. “What do you mean? I was the god of thunder and lightning, just as I am to them today.”

“Yes, but what else?”

Thor could come up with nothing but a shrug. Which meant Loki would have to explain it. “Well, I looked into it.”

“When you were trying to take over the Earth?”

“Yes, when I was trying to take over the Earth!” Loki snapped. “Does that even matter right now?” 

Thor held up his hands in concession of that point. So Loki continued. “The point is, you were not just a god of thunder and lighting to them, you were—”

Loki cut himself off. This was fucking _insane_ , to think this was the reason for the changes in his body. But what other explanation could there be?

“You were a god of fruitfulness,” he said quietly. “Of fertility. In the region we were worshipped, people would sacrifice to you for plentiful harvests. At their marriage ceremonies, they would place replicas of Mjolnir in the bride’s lap, to consecrate her womb so it might give her many children.”

Thor was looking at him thoughtfully as he took in this information. But he also looked totally lost as to Loki’s point.

“When I read of this,” Loki continued, “I thought it was a symbolic belief. Your storms watered the fields, bringing life to their crops. It could also double as a metaphor of seed fertilizing a womb to create life. Mjolnir was quite the phallic symbol, after all.”

Thor smiled sadly at that. But Loki didn’t have the mental wherewithal to acknowledge the loss of his brother’s precious hammer. Not now.

Instead, he quietly said, “But I think they might have been right. I think…I think you have been…healing me.”

“Healing you?”

Loki nodded. He closed his eyes, and as quickly as possible, he murmured, “I think your seed has been healing my womb.”

Thor did laugh, in disbelief. “Wait, what do you mean?”

“It makes sense, doesn’t it?” Loki asked, looking at Thor again. Trying to make him understand. “It’s why I’ve had so much more energy. Why my strength has returned, why even my hair is shining more. Why my nerve endings in my cunt have been regenerating, while my chronic pain has been eliminated.”

Thor opened his mouth to say something, but stopped. Closed it again. He looked down in thought.

When he looked back up, the puzzle pieces must have clicked into place. He looked startled. “So…I’ve been healing you, by coming inside you?”

“By coming inside my cunt,” Loki clarified. “I don’t think it works anywhere else. Not in the same way, at least.”

A slow grin spread over Thor’s face. “Is that why you’ve been passing out after sex?”

Loki flushed scarlet. “That’s not—”

Wait. Shit, it probably was. For four hundred years, Thor had come on his skin, inside his mouth, and deep in his ass. It had been mind-blowing, but he’d never passed out until…

…Until the night before the coronation. The first time Thor had come inside his cunt, when there was nothing inside him that needed Thor’s healing powers. Those powers had overwhelmed his neurons instead. And several months ago, he’d started passing out again. 

No, wait. Not several months ago. Two months ago.

_Exactly eight weeks ago._

__

__

Loki realized too late that his mouth was hanging open. He stared at Thor, who was grinning at him in triumph of his realization. 

“Shit,” Loki murmured.

Still grinning like a fool, Thor rose, and brought his hands to Loki’s shoulders in a gentle grip. He was looking down, Loki realized. Down at where his womb lay hidden.

“Did the soul forge show you this?” Thor asked softly. “That your womb has been healing?”

With his mouth dry and his head spinning with all these revelations, Loki nodded. “Not just healing,” he said. “Healed. Completely. Like nothing ever happened to it.”

Thor laughed again, but this time it was from such unadulterated joy that Loki couldn’t help grinning in response. Especially when Thor crushed him in a hearty embrace.

“I’m so glad I could give you this,” Thor said. “I mean, I didn’t know I was doing it, but nonetheless, I’m so, _so_ glad I could help your body to heal.”

Though Loki could hardly breathe from the force of Thor’s hug, he somehow managed to wrap his arms around Thor in return. Silently thanking him for this gift.

Thor chuckled into Loki’s ear. “So I have a magic healing cock, do I?”

Some of Loki’s joy withered into irritation. “No, you have magic healing _semen_. So be careful how you use it.”

Thor hummed another laugh. “Don’t worry, Brother. I intend to only give it to you.” Loki couldn’t help preening inside at such a promise. 

But, he knew there was one piece of this he still had to tell Thor. His stomach knotted as he thought of it. 

Some part of him berated himself for being so nervous, but a larger part of him knew why he was in such a state. It was such a vulnerable moment in someone’s life, to tell their partner this sort of news. Regardless of how likely a positive reaction was, it still didn’t negate the weight of it.

Still, there wasn’t any avoiding this. So, still wrapped in Thor’s embrace, he murmured in his brother’s ear, “That’s not all the soul forge showed me.”

“Oh?” Thor murmured back, still full of such mirth. “What else did it show you?”

Loki’s mouth twisted, though Thor couldn’t see. “Now that my womb has fully healed, it’s functioning the way it’s supposed to.”

“That’s good,” Thor said. His hands started rubbing Loki’s back.

“And now there’s something growing inside it.”

The hands stopped.

Thor was frozen in place for all of five seconds. When he moved, it was to slowly relax his hold on Loki, drawing back enough to look him in the eye. The usually-golden Thor had gone pale, his eye glassy in its socket, as he comprehended what Loki was telling him.

“Can…can you…” Thor stammered, “…can you tell me _exactly_ what you mean?”

Yes. Clarity was needed here, lest Thor overreact to something that wasn’t real. Loki understood that.

But he was still terrified to actually say it. Somehow that made it even more real.

And yet, after a good ten seconds of his mind staying stuck in his fear, some deep part of him that was braver than the rest spoke up:

“I’m pregnant.”

And just like that, their world was changed.

Thor took in a deep breath through his nostrils. A hand clasped over his mouth. Loki just stared at him, trying to get a read on his brother’s reactions. The only answer he came up with was 'overwhelm.' But whether it was positive or negative, he couldn’t be sure.

Thor was staring down at his belly again. Where _their child_ was. He was staring like he’d been given a new set of eyes.

And Loki still couldn’t tell if he was happy or not.

“Can you tell me…” Thor murmured, muffled by his hand, “…how you feel about this first?”

What? Thor wanted his reaction?

Maybe that made sense from far away, Thor not wanting to be happy if Loki didn’t want this child, but not wanting to be upset if Loki did. But it didn’t console Loki in the slightest. If there was one thing he hated, it was looking at his own emotions. Particularly if it involved family.

“Nervous,” Loki breathed. Thor nodded.

Family. What had always hurt him, even before he knew he was adopted. Where he’d never quite belonged.

“Terrified.”

But now he and Thor were bound together by blood. They could have a new family, all their own.

Loki didn’t realize he was crying until Thor was stroking away his falling tears. But when he blinked through them to look over at Thor’s concern, a laugh bubbled out of him.

“And I’m delighted.”

Thor sobbed out his own laugh. “You are?” Loki could just nod, as his delirious joy at this new development finally overtook him.

It was overtaking Thor, too: he was hugging Loki again, kissing his face, his cheeks, his nose, his lips, murmuring, “So am I, so am I, so am I,” and all Loki could do was laugh.

Thor smoothed his hands down Loki’s face, cradling his chin in both palms. “You’re really—” He sniffed. “You’re really pregnant?”

Loki nodded with a grin. “About eight weeks in.”

“Eight weeks,” Thor whispered. His gaze wandered down to Loki’s abdomen again. This time one of his hands went with it, settling in a reverent touch just below Loki’s navel. It felt protective, and something like pride.

“You know,” Thor said, “I still think it’s a good idea for you to stay away from the sick ward. Even if you’re immune to the disease, it could transfer to the child.”

Loki didn’t have it in him to protest. Instead, he took Thor’s face in his hands and kissed him soundly. Thor eagerly responded. Even when they broke apart, they just looked at each other an inch away, with such nervous excitement boiling between them.

“We’re going to have a baby,” Thor whispered with such joy.

Loki grinned even further. “We are.”


	15. The News Spreads

They’d decided to keep the news to themselves for now. Loki wasn’t showing yet, which made that easier. Of course, they would need to reveal the truth eventually. Thor still wanted to marry Loki, so everyone would know they belonged to each other.

Surprisingly, Loki wasn’t sure he wanted that anymore. He’d dreamed of marrying his brother since childhood, but that was when the throne and Odin’s approval were the dominant forces in his life, when legitimacy of birth was a primary concern of the royal family. But with Odin dead, the golden throne destroyed, and Asgardian law now stripped to the bare essentials required for an immigrant people, was marriage even necessary for them?

Besides, he carried Thor’s child inside him. What better way to prove that Thor belonged to him, and he to Thor?

Still, though they were keeping this a secret for now, Thor was over the moon with pride. If he weren’t already so practiced at hiding their relationship from everyone, he probably would have told half the ship about the pregnancy within twelve hours. 

Loki was inclined to let him one day. But, he wanted this to himself for a while. He was nothing if not a selfish man. 

The one concession he agreed to was that Thor could tell Heimdall. The guardian of Asgard already knew about their relationship, and Loki’s previous reproductive traumas. The news would likely be met with nothing but happiness.

Sure enough, a week later, Loki found himself sitting with Heimdall at the bridge, as they worked on the course corrections for their next pit stop. As they worked, Heimdall said quietly, “I must offer you my congratulations.”

Loki glanced over to him. Heimdall gave him a small smile. “You know that I am sworn to protect and serve the royal family of Asgard.” His golden eyes briefly flitted down to Loki’s belly. “That includes all members of the royal family.”

Loki allowed himself a grin in return. “Thank you.”

Heimdall nodded, and they returned to their work.

They told no one else. But over time, as people noticed Loki’s continued vomiting, his covert sprinkling of the nutritional supplements onto his meals, and his unusually radiant complexion, they started approaching him with strange offers and knowing looks.

Women started telling him stories of how their previous pregnancies went, and what one in that position would need to watch out for. Men would speak to him of their deceased loved ones, emphasizing their names, in a not-so-subtle attempt to have Loki consider naming his child after them. Children flocked to him as a babysitter, saying their parents thought Loki might want some ‘practice.’

As far as Loki knew, they didn’t know who the father was. That is, until Korg said something.

They were eating dinner in the mess hall one evening. Thor had captivated the entire hall with the story of his first Syriak hunt. It was a tale Loki had heard at a thousand different feasts, and it grew more and more outlandish with each telling.

When he’d finished, the Valkyrie insisted that no Syriak she’d ever seen could have its hide pierced by a single dagger. As she and Thor started arguing about it, Korg tapped Loki on the shoulder.

“Hey, man,” he said. “Just wanted to say a big congratulations on your new baby.”

Loki hesitated for a second to respond. He’d never confirmed to any well-wishers that he was indeed pregnant. But, the Kronan was well-intentioned in all things, so he figured it couldn’t hurt in this case. Besides, with Thor and the Valkyrie taking up the hall's attention, no one else would hear his reply. “Thank you,” he said quietly.

“Yeah,” Korg said, “I wasn’t sure if you really were, since I couldn’t tell if Asgardians had an egg pouch or grew their babies on the inside. I guess it is on the inside, since you do not have an egg pouch.”

“Well-spotted,” Loki said.

Korg giggled. “Also, speaking of things I didn’t know about Asgardians, I didn’t know that the word ‘brother’ actually means ‘life partner’ to you guys.” He laughed again. “This whole time I thought you and Thor were related.”

Loki stilled as he calculated the best way to respond. In the end, he decided on the truth. “The word ‘brother’ does mean a familial relation. I was adopted, though I only found out a few years ago. Before that, Thor and I were raised together as brothers.”

“Oh,” Korg said. “So Asgardian siblings are allowed to reproduce?”

“Not usually,” Loki said. “We do have an incest taboo.” He shrugged. “But Thor and I never really cared about that.”

“Huh,” Korg said. But then he also shrugged, with one of his soft smiles. “Well, I guess you guys are happy. So I hope you both stay happy. Not like my sister, who kicked her boyfriend out of our house because he kept betting on Namerian races. Yeah, cost them a lot of money.”

As he let the Kronan talk about his family, Loki realized that his and Thor’s relationship had actually been well-received.

Indeed, over the next several days, he noticed others were giving Thor congratulations and advice, as well. No one explicitly said anything about him and Loki being together the way Korg had, but Loki could tell that was the assumption.

Even the Valkyrie said something to Thor when Loki was close enough to overhear, when they were all cleaning up Miek’s latest egg plasma spill. Thor beamed, and said, “Yes, I’m excited to be an uncle.”

“Right,” she said. “An uncle.”

She let the silence hang in the air for a few seconds. Thor squirmed in it. Loki considered speaking up, before the Valkyrie just scoffed and said, “Look, the royal family’s been weird for generations. I’ve given up trying to change that.”

Thor gave her a cautious smile, and they continued scrubbing the floor.

Once they’d cleaned up the worst of it, they headed back to their quarters for the night. Thor was grinning at him as they walked. “I told you others wouldn’t care too much.”

“Yes, yes,” Loki said, “you just have to point out when you’re right, don’t you?”

Thor took a hold of his arm to stop him. He smiled at Loki tenderly, reaching to hold the side of his neck. “Isn’t it a good thing to be right about?”

Loki huffed. But the irritation quickly deflated as he grinned back. “I suppose.”

Thor kissed him. Though he probably meant it to be a quick kiss, Loki found himself dragging it out. They stood there in the hallway, arms and lips wrapped up together, with Loki’s not-yet-protruding belly nestled between them. For those fleeting moments, Loki nearly forgot where he was.

He remembered as soon as they withdrew: they were in a public hallway. Someone could walk in on them at any moment. It would be better to continue this in their quarters.

But as he turned to start walking again, he locked eyes with Bruce Banner, who was staring at them from several feet away.

Banner’s mouth was hanging open. His eyes kept darting back and forth between Thor and Loki. He tried several times to say something, though no words came out. He looked like his brain had short-circuited.

Finally, he said, “You know what? This isn’t even the weirdest thing I’ve seen today.” He pointed behind him. “I’m gonna…go now.” And he turned on his heel and left down the hall.

As soon as he was gone, Loki burst out laughing. He was still laughing by the time Thor dragged him into their quarters.


	16. Memories

Before he knew it, Loki was due for his twelve-week scan. Thor insisted on coming with him, as he wanted to see the baby himself. Loki saw no reason to refuse. His insides were now a source of pride rather than shame. 

The head healer gave Thor a knowing look when he said he wanted to stay in the room. It made Loki wonder how long people had carried suspicions about their relationship. Had it started when he became pregnant? Or when they’d first begun their journey on this ship? Or had it gone back even further, to the centuries on Asgard when they’d stolen to each other’s beds each night?

Loki had always prided himself on his ability to keep his own secrets. If people had suspected this for some time, it was quite the blow to his ego.

He brushed aside those concerns as the healer started up the soul forge. He was looking forward to seeing how much the baby had grown in the last month.

When he saw it, he froze.

It had grown substantially in the last four weeks. It now bore more resemblance to a person than an alien blob. “Oh, Loki,” Thor breathed. “There it is.” His hand reached to the edges of the projection, as if cradling the little one in his palm.

The healer was checking different measurements and energy readings, saying that this or that looked healthy and on track. Thor was entranced by the image of their child in his hand.

But Loki felt like he was being strangled.

Though the baby was larger than it had been a month ago, it was still so small. It was maybe two inches long.

Loki had seen this before.

“Stop,” he said. But they didn’t hear him. The healer kept talking about weight gain and cravings beginning. Thor kept asking questions, and kept tracing his fingers around the edges of the image.

It could fit under the palm of his hand.

“Turn it off!”

The healer and Thor startled, and turned to Loki. “My prince?” the healer asked.

But Loki couldn’t explain what was happening, what his memory was dredging up. He just started sitting up, saying, “Turn it off, turn it off, turn it off…”

Thor reached to Loki’s shoulder, though it was unclear whether it was to soothe or restrain him. “Loki, she still has to check—”

_“I don’t care!”_ Loki screeched. A tear fell down his face, though he hadn’t been aware they’d been gathering in his eyes.

Upon seeing that, Thor’s eye widened. Loki couldn’t tell if he understood. Nonetheless, Thor turned to the healer and said, “Give us a moment, please.”

The healer looked at Thor, then Loki, then back to Thor. But she nodded. “Yes, my king.” She turned off the soul forge, and left.

Loki sat up on the table, his back turned to Thor. He sniffed deeply, wiped at his eyes, took deep breaths, all to stem the flow of his tears. 

Thor sat next to him on the table. Loki wished he would just leave him alone. He could never understand this. How could he?

But Thor did the exact opposite of leaving him alone: he tried to hug Loki. Loki shrugged out of it. So Thor tried again. Before long, Loki was fighting against his hold, telling him to just _stop_ , but Thor wasn’t having it.

Loki was soon forced to give up, wilting into Thor’s strong embrace. Thor didn’t say anything. He just held him there.

He held him for a long time. Loki’s tears stopped falling. He tried his best to lose himself in his brother’s embrace, but the images wouldn’t leave him alone.

Thor only released him partway so he could look at Loki’s face. Loki looked away.

So, Thor had to settle for kissing his forehead. “It won’t be like the last time,” he murmured. One of his thumbs started stroking down Loki’s cheek. Loki shivered at the touch. “This isn’t like the last one. You’re not being tortured. You’re safe here.”

“I know that,” Loki ground out. He cursed inwardly at how unsteady his voice sounded.

Thor just nodded, and kept stroking Loki’s face. “I know you don’t need to rely on me to protect or take care of you. But you do have me for that, if you ever need it.”

Loki let out a long breath through his nose. He was glad Thor had phrased it like that. If he’d just said ‘I’ll protect you,’ Loki probably would have just stabbed him and stormed out of the room.

Deep down, he was grateful for the offer. He’d grown up with the innate knowledge that his older brother would look after him if shit really hit the fan. It was good to have that back.

But an even deeper part of him knew that, if their first child’s killer ever found him again, even Thor wouldn’t be able to protect him. 

xxx

He did end up letting the healer finish checking what she needed to on the soul forge. He just kept his eyes closed. He was still shaken by his reaction, but he bore through it.

They left the med bay with Thor’s arm around Loki’s shoulders. Loki was glad Thor didn’t say anything further about what had happened.

As they walked toward their quarters so Loki could lie down, they had to stop when a rather large someone blocked their path.

A large, green someone.

Loki’s heart started pounding even faster. Thor let go of him, but it was only so he could move in front of him. “Hulk, what are you doing here? I thought you agreed to let Banner take control while we were on the spaceship.”

The Hulk huffed. “Hulk want out.”

“Yes, Hulk,” Thor said, taking on a tone he would use to talk to a child, “I know you want out. But you tend to break the spaceships you’re on—”

Hulk shoved Thor down. “Hulk. Want. OUT!”

As Thor tried to scramble to his feet, Hulk walked past him. Toward Loki.

Thor saw where he was going. “Hulk, wait!”

Loki was frozen stiff as the green beast stopped right in front of him. What was it Thor had said about protecting him?

The Hulk pointed a fat, green finger at Loki’s face. “Puny god.”

Loki was sure he was quivering. He hoped it wasn’t too obvious. 

Then the Hulk lowered his finger, pointing at Loki’s abdomen. Loki’s hands threaded around his middle, as if that would be enough to protect that part of him.

The Hulk grinned as he pointed. “Even punier god!”

What?

Loki trembled as he looked up at the Hulk. The beast had the proudest grin on his face. He kept pointing at Loki’s belly, looking at him expectantly.

Loki tried to draw himself up to his full height. “Yes,” he said. “Even punier god.”

The Hulk roared with delight, clapping his hands. Loki flinched at the sound.

“Hulk,” Thor shouted. He had gotten up by now, and made his way over to Loki’s side. “Yes, there is a punier god growing inside my brother. But if you’re too loud, the punier god will be scared!”

But the Hulk wasn’t listening. He started running back down the hall, chanting “Punier god! Punier god! Punier god!” as he went.

“Shit,” Thor said. “He’s going to destroy half the ship if he’s not careful!” He started running after the Hulk, before he stopped. Realizing Loki might need him more.

But Loki waved him on. “Go on, be a responsible leader. I’m going to lie down.”

“I’m not abandoning you!” Thor yelled back, even as he was walking backwards, away from Loki. “I just need to—”

“I _know_ ,” Loki said. “I’m not made of glass!”

“We’ll talk later!”

_“Go!”_

__

__

With a last remorseful look at Loki, Thor turned and ran after the Hulk. Loki sighed. He supposed it wasn’t outrageous for Thor to overthink his potential abandonment of Loki, given their recent history. But it still sounded ridiculous out loud. Of course Thor wasn’t abandoning him.

And yet, once he’d made it to their quarters and flopped down on their bed, it felt like exactly that.

He blew out a breath toward the ceiling at his own idiocy. For a man so hellbent on his own independence, he really was hypersensitive about being abandoned and unloved. Maybe that was to do with Odin, always holding his full approval just out of Loki’s reach.

Or maybe it went back further than that. It was hard to say whether being left to die as an infant had any long-term psychological effects on him. Maybe starting out life so insecure and helpless made him more susceptible to feeling that way.

He looked down the length of his body, where the little life within him was growing. He slid a hand over his belly and rubbed it gently.

He would never abandon this baby. His little one would never feel unloved. Ever. He’d try his damnedest for that not to happen.

“Well, today was shit, wasn’t it?” he said.

He was surprised he was talking to the baby. He didn’t think he would be the type to do so. But something was compelling him to.

“That’s two heart rate spikes in the span of an hour,” he said. “And I’m sure the soul forge feels strange to you, too. It makes my body tingle, but at least I know the reason for it. I’m sorry if it scared you.”

He knew the baby couldn’t actually hear him. It didn’t have enough of a brain developed to process the vibrations as sounds, let alone to understand the words’ meaning.

But, as Loki kept talking to it, he could feel his own heart rate slowing back to its baseline. His cortisol levels were probably going down, too. Such changes were probably easing the burden on the baby’s cells, even if the person itself couldn’t comprehend it.

“You’re a bit of a captive audience,” Loki mused. “Right now, every part of your wellbeing is dependent on my own. I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing, but that’s the way it is for the next six months.”

Six months. It seemed like no time at all. In half a year’s time, he’d be holding his child in his arms. It could breathe on its own then, have its own heartbeat. Its life wouldn’t necessarily end when Loki’s would.

What a relief that would be.

“I’m not going to let anything bad happen to you,” Loki promised. “I swear it. I would swear it on my life, or on your father’s, but I’ve tried to kill both those people before. So you’ll just have to trust me on this one.”

He spent the next few minutes talking to the baby, still with his hand over where his womb was. After a little while, he’d relaxed himself enough to start dozing.

xxx

When he woke, Thor was curled against his side, with one hand absently stroking Loki’s abdomen.

Loki shifted so he could look at Thor. Thor’s eye darted to him. “Hey.”

Loki yawned and stretched a bit. “How long was I out?”

“If you fell asleep right when you got here, about an hour,” Thor said. 

“An hour? That’s all it took to get the Hulk under control?”

“It’s not as difficult to accomplish nowadays,” Thor said. “He’s matured in the two years he spent on Sakaar. He can be reasoned with, to an extent.”

Loki raised his eyebrows skeptically. He knew the Hulk was now more capable of speech, but he still was not impressed with the beast’s cognitive abilities. “So the ship is safe?”

Thor chuckled. “Yes, the ship is safe.” He started caressing Loki’s stomach again, in a wordless promise of who else was safe. “And I’m sorry, about earlier. I should have known it would upset you to see the baby at this stage.”

“Thanks for the reminder,” Loki muttered. But he knew that was a low shot to take, so he put his hand on top of Thor’s on his stomach. “It’s not like the baby can help being the size it is right now.”

“So you would want to see it at the next scan?” Thor asked.

Loki stiffened. “I don’t know.” It came out as little more than a whisper, so he cleared his throat and said, “At this point, I don’t think I want to see this baby at all until it’s born.”

But Thor kept pressing the issue. “At all? Not even at twenty weeks? Or thirty?”

Loki glared at him. Thor relented. “Okay. Sorry.”

Silence settled between them. Thor kept caressing Loki’s stomach. He also tried an appeasing kiss to Loki’s cheek. Loki allowed it.

“It’s fine if you don’t,” Thor said after a while, “but I will tell you, seeing what I saw today…” He smiled. “It’s the most miraculous thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Mm?”

“We made this child, Loki. Together. And now it has both our flesh, both our features, blended into an entirely new person.”

“Yes, Thor, that is how reproduction tends to work for multicellular lifeforms.”

Thor laughed. “You know what I mean. We made a miracle together.”

It was the most sickeningly sentimental thing Loki had ever heard. But he couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his lips in response. 

When Thor kissed his cheek again, Loki turned to kiss him properly. Thor hummed in contentment. 

And they kept kissing. More, and more, and more. Lazy and sweet, but still with the fire Loki always felt kindling when he was around Thor. A constant simmering of desire, flaring when they were close and smoldering when they parted. But nothing ever doused it.

Thor’s hand was still petting his stomach. But then it started wandering lower, till his fingertips had dipped beneath the waistband of Loki’s trousers.

But Thor stopped there. Making his intent known, but asking permission for it.

Loki answered by sliding his trousers down past his hips.

Thor grinned. He pulled back from the kiss as he wrapped his hand around Loki’s cock. 

Loki couldn’t help his hitched gasp. Every one of Thor’s calluses felt so good on his flesh, as his brother slowly coaxed him to full hardness.

He looked at Thor through hooded lids. Thor was looking at him the same way, but with a small smile that jumped up whenever he provoked another gasp from Loki. 

Growing up, Thor had always been so pleased when he succeeded in taking Loki apart. But the difference now was that Loki wasn’t annoyed by Thor’s smug satisfaction. Now he knew Thor wasn’t pleased at having power over him. He was pleased Loki felt so good from it. 

Maybe that knowledge spurred some generosity from Loki. Maybe his pregnancy hormones were urging it on. But regardless of the reason why, Loki reached to unlace Thor’s trousers.

Thor used his free hand to help him get his garments out of the way. When his cock sprang free, already fully hard from what he’d been doing to Loki, Loki rolled on his side to bring their groins flush together.

“Fuck,” Thor gasped. And, well, Loki agreed.

He and Thor each wrapped their hands around both their cocks. From the amount of pre-come they were both leaking on each other, their hands soon became a slippery sheath they could fuck into. Now Thor was gasping along with Loki.

Still, they were in no hurry. They rubbed together at a languid pace, moving and breathing and sighing. The rhythm only faltered when Loki hitched his leg over Thor’s hip, giving himself more leverage for his thrusts.

It also happened to open his legs enough for Thor to reach his cunt. It took some maneuvering to free the arm Thor had been lying on, but it was more than worth it when his fingers started sliding between Loki’s folds, delving inside him and caressing everywhere else.

Thor had once admitted he’d always been jealous of Loki’s cunt, just as Loki was jealous of Thor's massive cock. But Loki had never understood Thor's feelings about it. His cunt gave him the pain and bleeding of menstruation. It gave him the vulnerability of potential sexual assault that all women must carry in the back of their minds. It made him different, a man with the parts of a woman.

But now, as he edged toward an orgasm by both fucking and being fucked by Thor’s hands, he understood why Thor was jealous. These dual sensations were _divine_ , and no one but him had the privilege of feeling it.

They both came within seconds of each other, with low moans and messy spurts of seed on both their hands and stomachs. Loki’s cunt shuddering around Thor’s fingers made it feel even better.

Since Thor didn’t release inside his cunt, Loki didn’t pass out. It was the first time in a few months that he was able to pant his way down from it with Thor, their breath mingling an inch away from each other.

Loki soon became too sensitive for Thor to be touching him, so Thor withdrew his hands from both cock and cunt. But one of his hands still found its way to Loki’s, fingers entwining loosely near their softening erections.

Loki just breathed, nearly dozing in contentment. It occurred to him that he’d just subjected the baby to yet another heart rate spike. But, with how relaxed he was now, curled up with the baby’s father, perhaps the oxytocin now flooding his system was worth it.

“This is all I ever wanted,” Thor murmured.

Loki’s eyes slid open to Thor. His brother was looking at him with that gentle love in his eye, which always made Loki squirm. So, he deflected with a smartass question: “What, a handjob?”

Thor breathed a chuckle, not letting his earnestness be deterred. “Being by your side. Facing the world with you.” His unoccupied hand tucked a sweat-plastered lock of hair behind Loki’s ear. “Making love with you. Starting a family with you.”

A memory rose unbidden from the haze of Loki’s childhood. He’d barely mastered the ability to walk, and was toddling around after Thor. Thor had run up to their mother and asked, _“Mama, when do I get to marry Loki?”_

__

__

Frigga had laughed, probably giving a simple explanation that no, brothers do not marry their younger siblings. But Thor had yelled, _“But I love Loki more than anyone else!”_ and had scooped Loki up in his arms, bounding them away together as if he were kidnapping a new bride.

They had been too young then to feel true sexual desire. But even back then, Thor had known his fate, and had accepted it wholeheartedly. Even when Loki looked at his brother now, though maturity and wisdom had tempered the wildness, he still saw that calm certainty in Thor’s face that fate would give him everything he wanted.

Loki used to hate that side of Thor. But he reveled in it now, because what he wanted and what Thor wanted were now in perfect harmony. 

He smiled, and rolled closer to Thor with a sigh. Thor happily took the hint to hold him closer with a kiss to his forehead. For the first time in a long while, there was no animosity or resentment between them. There was only love, as simple as it was in their childhood, as it always should have been.


	17. Trouble on the Horizon

The peace held for another three weeks, which may have been a record for them. Yes, they kept having to course-correct for their next fuel stop, and more and more of their citizens were falling ill. But they led their people through it together, and it worked.

But of course, it didn’t last.

Loki had kicked Thor out of the bathroom this morning and barricaded himself inside. Thor thought he was being ridiculous. They’d bathed together hundreds of times, and relieving themselves in front of each other wasn’t unheard of, either. There wasn’t any part of each other’s bodies that hadn’t been thoroughly explored.

Except now there was. And Loki wasn’t comfortable with it yet, so he didn’t want to let Thor in to see it.

He stood in profile to the bathroom mirror with his shirt off, examining these new contours from every angle. One of these new shapes he was delighted for, but two of them were not entirely expected.

He was almost to sixteen weeks now, so his belly was just starting to protrude. It still only looked like he had overindulged at dinner, and only if one really looked for it. He had been letting his tunics out slightly to accommodate that growth, so the baby’s presence was still well-hidden.

But what had Loki so self-conscious was the two slight lumps above it. Yes, that’s right, Loki Odinson, Prince (Consort?) of Asgard, a rightful king of at least one realm if not two, was growing _breasts._

__

__

Well, not quite. His chest probably looked no different to anyone else. His pectoral muscles, while nowhere near as impressive as Thor’s, were still well-defined in their own right. So far, they still looked like a man’s.

But Loki could feel the difference. They felt swollen in his skin, like they were on the cusp of a growth spurt. Especially his nipples.

He rolled his fingers around one of his areolas, wincing at the sensitivity. They felt harder now. Had they grown darker, too? His were usually a pale pink, had they changed any?

It was hard to tell. But he couldn’t deny that something was different there. Which meant they would only change more and more with each passing month of this pregnancy.

Wait, it would probably be even longer than that. Once the baby was born, his breasts would have an actual purpose, and that purpose was…

He had to sit down on the toilet lid at the thought. He was now imagining holding the baby in his arms for the first time, and then _nursing_ his baby.

He hadn’t even considered that as a possibility. And he hadn’t counted on what a delight it was to contemplate the prospect. He broke into a wide smile, and looked down at his belly. “It looks like I might feed you, too,” he said.

Yes, he was still talking to the baby. No, Thor didn’t know about that, either. And no, he wasn’t planning on telling him anytime soon.

He spent a few more minutes sitting there, cupping his chest muscles and caressing his belly. He could feel the beginnings of softness everywhere, as his body was redistributing its fat for the second trimester. He was sure Thor would notice soon, the way he pawed at Loki every chance he got. 

Speaking of his brother, Loki should probably let him in to shower.

But when he opened the bathroom door (after reconjuring his shirt and cape), he wasn’t met with a disgruntled scowl from Thor. He was met with an empty bedroom.

Loki frowned. He went out into the hallway, but that just yielded more questions.

People were milling toward the front of the ship. Loki just stood there watching them for a few seconds, before joining their progress. As they saw who was in their midst, the growing crowd parted to let him pass.

They let him through all the way to the bridge, where Thor and his council were gathered at the instruments. Some static-filled noise was coming from the inter-ship comm link. The other citizens and former gladiators were also crowded around the room, all listening to the incoming signal.

Heimdall was the only one to look up to Loki’s approach. He shifted to one side, allowing Loki a space in the gathering. A space that happened to be at Thor’s right side.

Thor stood in the center of it all, one hand on his chin as he stared intently at the comm link’s speaker. Loki could hardly make out the words that broke through the cosmic static. Something about ‘under attack’ and ‘all in the area.’ So it was some kind of distress signal.

But then he heard ‘Nova Corps,’ which surprised him. The Nova Corps were always able to defend their territories, even against that Kree warlord who had attacked Xandar several years ago.

But now, the frazzled Xandarian on the other side of the comm link was telling a different story. “The Nova Corps are overwhelmed, I repeat, we are overwhelmed. We request all transport ships in the immediate vicinity to begin evacuating our citizens. We have children who are—”

Then there was static again.

They stood there for several minutes, trying to parse more words within the static. But the voice just kept getting more garbled, and fainter, until static was all there was.

“Heimdall, can you see Xandar?” Thor asked.

Heimdall looked out the large window into the stars. The muscles around his eyes tightened. Loki knew it took no physical effort for Heimdall to see across any distance, so the strain must be an emotional one.

At last, Heimdall said quietly, “It is as they say. A massacre has engulfed the planet. Even now they—”

He cut himself off. Everyone but Thor looked to Heimdall for the cause, and were met by such sadness in the guardian’s face.

“What is it?” the Valkyrie asked.

After a moment, Heimdall said, “Xandar has been destroyed.”

“The entire city?” an Asgardian woman asked.

Heimdall shook his head. “The entire planet.”

Hushed murmurs filled the bridge.

“What of the Infinity Stone?” Thor asked. Loki turned to him, his stomach churning with dread. He hadn’t known Thor was so knowledgeable of the Stones’ locations.

Heimdall’s reply was grave. “It was the cause of the destruction. Taken by a large warship that has now concealed itself even from my sight.”

Loki’s breath started picking up speed. He could feel himself growing paler. Before he knew it, he had turned on his heel and fled the bridge.

xxx

Loki was frantic. 

He’d intended to retreat to his quarters at first. But he’d changed his mind halfway there, as he couldn’t stand the thought of Thor walking in on him in such a state. The only place he could think of for some privacy was the broom cupboard he’d slept in several months ago.

Once he’d secured himself inside, his hyperventilating got the better of him. He slid down to the floor, clutching his knees to his chest. Trying and failing to keep himself together.

Thanos was making his move on the Infinity Stones. He’d already taken the one that would make him the strongest. Any other Stone he acquired would now have its power amplified by its sister.

And if he was hunting them down across the universe, which Stone made the most sense to go after next, which would give him instant access to any location in that universe?

With a shaking hand, Loki reached into his pocket dimension and withdrew the Tesseract. Its ethereal blue light illuminated the entire storage closet, as if it were mocking him by advertising its presence so.

But why was he resisting this so much? Hadn’t he known Thanos would come for him in the end? Isn’t that why he took the Tesseract from the vault in the first place, so he could at least save Thor’s life, in place of his own?

He closed his eyes at his own folly. When he opened them, he was looking down at his stomach.

At the reason why he couldn’t just throw away his own life anymore.

He could feel tears of frustration threatening to spill over. But he kept them in with deep breaths. They wouldn’t change the situation.

He would have to save himself now. By getting him pregnant, Thor had unwittingly signed his own death warrant.

His decision made, Loki tightened his grip on the Tesseract. That power called to his blood as much as he wished he could ignore it. The entire universe was at his fingertips. He could open a portal to any point in space with no more than a thought’s effort. It was the freedom he’d always hungered for!

Wasn’t it?

As soon as that doubt entered his head, Loki looked away from the Stone. Not only were there emotional reasons he couldn’t just run, there were practical reasons, as well.

The Stones could sense each other. Using the Space Stone would probably just alert Thanos to its exact location. And even if Thanos collected other Stones first for some reason, he would eventually come for Loki.

And then Loki would have to face him alone. Either alone while pregnant, or alone with a baby. Regardless, both Loki and his child would die.

Sure, it would be sparing the lives of Thor and the other Asgardians. But Loki didn’t even try convincing himself that those lives mattered more to him than his child’s. It was irrational, and selfish, and he wouldn’t change his feelings about it even if he could.

Whereas, if he stayed here, he and the rest of the ship could put up a fight. And maybe that would buy them enough time to escape.

It might be good to work on his projections, then. One of his doubles could talk Thanos in circles, making empty promises and threats till no one knew what to believe. And, if he made it solid enough to get a few hits in, it might be convincing enough to put Thanos off his trail for good.

Even as he came up with the plan, Loki had a shallow laugh at how flimsy it was. If he was relying on tricking Thanos, he was doomed.

But, he only had to trick him for long enough.

He vanished the Tesseract once again, and rose to leave the storage room. He could figure this out. 

He had to.


	18. Preparations

The next week was spent covertly practicing his corporeal body doubles. They took a great deal more concentration than his usual non-solid illusions. But the larger problem was, the more energy he used on these now, the less he’d have in reserve when Thanos actually showed up. 

Another problem was Thor. He seemed to have put the distress signal from Xandar out of his mind once they’d decided there was nothing they could do to help. At least, if Thor did think about it, he wasn’t bringing it up.

But because Thor wasn’t thinking about it, he would grow suspicious to see Loki practicing. So, Loki did so after Thor had fallen asleep.

Or in moments like this, when Thor was out of the room. Tonight, Thor had been called out to help restart the heart of someone in the sick ward. Whatever plague they’d picked up on that gray planet still hadn’t slowed down; now it was half their population that was quarantined in the rear of the ship. This was the first time someone had come close to dying, though. Fortunately, their king’s recently-awakened lightning powers meant he could be used a walking defibrillator. 

But it had gotten him out of the room. Loki, meanwhile, stood at their bedroom’s window, and tried creating another projection.

It appeared readily enough. And when he touched its arm, it held. But three seconds later, he felt it give.

He sighed, and worked his fingers in complicated patterns to weave the appropriate layers of augmentation spells. But just as he went to touch the double again, the door to his quarters slid open. It was Thor, of course.

Loki and his double both looked to Thor, who narrowed his eye. “Is this your way of telling me you want to have a threesome?” Thor asked.

Loki scoffed, and vanished the double. “You know they’re not solid.”

Thor laughed as he slid the door closed behind him. “I know. But that didn’t stop us from trying it that one night, if you recall.”

“If _you_ recall,” Loki countered, “it was a complete failure.”

“So we had a twosome instead of a threesome,” Thor said. “That’s far from a complete failure.”

Loki had to fight hard to suppress his grin at the memory. They’d been adolescents, newly in love and eager to enact every fantasy they’d ever had about each other. Unfortunately, Loki hadn’t had the grasp on his projections that he did now. Every new Thor or Loki he’d tried to conjure would vanish under their lips.

“Well, if it’s not that,” Thor said as he walked over to Loki, “what were you doing?”

Loki grinned smoothly. “Practicing.”

He met Thor’s lips when they were offered. It occurred to him that, between their expecting a child and their affair not requiring the utmost secrecy anymore, he and Thor were becoming entirely too domestic.

Although, Thor’s reasons for ending the kiss so quickly may have been due to his growing suspicions. He raised an eyebrow at Loki. “Practicing? What for?”

Loki grinned again. “In case I need them.”

He tried to kiss Thor again, but Thor turned away to the window with a sigh. Loki knew he could tell the whole truth wasn’t being revealed.

When Thor turned back to him, his gaze looked far too knowing for Loki’s comfort. “Is this about Thanos?”

Loki couldn’t school his features to a lie quickly enough, so he knew there wasn’t much point in trying.

Especially when Thor reached to hold Loki’s bicep and said, “He’s going after the Infinity Stones. He’s not coming after you.”

“I lost two Infinity Stones for him,” Loki said. 

“That doesn’t mean—”

“He’ll make time for me.”

From the way Thor blinked at him then, he didn’t expect the edge in Loki’s voice at those words. “Well,” he said, “even if he does, you’re not going to be facing him alone this time. And”—he spoke over Loki’s eyeroll—“I don’t just mean me!”

Loki turned away from Thor to the window. He wasn’t in the mood for Thor’s remaining arrogance tonight. “We don’t have many warriors on this ship, Thor,” he said.

“I’m talking about Earth.”

Loki’s brow knit in confusion at that. “Earth?”

“Yes, the Avengers,” Thor said. “We even have a new team member who’s made of an Infinity Stone! And the other Stone on Earth is wielded by that sorcerer. I know neither of us like him much, but if he’s as powerful as his title makes him sound, he’ll be useful, too!”

Loki let out a slow breath at all that. He had nearly forgotten that there were two Stones still on Earth. And they weren’t just idly sitting there, waiting to be captured like the one on Xandar. They were being actively used to defend the planet, by beings who knew how to harness their powers.

But Thor was a fool if he believed a few humans could keep Thanos away from what he wanted.

It didn’t matter much, though. They were still months away from reaching Midgard. It might make more sense for them to settle on a closer planet that had more defensible positions.

Besides, Loki had more personal misgivings about their final destination, though he hadn’t brought them up with Thor. Well, maybe he’d listen to them now.

“Do you really think it’s a good idea to go back to Earth?”

“Yes, of course,” Thor said. Loki hadn’t realized his brother had adopted the same stance of looking out the window. “The people of Earth love me, I’m very popular.”

Okay, then. Thor was oblivious to Loki’s meaning. What the Hel did Thor’s popularity have to do with it, anyway? “Let me rephrase that,” Loki said. “Do you really think it’s a good idea to bring _me_ back to Earth?”

If he was expecting Thor to waffle around with a reassurance, he was wrong. “Probably not, to be honest,” Thor said. But he grinned at Loki, who couldn’t help grinning back, imagining Thor trying to explain to his mortal friends that he and Loki had produced a child together. 

“I wouldn’t worry, Brother,” Thor said, turning back to the window. “I feel like everything’s going to work out fine.”

Loki’s lips flickered in an imitation of a smile. Maybe Thor was right. Maybe they’d be left alone until they reached Earth, where the Infinity Stones at their disposal would be enough. Maybe Loki was overreacting to the potential danger because of his painful memories.

But no sooner had the thought crossed his mind, when something blotted out their view of the stars from their window. 

As he and Thor looked up at it, Loki realized what this was.

“What the—”

Thor couldn’t finish his thought, as the warship fired its first shot. It rattled the entire ship so much it knocked both of them off their feet.

Loki grunted at the sharp pain in his elbow where he’d landed. But looking down at it, he realized it was because his arms had instinctively curled around his middle. In that light, he welcomed the sting in his elbow.

“Loki.” Loki looked to meet Thor’s eye. His brother looked so concerned when he asked, “Is this…?”

Loki just nodded. He could feel himself turning pale as he realized that yes, _this was it._

__

__

This was _him._

__

__

Thor’s mouth set into a grim line. “Right.” He hefted himself to his feet and sprinted for the door.

“Thor, wait—”

But Thor was gone.

xxx

This was stupid. This was _madness_. Each shuddering of the ship as more and more volleys battered their shields proved it.

And yet here Loki was, trying to follow Thor as he shouted orders to everyone. Something was compelling him to try to explain the situation to Thor. Even if it meant wasting precious seconds, and even if the last thing Thor felt toward him was disappointment.

Thor had sent Heimdall and other warriors to the bridge, save for the Valkyrie. To her, he said, “I need you to start evacuating the sick ward.”

“I’m one of our best warriors,” she protested. “You’ll need my help in this.”

“I know,” Thor said. “Our people will need you defending them if the fight makes its way to the stern.”

Her mouth shut. She knew Thor had a point. Loki knew it, too. “Fine,” she said. “I’ll get the escape pods ready.”

Thor nodded. “Take Korg with you, he’s good in a fight.” As she headed toward the stern without another word, he added, “And take Loki, too!”

Loki rounded on him. “What?”

“Don’t argue with me,” Thor said. “You know why I’m doing this.”

He turned to leave for the bridge. So Loki prowled after him. “I’m not going,” he called out to Thor.

“Loki,” Thor growled as he kept walking, “now would be a great time for your self-preservation instincts to kick in.”

Loki yanked Thor’s arm and whisked them into a side corridor. “Is that all you think I care about?” he shot back. “Myself?”

“No, I don’t,” Thor said. His face was deathly serious as he glared at Loki. “I think you care about our child, too, which is even more reason why you should do as I ask in this.”

“And what, you think you going up against Thanos on your own is in the child’s best interest?”

“If it buys you time to escape—”

“So you’ll die facing an undefeatable foe, so I can—”

 _“It’s better than the other way around!”_ Thor bellowed in his face. Loki flinched, both from the volume and the words. Thor looked away and back quickly. “I can’t lose you again,” he said, more softly this time. His eye flitted down to Loki’s barely-protruding belly. “Either of you.”

Loki pushed past that sentiment. “It’s me he’s after.” He had to force his next words out of his throat quickly, or he would continue holding onto them. “Or rather, I _have_ what he’s after.”

At Thor’s furrowed brow, Loki lowered his eyes, and summoned the Tesseract to his hand.

It took a few seconds for him to muster the courage to look Thor in the eye again. When he did, Thor’s initial shock soon gave way to something murderous. When he spoke again, his rage was just barely contained. “If you weren’t carrying my child right now—”

“Well, I am,” Loki said. “So here we are.”

Thor shook his head in disbelief as he looked up at the ceiling. “I should have known,” he said. “I should have known you’d never abandon your old ways entirely.”

Loki’s heart thudded louder, though this time it was with anger of his own. “What do you—”

“C’mon, Loki, what did you think would happen?” Thor snapped. “What did you think would happen when you brought the Tesseract with you? My only question is, did you plan to let him kill us all and trade it for your own life from the beginning, or—”

“It’s not my life I planned to trade it for.”

Thor’s next words were stoppered by that admission. That, and another rattling as the ship took another hit. This time the lights started to flicker. Thor and Loki’s faces, however, were still illuminated by the Tesseract held between them. Lucky them.

Loki took the moment of silence afforded him to grip Thor’s arm. “If it’s a fight you want, let me help you with it,” he said. “But if we are defeated, you must let me bargain with the Tesseract. It may be our only chance.”

Thor looked to him, then to the Tesseract. Another distant boom shook the walls.

“Fine,” he said. “But only on two conditions. One, you help evacuate everyone. You stay away from the fighting.”

After some hesitation, Loki nodded. Besides the potential damage to the child that a fight would risk, he also couldn’t bargain with Thanos if he was killed before he got the chance.

“And two, if it comes down to it, you trade it for your own life.”

Loki’s face withered into such fear at that. “What? No, Thor, listen—”

“No, Loki, _you_ listen,” Thor said, his hands grasping Loki’s shoulders. “If I die, it’s just my life. But if you die, it’s two lives lost.”

That should have made perfect sense to Loki’s mind. Indeed, some instinctual side of him was screaming that very sentiment, to protect his child at all costs.

One of Thor’s hands rose to cup Loki’s face. “I will live on through our child,” he murmured. “But that child can’t live if something happens to you. If it comes to a choice, you _have_ to let him kill me.”

Loki swallowed hard. That should have been the choice the Prince of Lies planned on making from the beginning. How easily had he decided to sell Thor back into slavery on Sakaar, or to aim all of Gungnir’s power at him on the Bifrost? He was the God of Mischief after all, out for himself before anyone else.

But he wasn't just the God of Mischief anymore. He was more than that now.

But before he could answer yes or no to Thor’s request, another blast rattled the ship. This time he heard distant screams.

“Promise me, Loki,” Thor urged through the Tesseract’s glow.

Loki’s gaze stuttered up to Thor’s. He just nodded, not trusting his voice to remain steady.

Thor kissed him quickly. Too quickly. “Go,” he said. “Help the Valkyrie with the escape pods.”

As Thor left for the bridge, Loki managed to say, “Don’t do anything stupid.”

He didn’t know if Thor had heard him.

xxx

As Loki raced to the quarantine, he collided with Bruce Banner. For a terrible second, a green hue started creeping up the human’s neck, but thankfully, he forced it back down.

“Hey,” Banner said, “what are you doing back here? Aren’t you gonna help Thor?”

“Thor asked me to help here.”

Banner looked confused at that, before he looked down at Loki’s stomach. “Ohhhh,” he said, “that…that does make sense.”

“Are you helping here, too?”

“Me? No, no, I was just…the big guy doesn’t really…” He trailed off from his thought. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter! Last I checked, I’m not pregnant, so I’m gonna go help Thor up front.”

He started running off the way Loki had come. Loki had to admire the little man’s bravery, even if he was well-equipped to handle enemies three times his size.

Wait… 

…the Hulk _was_ equipped to handle large foes… 

“Banner, wait!”

Banner skidded to a halt. “What?”

Loki paused, calculating at light speed of how to best play this to their advantage. Thanos would only expect to fight Asgardians; he wasn’t expecting a raging beast as large as him. And with how much resistance Banner had shown in recent days to transforming into the Hulk again, Thor may not expect it, either.

“Stay in reserve,” Loki said. “Don’t bring out the Hulk until I give you a signal.”

Banner’s eyes shifted. “You mean, like a surprise attack?”

“Precisely. It may be Thor’s only chance.”

Banner looked behind him, in the direction of the bridge. Then, back to Loki. Loki could see similar calculations in his eyes, but Loki was sure they were about whether or not to trust him.

Thankfully, Banner responded by asking, “What will the signal be?”

“The Hulk’s name.”

Banner nodded. “Alright. I’ll hang back until then.”

Loki nodded back, and continued on his way to the quarantine.

He hadn’t been here since he’d known he was pregnant. The afflicted citizens looked a lot worse than he’d remembered. Still, he didn’t recoil from helping the Valkyrie, Korg, and the head healer shepherd everyone onto the escape pods. 

When the last of the sick ward left, the healer realized she’d forgotten some of the medical supplies. The Valkyrie was going to escort her, but Loki volunteered instead, telling the Valkyrie and Korg to escape themselves. The encroaching danger meant there was no time for them to argue about it.

As the healer and Loki rushed to the last escape pod at the stern, arms laden with healing supplies, the healer turned to him. “I hope you’re coming with me, my prince.”

Loki shook his head. “I need to help Thor face this threat.”

“But my prince, your condition—”

“I know what my condition is!”

She stepped in front of him, pursing her lips in disapproval. “Then you’ll know that the king will understand why you must escape with us now.”

“There’s no time to argue about this,” Loki snapped. “Believe me, as much as I wish I could—”

There was another blast. Another shuddering. A sickening crack.

Then a rush of air as the ship broke in two, right before Loki’s feet.

He was jerked toward the vacuum before he could brace himself. The supplies he’d been carrying scattered to the stars. Presumably, so had the healing woman.

In a blind panic, he reached his magic out to the nearest edge of the ship he could see. A beam of green light erupted forth, connecting him to it. 

He pulled with all his strength, till he was in the hallway he’d been standing in prior to the blast. But it was far from a secure position, as the air was still being sucked out of the open end of the corridor.

He clung to his anchor point with all his might, crouched at the edge of the hallway. He was getting lightheaded from the thinning air. He knew he’d survived two falls through empty space before, but he wasn’t sure how long he could stay in this spot.

But just as that thought left his head, the air suddenly stopped whooshing past him. He gasped in a breath, then another. There wasn’t as much oxygen now, but at least it wasn’t going to get any thinner.

He rose, and turned to see what had happened to the hole. In its place, there was what looked like a mess of debris from the other half of the ship, crushed together to form a barrier against the opening. If Loki hadn’t known any better, he would have thought it the improvisational work of a telekinetic being.

A high, reedy cackling approached from behind him. 

Loki’s heart started hammering. He broke out in sweat, as he remembered the sting of molten metal.

“I did wonder where you had run off to,” that serpentine voice crooned behind him. “You were nowhere to be found on the battlefield. That is, if you can call your people’s efforts at the bridge a ‘battle.’”

Loki swallowed. He didn’t know where he found the courage to look behind him.

The Maw grinned at him. “Come,” he said. “He is waiting for you.”


	19. The Best-Laid Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't realize until yesterday that _this_ would be the chapter I leave you with at the end of 2018. I'm sorry about that. I'm also really really sorry for what's about to happen :(
> 
> For the specific trigger warnings, please refer to this chapter's end notes. If you don't want spoilers you can skip that, but you read at your own risk! I also included asterisks before the triggering part begins, so you can skip over that if you want to.

Soon, Loki was stepping over bodies. The Maw had been right. It had been foolish to try mounting a challenge against Thanos and his servants.

Dying groans and muffled sobs were all that broke through the silence. That, and pained gasps every so often, as Loki saw the staff-wielding couple stabbing those who still clung to life. Efficient, and brutal.

The Maw started crooning out his usual proclamations of becoming Thanos’s children. Loki did his best to tune him out. He kept moving. He only faltered for half a second when he saw Heimdall, lying in his own blood, shuddering as he bled out.

Loki kept scanning around the bodies, looking for a glimpse of spiky blond hair or a bright blue eye. But he couldn’t find Thor. Conflicting sensations of relief and dread surged in his chest with each body that wasn’t his brother.

It turned into sheer terror when he saw the Titan himself standing on the far side of the room. Loki came to a stop at the sight, and probably couldn’t have moved if he’d tried.

But he had to breathe. He had his bargaining chip, and without proof of Thor’s survival, he could trade it for his own life as agreed. No problem.

“I know what it’s like to lose,” Thanos said. The way he said it, he might have been commenting on the weather, not surrounded by a slaughter of his own making. “To feel so desperately that you’re right, yet to fail, nonetheless.”

He kept talking, but a flutter of movement at the Titan’s feet drew Loki’s attention. His heart dropped as he saw who it was.

Thor, defeated in battle. Thor, helpless at the feet of Loki’s previous torturer. Thor, usually so strong and full of life, now hardly able to move from his spot.

Until he did. But not of his own doing; from Thanos _picking him up_ by his breastplate, dangling him in one hand as he limply struggled. Like a fish caught on a hook.

Some distant part of Loki was glad he was so shocked. It was keeping his face neutral, so Thanos couldn’t sniff out any weakness. At least, he hoped that was the case.

He didn’t hear what Thanos finished his speech with. But he did see the Power Stone glowing in the Gauntlet he’d set it in. Its violet light would have been beautiful, if its implications weren’t so terrifying.

Loki’s focus was stolen again, as Thanos shifted his grip on Thor, holding him up by the head. Thor coughed up a bit of blood and rasped out, “You talk too much.”

 _Not now,_ Loki silently pleaded. _Don’t be an idiot now, Thor. Not today._

__

__

Thanos, on the other hand, made a smart move. “The Tesseract, or your brother’s head.”

Loki could hardly breathe as he watched the Power Stone edge closer to Thor’s face. 

Here was the choice. 

Thor had told him to make it. But Loki hadn’t thought it would come to this so soon.

But Thanos wasn’t going to wait long for an answer. “I assume you have a preference,” he said dryly.

Well, apparently Thanos expected him to be heartless, with a comment like that. So Loki played to the expectation, though he had no idea where he found the voice for it. “Oh, I do. Kill away.”

Thanos’s eyes widened, but he complied.

But the worst part was how he chose to carry out the deed. He used the Stone, pressing all its power into Thor’s temple.

And Thor started _screaming._

__

__

Loki tried to smile, at first, as he watched Thor’s face start fracturing along violet lines. He tried smirking at the sight of the king who had taken his throne, crying out in agony as he was tortured to death.

When his smile started to fade, he tried reminding himself that this was better than the alternative. It could be him in Thanos’s grasp. Or worse, it could be his child.

Their child.

The one he’d made with his brother.

That was his brother screaming, his brother dying, the one he loved above all others being tortured and ripped apart—

_“Alright, stop!”_

__

__

Thanos released Thor. But Loki’s stomach still dropped, as if it were a resounding defeat. He closed his eyes. _Fool, you sentimental_ fool.

“We don’t have the Tesseract,” Thor slurred. “It was destroyed on Asgard.”

Loki opened his eyes again, to his fool of a brother. A last-minute act of deceit wouldn’t do them any good. Thanos clearly didn’t believe it, the way he still looked expectantly at Loki.

So, out of options, Loki drew the Tesseract to his palm.

Thanos’s eyes lit up in glee as the blue light reflected in them. Though Loki’s hand shook, he tried to keep calm as he stepped toward Thanos. He made the mistake, however, of meeting Thor’s look of disappointment.

“I assure you, Brother,” Loki managed, “the sun will shine on us again.”

Thor just looked at him helplessly. Probably due to his eyepatch, he didn’t see the mass of green skulking in the wreckage on the far side of the bridge. But Loki caught it in his periphery. He just had to get Thanos into position.

Thanos smirked. It still terrified Loki to see it, a reminder of a phantom pain in his lower belly. “Your optimism is misplaced, Asgardian,” Thanos sneered.

“Well, for one thing,” Loki sneered back, clinging to a sheen of bravado, “I’m not Asgardian. And for another…”

He took a steadying breath. “…We have a Hulk.”

Right on cue, the Hulk roared. Loki jumped as the Hulk did, grabbing Thor and rolling them both away from the ensuing fight. The Tesseract clattered to the floor, forgotten.

Thor was gasping from the lingering pain in his head, and from who knows how many internal injuries sustained from the battle. Loki dragged Thor into the wreckage to hide them from the brawl. The Hulk’s battle cries resounded throughout the ship. For once, the sound brought hope to Loki’s heart.

Thor tried to rise, but Loki forced him back down. “Shhh,” Loki hissed, “You’re in no condition.” He smoothed a hand over the left side of Thor’s face, where lingering burn marks from the Power Stone were still visible. He quickly put his magic to use, healing Thor’s body as best he could. It wasn’t a thorough job, just enough to get Thor on his feet for their escape.

But then there came a terrible sound. Instead of the Hulk’s angry roars, he gave a groan of pain.

Thor’s head whipped to the sound. The wreckage they were hidden behind prevented them from seeing what was happening. But as one groan became two, then three, Loki could guess how the fight was concluding. His heart sank with each sound.

Then, there was a large crash. A sound of an enormous body hitting the floor. There were no more cries from the Hulk after that.

Thor, now healed enough to rise, clambered to his feet. Adrenaline surged in Loki’s chest. “You idiot—”

But Thor didn’t listen. He grabbed the nearest blunt object available—a metal pipe—and staggered toward Thanos. 

Loki only made it to the heap of wreckage so he could peer behind it. It was enough of a glimpse to see what happened next.

The Hulk was either dead or unconscious on the ground. Thor, in all his reckless stupidity, threw the pipe at Thanos. It was as effective as throwing a pillow at a brick wall.

Thanos, not at all bothered, smacked Thor across the room. As Thor tried to rise, the Maw raised several metallic beams to wrap around him, trapping him in place.

Loki’s heart was beating so fast it might burst. When Thanos’s focus had been on the Hulk, they’d had their window of escape. Now, with Thor’s idiotic move, attention had turned back to him. And the Maw, the one who had tortured everything out of Loki all those years ago, now had _Thor_ in his grasp.

Loki prayed they would kill the Hulk first. It would give him time to move to Thor’s aid. If they went after Thor first, all was lost.

But then, he got the chance he needed. The Bifrost was summoned to life, whisking the Hulk away.

Loki knew who had done it. And he knew what now awaited Heimdall. But he couldn’t afford to think about it. He had his chance, he had to get to Thor _now_.

He darted forward to crouch behind Thor. His magic started feeling out the binds that held the metal around his brother. It was strong, much stronger than he’d ever encountered from a telekinetic being. He would need all his concentration to break through it.

But before he could begin, he heard the unmistakable sound of a blade piercing a body. Followed by Thor’s despairing scream.

Loki squeezed his eyes shut against it. For all their past differences, Heimdall had been a good friend, to him and to Thor. And now his last act was to protect them, as well as their mortal companion.

But Loki couldn't grieve now. He had work to do.

He had to pause his work, however, when Thor started raving about how Thanos would die for what he’d done. The Maw returned his attention to his captive, now adding a makeshift muzzle to the bonds. A strange surge of gratitude for the creature flared in Loki’s chest. Now that the Maw had shut Thor up, Loki wouldn’t have any more distractions.

So he began to work. Still crouched behind Thor, he worked his fingers in complicated patterns at a dizzying pace. He muttered incantations to seep his own magic into the metallic bonds, all while trying to remain undetected. Fortunately, Thanos and his servants appeared distracted for the moment, leaving Loki to his task.

He was thrown off for a second when a shock of blue light pulsed throughout the room. Distantly, he surmised it was from the Space Stone. _Don’t think about that. You just have to get Thor free. Focus._

__

__

But now, his peripheral awareness realized that Thanos’s servants were being assigned new tasks. And one of those tasks could be to dispose of Thor.

And with the Hulk and Heimdall gone, Loki had run out of allies to provide him with diversions. So he had to conjure his own.

With a fortifying breath, he twisted his fingers to summon the best solid projection he could muster. He made it arrogant and quick-witted, to draw as much focus as he could.

It was quite the task to maintain both the projection _and_ his spells to undo the Maw’s hold on Thor. Loki could feel his energy stores draining away. But he was getting close. Just a few more seconds, he just had to work for a few more seconds, and—

He froze.

He couldn’t move his fingers. He couldn’t move his arms. He couldn’t move his legs, he couldn’t turn his head, he couldn’t—

He flicked his eyes down at his arms. And his throat clenched in terror.

His arms were glowing blue on the edges. Held in the power of—

The Space Stone.

_No—_

__

__

Loki’s heartbeat spiked with each heavy footstep he heard thudding his way. He could see Thanos in his periphery now, leering down at him. In a panic, he tried to struggle free, but his limbs wouldn’t fucking _move—_

__

__

“You always were full of tricks,” Thanos said. Then there was a hand—an ungloved hand—around Loki’s throat. Then it was lifting him, _dangling him in the air in front of Thor—_

__

__

“But,” Thanos said with a soft smile, “you never could trick me.”

The hand tightened around Loki’s throat. _Squeezed._

__

__

Loki struggled for breath. His lungs wouldn’t fill. His vision blurred. 

All his throat managed was pathetic, weak noises. 

He clawed at the hand, his legs kicked out of their own accord. But it was no use.

Until…it was. When the hand suddenly relaxed.

Loki gasped in air, again, and again. All he could focus on was his breath. He didn’t know what had caused Thanos to let him have it again, but he would take it.

When his head had cleared enough to notice Thanos, he saw the Titan shaking his head with an amused grin. He was chuckling. The sound made Loki’s guts twist in knots.

Finally, Thanos gave voice to his amusement. “Why is it, whenever our paths cross…” He fixed Loki with a knowing stare. “…you’re carrying your brother’s child?”

Loki’s eyes grew wide with fear.

He wasn’t—his stomach wasn’t showing enough to—but Thanos had seen—

***** 

Thanos’s grin widened, as he slowly and surely raised the Gauntlet. The Power Stone gleamed brighter.

He brought it to Loki’s belly. 

Loki _howled._

__

__

He sobbed, babbled out pleas for Thanos to stop. His limbs spasmed from the sheer energy being pumped into his body. 

This pain was far worse than what had happened in the cell. He was going to fall apart, it was going to _incinerate_ him—

It seemed like eons that Thanos pressed that power into his abdomen. When he released it, Loki was still wailing and convulsing in his grip.

A familiar wave of pain wracked his belly. A cramp. No, worse, a contra—

_No…_

__

__

But Thanos wasn’t done. He raised the Gauntlet again. This time the Space Stone lit up. What purpose could the Space Stone have now—

A blue-rimmed portal appeared next to Thanos’s hand. And a trickle of blood dripped out of it.

Thanos reached his gloved hand into the portal. Loki _screamed._ Something was _inside_ him, what was—

When Thanos withdrew his hand, Loki felt something rip from him. He howled as it tore from his insides.

Through his tears, he could barely see what Thanos was holding in his Gauntlet-covered hand. Just that it was small, and wet, and dripping blood.

Loki wailed himself hoarse as he realized what it was.

Still with that leer in his eyes, Thanos threw it to the ground. It landed with a wet _splat_ at Thor’s feet.

Only then did Loki register Thor’s muffled screams.

When Thanos dropped Loki to the ground as well, he hardly felt the impact. It was nothing compared to the agony that still wracked his body from the Stone. He shuddered, his eyes unseeing.

He knew Thor and…what else Thanos had dropped…were behind him. At least he didn’t have to see either one.

Still quietly sobbing, he didn’t hear much of what Thanos or his minions said next. He heard the Maw’s voice, asking a question. But he did hear Thanos’s smirking reply: “They’re both dead already.”

Then they vanished. Violet flames consumed the edges of Loki’s vision. The Power Stone’s energy, engulfing the ship.

He tried heaving in breath through his sobs. It was still hard to draw in air. His throat, chest, and belly still hurt. Everything hurt.

He felt a hand on his chest. Then a rasping, broken voice whispered, “No, _Loki_.” His brother’s voice. He clung to it in his mind, his last shred of sanity before the end.

Thor clung to him, too. Through each of their sobs, Thor rested his head on Loki’s chest. Holding his little brother close as their world exploded around them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has violence (it is Thanos, after all), including a violent murder of an unborn baby. If you want to skip this chapter that's okay, that's basically all you need to know. Otherwise, everything in this scene plays out as it did in Infinity War, but with the mother's death replaced with that of the baby :(


	20. The Guardians

Everything hurt. And something was pricking his arm.

He kept fading away from the edge of consciousness and back. All he was aware of was the pain. Then he started hearing something; it took him a few tries to realize it was different people’s voices.

“How the hell are these dudes still alive?” That voice was whiny, from a younger man’s.

“This one is not a dude. _You’re_ a dude.” That voice was deeper, older. “This, this is a _man_. A handsome, muscular man.”

“Yeah?” That voice was slimy, more nasal. “What about that one?”

The deeper voice again: “That one is too skinny for my interest.”

“Your interest?” That one was a woman’s voice. It sounded familiar to Loki, but not in a good way. “Drax, what do you think we picked them up for?”

Deeper Voice’s reply sounded defensive: “I was merely stating my opinions on what they look like.”

“I’m muscular!” Whiny Voice whined, trying to recapture everyone’s attention.

The others started to bicker with him, but Loki couldn’t hold onto their words long enough to understand them. He was fading again. Good. Maybe the pain would fade, too.

But, as ever, the universe wouldn’t even let him have this reprieve. Soon a hand touched his forehead, and a voice spoke inside his mind: _“Wake.”_

__

__

His consciousness snapped back to him at full force. When his eyes flew open, it was to meet five pairs of eyes looking down at him. Two men, one woman, an insectoid, and some kind of furry mammal. 

“You good?” one of the men asked him, the one with the whiny voice. “You lost a lot of blood, we had to use one of our Transfusion Packs on you. Hope it was the right type.”

Loki looked to his arm. Just as Whiny Voice had said, a half-empty Transfusion Pack was attached to his elbow crease. That explained what was poking his arm.

The mention of blood loss brought back the memory of what was causing his pain. But he managed to stifle his sob, and blinked away the tears that sprang to his eyes. He wouldn’t do this in front of strangers.

Though his body protested, he tried to sit up. But the protests won; he started gasping in agony as his abdomen burned with each movement.

_“Loki.”_

__

__

Strong hands were on his shoulders then, easing him back down. Loki started shaking with all the grief that was stirred to life upon feeling those hands, and hearing that voice.

He couldn’t fight the strength of Thor’s hands forcing him to lie down again. All he could manage was to avoid looking at him. That at least gave him some form of protection.

“Get him something to elevate his legs,” Thor said. Loki hated how he could catch the trembling in Thor’s voice.

The others managed to find some box to position underneath Loki’s feet. The shifting made him realize his trousers were soaked in blood. He could conjure some new ones when he regained his strength. For now, all he could do was lie helpless, as the transfused blood worked its way to his vital organs.

Thor’s hand stayed anchored on his shoulder. Loki wished he had the strength, let alone the courage, to shake that hand away. All it did was remind him of everything.

“He’ll be okay,” the woman said to Thor. “Would you like something to eat?”

Speaking of reminding Loki of unpleasant memories, he suddenly remembered where he’d seen that woman before.

It was the green-skinned woman. Thanos’s daughter. Gamora. The one who had given him her jacket when—

“Yes, thank you,” Thor murmured. He sounded distracted. His hand tightened on Loki’s shoulder.

“Your brother will be okay,” she said again, as if reassuring Thor in his troubled state.

“Brother?” the older man asked. Loki thought he remembered him being called ‘Drax’. “What are you talking about, Gamora? It is obvious they are lovers.”

Gamora didn’t respond. Neither did Thor. It made for a few seconds of awkward silence.

Loki suddenly felt a different hand on his shoulder. It was the insectoid woman. Her antenna moved forward and glowed on the ends. From what Loki could see of her, she was also reaching a hand to Thor.

Her head tilted as she looked down in thought. Tears started collecting in her wide-pupiled eyes. All of her companions seemed to be anticipating her words for some reason.

“They feel many things for one another,” she said. “Love, strong love. Affection. Lust. Jealousy. Loss, and guilt. And anger.”

Loki closed his eyes. As if it weren’t bad enough to feel all those emotions, he had to have them spelled out in front of him, Thor, and a room full of strangers. Just brilliant.

“I cannot tell,” she continued, “if their love is of a brotherly or a romantic nature.”

Thor knocked away her hands. “Then why can’t you just _ask_ us?” he growled. The woman’s antenna drooped at the chastisement. She shuffled away.

Loki heard the clattering of a spoon in a bowl. Gamora must have given Thor the promised food. That must be why his hand left Loki’s shoulder, to take the bowl. He loudly slurped down some of the victuals.

“If you must know,” Thor muttered, “we are both. Brothers and lovers.”

It was quiet for a beat before the nasally-voiced mammal said, “Ooo…kay.” Another pause. “Well, if you’re gonna be freaky like that, might as well stay here in the freak show for a while.”

xxx

Loki eventually regained the strength to sit up. He’d conjured new trousers for himself, and magicked away the rest of the bloodstains on his skin. He sat against the wall of this small ship, arms clutched around himself. Holding himself together.

He caught himself several times reaching to caress his belly. He had to stop himself each time, as he remembered there wasn’t anyone growing inside him anymore. No one to soothe or talk to.

It still didn’t feel real, that his baby was gone. That it had been _ripped out of him_. He wasn’t feeling the immediate devastation that the first one had wrought. He didn’t feel anything but a slow, creeping ache deep in his soul. 

If that ache had its way, he knew the agony would tow him under and devour him piece by piece. He wouldn’t be able to handle it. He’d lose his mind and never regain it. So, he would stave it off for as long as he could. Hence him silencing his silver tongue, sitting quietly in the corner.

He shouldn’t be alive right now. This little band of marauders should have picked up Thor and left Loki for dead. It would have been easier than this. But fate never gave him the easy route.

He looked around the little ship. The whiny-voiced man was a half-human named Quill. He kept giving Thor dirty looks. Loki understood it. It took a man comfortable in his own masculinity to be around Thor and not squirm in his presence. Thor radiated power and dominance, even in his most vulnerable moments. 

The man named Drax seemed to understand that. He kept sweeping his eyes over Thor’s arms and chest in clear admiration. It might have bothered Loki if he weren’t grappling with this black hole threatening to swallow his heart.

A small, tree-like creature was lounging in a chair near Loki. He was a Groot, though he must be only a teenager. He was absorbed in some handheld game. He hadn’t acknowledged Loki’s or Thor’s presence.

The insectoid woman—Mantis—and the mammal—Rocket—were listening to what Gamora was saying. Once Thor had told them that Thanos was the cause of the Asgardian massacre, she had started telling them what she knew of that monster.

Loki didn’t care much about whether or not Thanos wiped out half the universe. His own universe had already split at the seams.

His breath nearly caught on a sob at that thought. He forced it down. It would hurt too much to sink into the loss.

That was why, this whole time they’d been on this ship, he hadn’t looked at Thor. He knew Thor was trying to catch his eye, looking at him every so often to make sure he was alright. Loki avoided his gaze each time.

But he was shaken from his thoughts when Thor mentioned Thanos again, and Drax indicated Gamora, saying, “This is the daughter of Thanos.”

The air in the ship changed, becoming sharper, as Thor glared at Gamora. Even when he was in an environment without an atmosphere, Thor’s emotions could still charge static in the air.

“Your father killed my son,” he uttered lowly, as he rose and prowled over to Gamora.

He ended up comforting her about her unfortunate family life, only to be interrupted by an insecure Quill. But Loki couldn’t hear their conversation over the roaring of his own heartbeat.

A son.

He hadn’t seen. But Thor had.

Why did that detail carry so much significance?

He wanted to break down screaming and crying, clawing at the walls and blasting everything away from him with his magic. He wanted the universe to howl with the agony he felt.

But he forced it down. He couldn’t let it consume him. Not here, not now. He trembled as he tried to contain it, but at least that was the only outward sign of his anguish.

Quill kept insisting he knew Gamora’s pain of family tragedy better than Thor, saying, “No, I feel your pain!” 

“No.”

The voice came from Drax. Loki hadn’t realized he was standing so near to him. The man was looking from Loki, to Thor, and back again, with a solemnity in his face Loki hadn’t before seen in him.

“I am the one who feels pain like yours,” Drax said softly. He looked down. “I too have lost a child to Thanos.”

Loki’s throat clenched with that knowledge. But at least it had shut Quill up.

“My daughter was too young to know of the horrors lurking in the universe,” Drax continued. “She did not understand what was happening. That was my only consolation.” He looked at Loki again. A quiet grief lurked in his eyes. “I hope your son was also too young, so his life was filled with only happy memories.”

It took a great effort for Loki to breathe evenly after hearing that. His voice trembled as he replied, “He was too young.”

Drax nodded.

“He had spent seventeen weeks in my womb, before Thanos ripped him out of me.”

Everyone looked to him in shock. 

Rocket winced. Mantis’s antenna drooped; she looked like she might start crying. Even Groot looked up from his game with a concerned expression.

Gamora looked down with a defeated sigh. Loki could guess her thoughts: _It had happened again, and I couldn’t stop it._

__

__

“Jesus Christ,” Quill murmured, the fight for dominance temporarily suspended, as he looked at Thor and Loki in sympathy.

Drax touched a hand to Loki’s shoulder. His eyes were laden with sorrow. “I am very sorry, for your loss,” he murmured.

Loki just nodded. What else was there to say?

Thor, apparently, was on the same page. Rather than saying anything, he stood up and headed over to the control panel at the rear of the ship. Muttering to himself as he tried to guess the access code to the attached pod.

When the others asked him where he thought he was going, Thor explained his plan: go to Nidavellir, have the dwarves craft a weapon to kill Thanos, and face off against the Titan again. He even smiled as he spoke to Rocket about him joining the quest.

Something cold grew in Loki’s heart as he saw that dazzling grin. It wasn’t eased when Thor put a hand on his back to usher him into the pod.

Thor wasn’t going to grieve with him. He’d abandoned Loki to that task.


	21. Nidavellir

The pod was even more cramped than the ship, even with fewer people on it. Loki didn’t mind too much, though. He was still sitting in one spot, at the back of the pod. With each star they passed, he wished they could stop at one of them, find a barren asteroid, and hide there for the rest of time. 

Instead, they were preparing for another battle. One they would surely lose. And yet Thor’s mind had been set to the task, so there was no talking him out of it. Loki knew his brother well enough to know that.

But Rocket didn’t. He tried talking to Thor. Loki sighed inwardly, and angled his body further away from the pair. Throwing himself out the airlock might be more bearable than listening to another self-righteous speech from Thor.

He was surprised, though, to hear Thor recount their losses.

Son and daughter, dead.

Father and sister, dead.

Mother, dead. Best friends, dead.

People, half-dead. Home, destroyed.

Loki’s heart grew colder with each one. But he felt a flicker of warmth when he heard Thor’s voice start to break when speaking of it all. Loki really was a terrible, selfish man, if proof of his brother’s heartache was all that soothed his own grief.

“You’re sure you’re up to this particular murder mission?” Rocket asked Thor. Loki wondered the same thing.

But if he was waiting for Thor to break into sobs, he was disappointed. All Thor broke into was a wide grin. “Absolutely! Rage, vengeance, anger, loss, regret—they’re all tremendous motivators. They really clear the mind, so I’m good to go.”

Loki wanted nothing more than to punch Thor in his perfect face. Maybe yank out his remaining eye. Because the idiot must be blind already, if he thought everything was ‘good to go’!

Rocket expressed similar skepticism. Loki was starting to like the creature more and more, even with how crass and unrefined he was. And when he mentioned how powerful the new hammer needed to be, Thor stilled. Finally.

“You know, I’m fifteen hundred years old,” Thor said. “I’ve killed twice as many enemies as that, and every one of them would have rather killed me, but none succeeded. I’m only alive because fate wants me alive.”

At that sentence, Loki knew this was going nowhere. When Thor started talking about how he was favored by _fate…_

__

__

“Thanos is just the latest in a long line of bastards,” Thor continued, “and he’ll be the latest to feel my vengeance. Fate wills it so—”

_“Will you shut up?”_

__

__

Thor and Rocket both startled to Loki. Loki knew he probably looked pathetic and weak, curled up against the windows with his arms around himself. But it didn’t stop him from glaring at Thor.

Rocket started backing away. “Yeah, you two probably have a lot to talk about,” he mumbled. Clever creature.

Thor looked away from Loki with a barely-suppressed sigh. Loki’s jaw clenched. Two could play at that game; he also looked away, back out the windows.

“Am I wrong for wanting to kill him?” Thor asked.

Loki scoffed. “You’re wrong for thinking it’ll solve everything.”

Thor’s answering silence scored Loki a victory. But only for so long, when Thor said softly, “There’s not anything that can bring our children back. But they both died because of Thanos. We kill him, and our family will be safe.”

“Our _family?”_ Loki was incredulous enough to face Thor again. When he saw the caution in Thor’s face, he knew Thor was insinuating what he’d thought he’d heard. “Do you really think I’d ever want to risk going through this again?”

“Loki…”

“I can’t do it, Thor.” Fuck, his voice was the first to waver. “I _can’t_.”

He had to look away, lest Thor see the tears threatening to spill over. Thor had probably heard them in his voice, anyway.

Thor sighed, and shifted to face Loki more directly, even though Loki didn’t look at him in return. “I’m not saying we have to decide that now.”

Oh, Loki was ready to _murder_ him at that comment.

“Right now,” Thor continued, “we just need to—”

“To what?” Loki spat. “Take revenge?”

“What else is left for us to do, after he killed our son?”

Loki’s eyes closed at that last word. When he’d composed himself as best he could, he slowly turned to Thor. 

“Our _son?”_ he uttered.

Thor just looked at him. Until finally, _finally_ it dawned on him what he’d said. What knowledge he’d inflicted on Loki.

“Loki, I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t think—”

“You’re right, you didn’t think,” Loki snarled. “You _never_ do!” 

But watching Thor recoil from the cruel words didn’t help. Loki looked away, shaking his head. He felt so helpless.

“You want to take revenge, to try to kill Thanos, _fine,_ ” Loki bit out. “Just do it in a smart way. You know what he’s capable of now, and with each new Stone he obtains, he’ll only grow stronger. Running at him with just a replacement for Mjolnir is nothing short of suicide.”

Thor’s eye flitted down. When he looked back up, Loki saw for the first time since Thanos’s attack how broken Thor was inside.

“At this point,” Thor said in an unsteady voice, “what more could I lose?”

Loki just stared at him as Thor wiped away the beginnings of tears. He understood now why Thor’s behavior was making him so angry.

“And what about what _I_ could lose?” Thor looked at him, his mouth set in a guilty, flat line. But Loki didn’t let up. “Did you ever stop to think of that?”

Thor swallowed. He opened his mouth to reply ( _this better be good_ , Loki thought), but before he could say anything, an alarm went off at the front of the pod. Thor ‘reluctantly’ left to go see what it was.

Loki went too, against his better judgment. He hadn’t laid eyes on Nidavellir in a few hundred years. Hopefully, it was as incredible as he remembered, so it could furnish Thor with the weapon he needed.

xxx

Well, the good news was that Thor had a new right eyeball.

(Sure, Loki had to mutter a cleaning spell over it as Thor stuck it in his face. And it would take Loki some getting used to, as Thor’s eyes were now two different colors. Infuriatingly, he still looked gorgeous. Damn him.)

Nidavellir, however, was shaping up to be another disaster for them.

The neutron star had gone dark, and Eitri was all that was left of the dwarves. Thanos’s cruelty had even reached this near-mythic corner of the universe. And yet Thor still thought it a good idea to try forging the legendary Stormbreaker regardless.

Loki stood by Eitri as they watched Thor and Rocket start up the forge again. When they managed it, Eitri remarked, “Your brother is still quite the headstrong boy.”

“‘Thick-skulled’ is the way I would put it,” Loki replied. “But, yes.”

Eitri chuckled. “And you are still quite the silver-tongue.”

A beam of pure sunlight blasted into the smithy. Eitri grinned up at it, but Loki shuddered. Even from this distance, his Jotun blood cringed from the intense heat. He could almost feel the molten steel dripping onto his back—

Then he felt relief. But not for a good reason; the star had gone dark again.

As Thor and Eitri shouted out to each other about it, the dwarf looked ready to give up and slink back into a depression. Loki felt a kindred spirit in him.

But then Thor gave voice the stupidest idea of his entire life:

“I’m gonna hold it open.”

No. He’d never be able to do it. He couldn’t survive it. Eitri told him as much, but Thor was adamant it was what needed to be done.

But then the truth came to Loki, of what _really_ needed to be done.

“Throw me out to him,” he told Eitri.

Eitri nodded, scooping Loki up into his giant hand. “Perhaps you can talk some sense into him,” he said, and threw Loki toward the pod.

Well…Loki wasn’t sure ‘sense’ was the right word for it.

He managed to land neatly on top of the pod. Eitri must have played sports as a child, with an aim like that. 

As soon as Thor saw him, he frowned. “You’re not talking me out of this.”

“Thor—”

“We need that axe, and the only way to make it is if I hold the forge open.”

“You’ll never survive it.”

Thor didn’t say anything to that. He just turned away from Loki, preparing to jump to the star’s gates.

So Loki finished his thought: “Not if you do this alone.”

Thor froze. When he moved, he slowly turned to face Loki, his mouth agape.

When his wits returned to him, he shook his head. “No.”

“I can give you the few minutes you need to—”

_“I’m not letting you throw away your life on this.”_

__

__

“And what exactly were _you_ about to do?” Loki shot back.

“You’re—” Thor lowered his voice, hesitating. “You’re a Frost Giant. It’ll kill you before it kills me.”

That was enough to also make Loki hesitate. He knew Thor was probably right. And it wouldn’t be a quick, painless death. 

But his being a Frost Giant was the key to all of this. “I’ll be able to cool you down, so you’ll have a chance.”

“Loki—”

“You’re the King of Asgard,” Loki said. “You’re the one who will be able to wield the axe.” He shrugged. “You’re the one who has to survive this.”

Thor looked away. He didn’t say anything to that for a while. He probably didn’t want to have to admit that.

When he did speak, it was with a humorless chuckle. “It might be that neither one of us will survive this.”

Loki chuckled too, and it was just as joyless a sound. “Well, we’ve survived up to this point, haven’t we?”

Thor looked back to him. It was with a slight grin. Loki met it with his own. He knew as much as Thor did that they were both smiling to hide how scared they were.

Still, Thor nodded in agreement of the plan. He held out his hand to Loki.

Loki took it, and they leapt to the forge’s gates together.

xxx

When Loki heard Eitri’s reply to Thor’s comment ‘Only if I die,’ he muttered under his breath, “Thank you, Eitri.”

Thor glanced at him out the corner of his new eyeball. “For what?”

“For assuring me I’m not the only one who thinks you spout the most inane bullshit.”

Thor chuckled. But it quickly faded. “You ready?”

There was no real answer to that. Even if he wasn’t a Frost Giant, and even if he hadn’t been tortured with heat before, Loki would probably never be ready to take the full force of a star through his skin.

But, he would be exposed to this heat for a purpose. And he wouldn’t be facing it alone. So he gave Thor a tight nod.

They braced themselves on each other, with one arm slung around the other’s back. Loki’s other palm was already sweating as it clutched his side of the gate.

“On three,” Thor said. “One…”

Loki tightened his grip on the gate.

“Two…”

He tightened his grip on the back of Thor’s neck. A wordless promise.

“Three!”

They wrenched open the gates together. And immediately, the agony ripped through Loki, as the star began charring his skin off his bones.

He had to bully his Jotun flesh out of hiding. In his Aesir skin, he wasn’t as sensitive to heat, so he would last longer as a pale Asgardian than a blue Frost Giant.

But the moment he heard Thor’s screams beside him, any doubts in Loki’s mind were silenced. He dredged up his true flesh and focused all his energy on Thor. Willing the ice to coat his brother’s back to protect him.

But it burned. It _burned!_ It burned like the Maw had kept burning him, pressing red-hot blades into his body to brand him. His desperate nerve endings kept trying to sheath themselves in ice, trying to regenerate ahead of the incineration, but that just made it hurt _worse…_

__

__

All he could do was scream. Hold onto the gate to keep it open. Hold onto Thor to protect him. And scream.

He could feel his flesh bubbling in purple blisters, peeling away to reveal his bones and sinews on his back. It hurt, it hurt! He couldn’t keep doing this!

His vision was tunneling. He kept his focus on where his hand clasped Thor’s neck. Thor was screaming too, gripping him just as tightly, anchoring him to his purpose.

He could keep going. Just a little longer. Just stay alive a little longer, for Thor, for the axe, for their babies…

He didn’t register his hand slipping from the gate, or how his center of gravity shifted when he pitched forward, falling into the smithy. All he noticed was when he let go of Thor’s neck, before everything went dark.


	22. Strength of the Allfathers

There was a clump of grass in front of his face. Its sweet, earthy scent filled his nose with each breath. Sunlight was shining behind his closed eyelids.

He opened them. There was the grass. And a few feet away, there was Thor, also lying in…

…in the field in Norway?

That was where they were. But how the Hel had they gotten here?

Loki rolled onto his side. He was surprised how none of his movements hurt him. The Power Stone’s effects, and that of the neutron star, no longer hindered him.

That didn’t make sense, until he saw who was standing several yards away from him and Thor.

“No matter how many times you would fall,” Odin said, “you always managed to pick yourself up.”

Loki was knocked speechless from seeing his father. He still wore the same plainclothes they’d seen him in last. Before he’d…

Oh. That’s why Loki and Thor were here.

He rose up to one knee as he looked around. This didn’t seem like the Valhalla of the songs. There was no golden feasting hall in sight, no fallen warriors of a thousand generations welcoming their arrival. It seemed the afterlife was just as disappointing as what came before.

Thor seemed to be on the same page. “Is this Valhalla?”

Odin just chuckled. He looked around at the field with a certain wistfulness.

“This is the realm of the Allfathers,” he said. “A place where my father spoke to me in my moments of peril, and his father spoke to him. A king needs strength to carry on. And sometimes only another king can provide that strength.”

“And sometimes,” came a voice behind Odin, “it requires more than just a king.”

If Loki weren’t dead already (which he couldn’t tell if he actually was), his heart would have stopped upon hearing that voice.

Odin smiled, and took Frigga’s hand when she walked over to his side. She also wore the clothing she had died in. Though her Asgardian gown and breastplate contrasted sharply with Odin’s Midgardian attire, they still fit together perfectly.

Frigga smiled down at Thor and Loki. “My sons, you have come so far. I am so proud of you both.”

Loki’s breath caught. There was so much he wanted to say to her, to both of them. “I’m sorry—”

She held up a hand to hush him. “You needn’t be,” she said. The way she looked at him then made him feel like she could stare into his soul. “Of all the deaths in our family the last several years, neither one of you were responsible for any of them.”

Loki had to struggle for his next even breath. Some long-buried wounds in his heart ached a little less at her words.

“All the deaths?” Thor asked.

Loki looked at Thor, who glanced back at him. Loki then realized which tiny lost lives Thor was referring to.

And the secret they’d hidden from their parents for so long, implied by the existence of those little lives.

But when they cautiously looked back up to their parents, they were met by expressions of calmness and warmth. Not looks of approval, exactly, but more of a…lukewarm acceptance.

“It is not the business of the dead,” Odin said, “to thwart the hearts of the living.” His smile turned more earnest. “Nor that of a father, to impede the happiness of his sons. I have assumed that role for far too long.”

Loki didn’t know what to say to that. He’d never expected to hear his father speak of his past failings out loud.

Odin and Frigga looked to each other. Loki knew that look, as did Thor; it was when their parents were silently debating telling them something.

They must have decided to go ahead, for Odin looked back to his sons. “We decided against bringing them here. Their spirits are still too fragile. But we wanted you to know that they are with us, in Valhalla.”

“Who?” Thor asked.

But Loki gasped in a sobbing breath, as understanding dawned on him. A second later, it dawned on Thor, as well.

“They are not suffering anymore,” Odin said. “We are taking care of them.”

Frigga’s composure broke, as she burst into a smile and her eyes grew misty. “They are so beautiful,” she half-whispered. “Both of them.”

Loki had to bow his head as his first tears fell. They slid along his nose, and landed in the grass beneath him.

Thor took his hand. When Loki looked at him, his eyes were also welling with tears.

“Thor,” Odin said. Both Thor and Loki looked back up to him. “When you were last here, I told you that you are stronger than me. And that is true. But now, as your greatest battle is still before you, you must be stronger still.

“So remember, both of you, where you are the strongest. Whether as brothers, as warriors, as leaders, or as parents.”

He smiled. “You are each strongest when you are together.”

He let his words sink in for them both, before he and Frigga began to walk away.

But Loki shook his head, as something still didn’t make sense. “If this is the realm of the Allfathers…”

His parents turned back to him.

“…why did I come here with Thor? I don’t understand.”

Odin and Frigga grinned at him. Frigga raised an eyebrow. “Do you not?”

Then they were fading away from him and Thor. The very landscape was stretching, as their parents passed beyond their reach.

But Loki couldn’t help reaching out to them, nor could Thor. Even as white light obscured Loki’s vision, and a newfound strength flowed into his veins, he tried to call them back.

Until something answered the call of his outstretched hand. But it wasn’t his parents.

xxx

It was the handle of a large axe.

_The_ axe. The one they’d nearly died to create. 

Or rather, half of it. Eitri’s mold had been for two pieces of uru, a blade and a hammer, joined together by the handle. This weapon only had the blade, which crackled with arcs of his green magic. And the handle looked suspiciously like one of Groot’s arms.

But that was Loki’s only concern in his current situation. He felt more alive than he’d ever been. A new power flowed through his blood.

Judging by his ability to wield the axe, it was the power of the Allfathers. 

Looking around him now, that power had wrought many changes while he and Thor were near death. It had clothed them in their battle armor and royal capes, for one. And it had summoned the Bifrost, as Eitri had said it could, bringing them to where they were needed.

From the look of their surroundings, it was somewhere on Earth. Not the happiest of places for Loki to be, but he could handle it. He felt like he could handle _anything_ now, like some magical potential in him was unlocked for the first time.

He glanced at Thor. He looked so radiant, so unstoppable. More of a force of nature than he’d ever been, even more than at the Battle of Asgard.

The battle around them had stopped, as humans and monsters alike looked in awe at their (no doubt impressive) entrance. Loki noticed that the Outriders were among them.

Oh, this was going to be _fun._

He and Thor headed out toward the battle. _“Bring me Thanos!”_ Thor roared. Loki joined him in charging headlong into the fray, Rocket and Groot right behind them.

Loki leapt with Thor into the air, hovering over a mass of Outriders. Apparently they could fly with these weapons. Good to know.

As they rose, Loki called on all his power. His magic as a sorcerer, and his ice powers as a Frost Giant, flew out in green-white waves all around him, mingling with the blue-white of Thor’s lightning. 

With matching battle cries, they brought both halves of Stormbreaker down with all their might onto the battlefield. Their combined powers incinerated every Outrider in a hundred-foot radius.

However long this battle had raged, it would be over soon. The Kings of Asgard had arrived. And they would have their revenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for what the final battle of Infinity War should've been! Because unlike Feige and the Russos, I'm a Marvel storyteller who's not a fucking COWARD.


	23. Wakanda

Loki had grown up fighting side-by-side with Thor. They had honed their skills together, compensating for each other’s disadvantages and blind spots as they destroyed their enemies in a flurry of magic and lightning. That was also why they were so good at fighting each other: they knew each other’s weak points.

Now they were back on the same side. Though this wasn’t a fight.

This was a _dance._

__

__

They weaved through the battlefield, meeting, parting, and meeting again. Thor clobbered Outriders left and right with the hammer end of Stormbreaker, and threw lightning at those he couldn’t reach. Loki cleaved them in two with the axe, shooting ice shards and magic from his fingertips. 

They would throw their halves of Stormbreaker to each other when they needed to dual-wield them. Loki could summon his own blades, and Thor got on well enough just punching Outriders across the field. Their respective storms provided them enough cover in the meantime.

Some part of Loki was surprised he didn’t freeze once he saw the Outriders. But with the power he now possessed, and with Thor by his side in equal strength, he had nothing to fear from them. He relished how he could slice them to pieces now.

At one point, he met up with Thor on the battlefield once again, where they destroyed a column of twenty Outriders in a row. They split them all in half, gushing their black blood everywhere.

“These things are disgusting,” Thor commented.

“You don’t know the half of it,” Loki said. As he passed by Thor to head for another group of monsters, he murmured in Thor’s ear, “Their seed was what burned away my womb years ago.”

His words had the predicted effect: a second later, Thor’s lightning was exploding out across the battlefield, unpredictable in all but its sheer destruction. Loki later saw him hammering an Outrider’s brains in with vicious delight.

Loki was of a similar mind. There was something so satisfying about slaughtering the beasts that had tortured and violated him for months on end. His and Thor’s vengeance against Thanos would be for their children, but each Outrider he slew was avenging another piece of his womb they’d burned away.

But as they thinned the Outriders’ ranks, Loki started noticing the other side of the battlefield. Though technically, he supposed it was his side, too. 

The humans were looking at him in awe and confusion. Awe, because of his power; confusion, because they’d last seen him trying to conquer their planet. He wasn’t supposed to be one of their last-minute saviors.

Loki paid them little mind, at first. But he soon stumbled upon familiar faces.

Agent Romanoff looked up at him once. He made the mistake of catching her eye. She might have given him an unsure smile before he flew away to another corner of the battlefield. He was too far away to be certain.

Tony Stark’s colonel friend was flying around the fray as well. When Loki intercepted a leaping Outrider about to claw him from the sky, the man did a double-take in his mask. “Shit, man, you’d better not be about to triple-cross anyone today!” was all he said, before he took off again. 

Bruce Banner was of course more enthusiastic about seeing Loki again. Loki wasn’t sure why he was in a gigantic version of an Iron Man suit rather than just being the Hulk, but he didn’t care enough to ask.

“Hey, man!” Banner called out to him, waving a giant robotic hand. “You and Thor are kicking ass!”

“I thank you for noticing,” Loki said dryly.

After he took out another bunch of Outriders, Banner asked him, “You sure you’re okay to be out here fighting, though?”

Loki looked at him in confusion. What did he mean by tha—

Oh.

That’s right. Banner had left the ship before…before it had happened. He didn’t know.

But Loki was not about to have an emotional breakdown in the middle of this fight. He didn’t care enough about Banner knowing, anyway. Let Thor handle that if he wanted, after this was done.

So, he stabbed an Outrider in the gut with one of his daggers, sliced another in half with his axe, and flung the bodies into three more with a blast of green magic. Banner just gaped at the display.

“Do I not look okay to be fighting?” Loki asked the mortal.

He didn’t wait for a reply to the rhetorical question; he flew away to vent his frustrations on some more of the creatures.

The creatures he chose happened to be near Thor. When they dispatched those in the vicinity, Thor grinned at him. “I asked the rabbit a few minutes ago about why there’s two axes,” he said.

Loki decided to ignore Thor’s ridiculous mislabeling of Rocket’s species. The man had lived on Earth for _two years_ , how did he not know what a rabbit looked like? “And?”

“He said Tree”—again with the odd nicknames—“gave one of his limbs for the handle, but he couldn’t hold onto”—they slew a few dozen more Outriders—"the heated axe head long enough to bring it together.”

That made sense. Stormbreaker had been the same temperature as the star that had nearly killed them. Groot was brave for even attempting to touch it.

“So,” Thor said, as Loki froze some Outriders for him to smash, “I was thinking we should divide the name in two.”

“What?”

Thor shattered the frozen beasts. “Storm and Breaker! So who gets what?”

Loki just gave him a long-suffering look. Thor looked like a child asking his mother for an extravagant gift for Yule, all wide eyes and a hopeful grin.

Loki rolled his eyes. He knew which one Thor preferred. “You’re the God of Thunder. You can have Storm.”

Thor’s face lit up. Figuratively at first. Then it lit up literally when he released more lightning onto an approaching bunch of Outriders. “Thank you, Brother!”

This was a battle, but for a moment, Loki had never felt more turned on in his life than when he saw Thor’s eyes glow with his power like that.

They kept moving through the battlefield together. At another lull in the fighting, Thor greeted Captain Rogers. Loki almost didn’t recognize the man with his beard (which Thor of course attributed to himself).

Rogers politely introduced himself to a nearby Groot—which Loki smirked at, considering Groot had actually said “I’m gonna shove my maplewood dick right through these motherfucking jizzwads’ assholes!” as he killed several Outriders in a row. Though he supposed Rogers had no prior exposure to speaking Groot.

Then Rogers turned to Loki. “So what, you’re on our side now?”

Loki tilted his head at him. “Is that a problem?”

Rogers looked around at the carnage of the battle. “The way I see it, I’ll take all the help we can get.”

“Don’t make the mistake of thinking I’m doing this to help you,” Loki said. “I’m sure Thor is glad to do so. But we came here for a far greater purpose.”

“Which is?”

Loki hurled a conjured dagger over his shoulder, killing a charging Outrider in one shot without even looking. The body rolled forward with its momentum, till it stopped at Rogers’ feet.

“Vengeance,” Loki said. And he took to the skies again to find more blood to spill.

xxx

The fight was winding down now. This meant that spilling more Outrider blood would put him in more direct contact with the humans on the ground. It irritated Loki. If he had his way, he’d kill every living soul in the vicinity, no matter the side. But he knew he’d never hear the end of it from Thor.

Instead, the more Outriders he killed, the more the humans would see him as a hero. Would they expect him to go around protecting them from every invading army after this, solving all their pathetic problems like they expected from Thor? Would they want him to join the damn _Avengers_ now? Infuriating. It could not be borne.

At least none of the regular human soldiers on the battlefield were stupid enough to approach him here. That is, except one.

He’d sliced the heads off a few more Outriders, then took a moment to survey the field, searching for his next quarry. And then he heard a loud laugh approaching him, saying, “Aren’t you the one who attacked New York City?”

Loki sighed. He figured it was only a matter of time before someone was foolish enough to ask him that. Though, when he got a look at him, perhaps this man had found little in his life to intimidate him. He was quite large for a human, perhaps a decorated warrior among his people.

“It was a long time ago,” Loki said.

“Yes,” the man said. “But I remember you! The angry little man. Challenging for a throne he was never meant to have.”

He had come right up to Loki, showing no hesitation. A true warrior then, if a damn fool.

“Everyone here in Wakanda was shocked that day,” the man said, “except for my tribe. I told them, ‘If there are other lifeforms beyond our planet, of course some of them are colonizers!’” He laughed. “So tell me, colonizer, what made you stop fighting for that throne you wanted so badly?”

What had stopped it? Loki would be hard-pressed to remember all the events of the six years since then, and distill them all for this human before they returned to the fight. So, he gave the simplest explanation he could offer: “I claimed a place beside that throne, which suited me much better.”

The man laughed again. But it didn’t sound mocking at all. “As have I,” he said.

Loki wasn’t sure what he meant by that. But he knew this part of Earth they’d landed in wasn’t in the same country as New York City, so perhaps Wakanda, like Asgard, was a monarchy.

The man extended his hand, and gave his name: “M’Baku.”

Strangely, Loki found himself shaking M’Baku’s hand. “Loki.”

M’Baku nodded a warrior’s respect. But a second later, he gave Loki a cheeky grin. Perhaps there was a spectrum of tolerability among the humans, and it ranged from M’Baku to Tony Stark.

But before Loki could contemplate that for too long, a sudden explosion from a faraway grove of trees drowned everything else out.

Loki and M’Baku looked out at the trees. “They must have destroyed it,” M’Baku said.

“Destroyed what?”

“The Stone.”

Loki shot him an skeptical look. “You can’t just destroy an Infinity Stone.”

“The Avengers can,” M’Baku said. “I heard King T’Challa speaking of it. They brought a woman with them with the power to do so.”

Loki thought on who that could be. He knew Thor had once told him of two humans who had been experimented on with the Mind Stone to unlock their own sorcery. But Loki had only been half-listening to Thor at the time.

Loki then saw the strangest thing happen before his eyes. The explosion… _reversed itself._

__

__

Which, if it had been from an Infinity Stone, meant only one person could have caused such a thing.

“Loki!”

Loki looked up. He’d last seen Thor destroying the ships which housed the last of the Outriders, but now he was flying toward the trees.

“I can see Thanos!” Thor shouted. “Pass me Breaker, I’ll only have one shot!”

Loki broke out in sweat at the mention of Thanos’s name. But he quickly complied, throwing Breaker to Thor’s waiting hand.

He could only watch as Thor channeled his lightning down to a spot within the trees. When a multicolored beam of energy shot back at him, he threw both Storm and Breaker to intercept it.

And the axes beat it back. They beat back _all six Infinity Stones._

__

__

Loki grinned with pride as Thor followed the weapons into the trees. Vengeance was theirs.

“You know,” M’Baku said, “for someone who doesn’t get along with his brother, you do look awfully proud of him.”

“He did just kill the most powerful being in the universe,” Loki said. But then he added quickly, “Don’t tell him I said that, though. It’ll go right to his head.”

M’Baku chuckled, though it was with a more muted joy. Loki quickly saw why, as the man looked out at his dead and wounded kin left on the battlefield. “Thanos’s forces killed many of my brothers and sisters this day. The man who kills him should enjoy his victory.”

He left Loki’s side then, to help one of the female warriors nearby lift one of their wounded brethren. Loki could understand his sadness. But he didn’t share in it. Humans died all the time; it was why they were called ‘mortals.’ Loki felt no sorrow upon witnessing it.

And it was a good thing, too. Because the next thing he knew, both the female warrior and the wounded soldier vanished before his eyes. 

M’Baku stumbled. He looked at his hand, which had been lifting the soldier only seconds ago. All that was left on it was…

…Were those _ashes?_

__

__

M’Baku looked to Loki, in a wordless plea for an explanation. But Loki had none.

Loki looked around. Everywhere, more and more humans were turning to ash, blowing away in the wind. There was no cry of pain preceding it, no sign it was about to happen. It just happened.

Loki knew all sorts of ways to kill people, and they all pointed to different motives. A single slice to the throat was an efficient, coldhearted murder. Burn marks from a blast of magic could be an unplanned act of self-defense. Frenzied laser fire past the point of lethality spoke of rage and vengeance.

But an otherwise-unexplained, painless vanishing?

This was calculated and dispassionate, but not cruel. As if the deaths were regrettable, yet necessary.

Which left only one perpetrator Loki knew of. Thanos had done what he’d set out to do, as Gamora had explained on the ship. Half of Earth’s population was turning to ash, all over the world. 

No, that wasn’t right. Not just half of life on Earth. Half of _all life in the universe._

__

__

Loki kept staring at his hands. He kept expecting for his own body to start crumbling away. He had failed Thanos once, after all. Surely the madman had him on his kill list. 

But it never happened. He stayed in one piece. Thanos must be more steadfast in his conviction than anyone Loki had ever met, to be truly leaving the selection of his victims to chance.

Wait.

If he had actually snapped his fingers after acquiring all six Stones, then Thor hadn’t—

Oh, no.

If the killing was truly random… 

Loki took off running across the battlefield, heading for the trees. He had to find Thor. _Now._


	24. After the Snap

Once Loki saw the Avengers, he slowed to a walk. He was afraid of what he would find.

He passed Rocket sitting on a log, quietly weeping. Captain Rogers was sitting on the ground nearby, next to the body of some gray humanoid creature. Banner, Romanoff, and the flying colonel were standing around him. They were all reacting as every other human was: reeling in shock, trying to process what had just happened.

“Where is Thor?” Loki asked them.

They looked up to him. They didn’t say anything. Loki hoped it was just from their inability to comprehend what had happened.

 _“Where is Thor?”_ he repeated. He hoped his voice didn’t waver. They could probably hear his heart hammering, it was beating so loudly.

Rogers looked away. No. No no no no no…

Loki looked around the forest. Surely Thor was standing nearby. This was where Thanos had reversed the explosion, where Thor had thrown their weapons. He had to be here somewhere, he _had_ to be… 

It was quiet. Far, far too quiet. 

But Loki had to stay calm. He would comb through every square inch of this forest until he found him. He would find him. Of course he would.

It turned out he didn’t have to look far. He saw Storm and Breaker lying on the ground, the uru heads smeared with purple blood.

And standing beside them was Thor. Staring down at the weapons. In one piece. _Alive._

__

__

Loki gasped. Thor turned to the sound. He also gasped when he saw Loki.

Loki ran to him, not caring about how it might look. He ran into his brother’s arms. They clung to one another so tightly they might squeeze the life out of each other.

“I thought—” Thor said, his voice breaking, “I thought you had—”

“I know,” Loki said into his shoulder. He sniffed. “I thought you had, too.”

Thor just hugged him harder, as if making sure he was really there, that he wasn’t going to crumble away. Loki ended up doing the same to Thor.

Loki just stood there for a long time in Thor’s crushing embrace. Thor was alive, and so was he. The world wasn’t alright, let alone the universe. But in this moment, Loki’s world was whole.

He opened his eyes, looking at their weapons lying beside them. “What happened?” he asked. “Were you too late?”

Thor didn’t reply for a while. “No,” he finally mumbled, “no, I…I managed to strike him. But then…then he snapped his fingers and—”

“It’s alright,” Loki hushed him. “He had all six Stones. I’m surprised our weapons could even pierce his skull.”

Thor went so still in his arms then. “I…”

But then he stopped talking. Though Loki was loathe to let him go in any capacity, he loosened his arms around Thor to look him in the eye. “What is it?”

Thor was looking down, avoiding his gaze. He tried several times to summon his voice again. “I…I hit him in the chest.”

Loki’s face fell.

Now it was his turn to fumble for words. “Wh…what?”

Thor finally met his eyes again. This was the first time in a while Loki had seen true fear in their depths. “I wanted you to be able to—”

Loki sliced him across the cheek with a dagger.

Though Thor took it, he looked shocked when he looked back to Loki. “Brother—”

 _“Don’t ‘Brother’ me!”_ Loki shouted. “You knew what you were doing when you threw it! You’ve been throwing Mjolnir around for centuries! _Why didn’t you aim for his head?”_

__

__

“Why?” Thor asked. Now his own fire was rising again, even as blood welled from the dagger wound. “Why do you think I did? It was for you!”

Loki tried to cut him again, but Thor caught his wrist. So Loki just shoved at him instead with his free hand. “Don’t you _dare_ act like I had anything to do with this! This was your doing, it was your fault!”

“And what he did to you was his doing!” Thor shouted. 

“Shut up—”

“I wanted him to suffer for what he did to you! For what he put you through, what _his monsters_ put you through, how they tore away at your insides—”

 _“You think this was about my honor?”_ Loki bellowed, his vision swarming with red. “You think if I had been the one to throw the axes, I wouldn’t have dealt him a killing blow? After what he did to me, how could I have wanted him anything other than _dead_ as soon as possible?”

 _“I TOOK REVENGE!”_ Thor roared in his face. _“FOR YOU, AND FOR OUR DAUGHTER, AND FOR OUR SON!”_

__

__

Loki just glared at him. He was shaking, _seething_ with rage. “Tell that to the parents all over the universe,” he uttered, “who lost their sons and daughters today. Because of what you did, Thanos killed them.” His next words were sheer poison, but he didn’t care: “And just like us, they won’t even have bodies to bury.”

Thor’s jaw trembled. Loki could see the pain burning in his eyes, along with brimming horror at his actions.

But Loki didn’t care. Thor deserved it.

He stalked away, uncaring of the other Avengers watching him. He picked up Breaker and took to the sky.

xxx

The wailing was terrible.

Loki knew there wouldn’t be any escaping the sound. It was a wail of mourning, and the entire universe was mourning tonight.

He and the Avengers had been given rooms for the night in the palace of this land’s rulers. Unfortunately, they now had room to spare. Loki would have been mildly impressed with Wakanda, as it was quite advanced (for a human country). But he couldn’t feel anything tonight beyond his low-simmering anger at Thor.

He wasn’t in his room. He doubted he’d sleep at all tonight. He was standing by a large window in the throne room. It provided a vantage point for the humans’ funeral rites.

What was left of the country was gathered outside. They were performing their ritualistic dances, though many of them kept wailing their sorrow. 

Watching it all was the Wakandan queen mother. Apparently, the king and princess had been among those turned to ash. The woman still retained some poise as she tried to keep her tears in check, something only taught through previous experience with grief. Although, as Loki now knew, there was no loss comparable to that of one's children.

How many funerals were happening right now, across the universe? How many traditional rites were being enacted, for how many trillions of people?

And all because Thor had wanted to avenge Loki's suffering, and their children’s lives.

Loki still steadfastly maintained to himself that it wasn’t indirectly his own fault too, as the one Thor had tried to avenge. But it was proving more and more difficult to tell himself that, as the night went on.

Captain Rogers walked up to the window at some point, standing at his side. Loki didn’t have anything to say to him. Rogers stayed silent, too, as they watched the funeral together. In his periphery, Loki could see that the man had been crying.

Loki couldn’t stand the silence for very long. “Did Thor send you to check on me?”

“No,” was the reply. “But I did just talk to him.” Damn Rogers and all his barefaced honesty. What was he looking for, a medal? “He’s taking this really hard.”

“Well, he should be,” Loki bit out. “Look what he caused.”

Rogers let that sentence sit for a while, as he looked out at the funeral. “It wasn’t just him,” he ended up quietly saying. “We all came up short on this one. Thor came closer than any of us.”

Loki rolled his eyes. That’s right, it was ‘we’. Everything was ‘we’ with Captain America, wasn’t it. “Yes, he came the closest,” Loki said. “But he could have done more. He could have done it, for all of us.”

“Maybe,” Rogers said, “but what he ended up doing, he did for you.”

“Don’t you _dare_ start with that,” Loki snapped. “I thought you were at least wise enough to avoid provoking me. An enhanced mortal you may be, but still just that. A mortal.”

Rogers sighed. “I know. If today made anything clear, it’s that everyone’s lives are fragile. It doesn’t matter who you are. And that’s why we need to be there for the people we love, while we can.”

Okay, that hurt. Loki knew what Rogers was getting at; they were looking out at hundreds of people who couldn’t be with all their loved ones anymore.

Still, Loki tried to deflect. “What gives you the impression that I love Thor?”

“The fact that, as everyone vanished, your first instinct was to look for him,” Rogers said. “And when you saw he was alive, you hugged him.” He paused again, before he added, “And he did mention you two had children.”

Loki’s face grew warm. He’d forgotten his and Thor’s argument had been in front of the other Avengers. Great. Now he’d be facing their judgments on top of everything else.

“I’m surprised Dr. Banner didn’t tell you about us when he returned to Earth,” he said.

“He did,” Rogers said. “But he only told me and Natasha.”

“Well, if you’re expecting me to care about your judgments—”

“I’m not judging you.”

For the first time in the conversation, Loki turned to look at Rogers. His look of surprise made it out the gates before he could filter his reaction.

Rogers looked back at him, and shrugged. “I always knew, in a way. Thor mentioned you a lot in the two years he stayed with us. More often than his girlfriend.”

Something warm kindled back to life in Loki’s heart at that last bit. He was more successful at not letting it show this time. “I am his brother.”

Rogers just nodded, and looked down. He suddenly looked so tired.

“Look,” he said, “I know it’s not exactly the same, but…I know what it’s like to love someone who the world doesn’t want you to have.”

He took a long pause. Let out a deep breath. It sounded like grief to Loki.

“And when you do,” he continued, though his voice was tighter, “you have to hold onto them even harder. Because they’re all you have. You can try keeping your distance, pushing them away, but it’s not gonna make your life any easier. It makes it even worse.”

Those words landed far too close to Loki’s heart for comfort. Rogers could have been reading from Loki’s biography.

“Go talk to Thor,” Rogers said. “He’s in a lot of pain right now. None of us have been able to get through to him. If anyone can, it’s you.”

Loki’s gaze slid down. He didn’t agree verbally, but maybe Rogers could tell these things.

“And I’m sorry,” Rogers said. “About your kids.”

Loki’s face set in stone.

“Rocket told me what Thanos did to you,” Rogers continued. “No one deserves that.”

Loki scoffed. “Not even me?”

Rogers paused. It was just for a beat, but it spoke volumes. Still, he said, “Not even you. And you know, even if you’re not that good of a person, you’re not half as bad as you think you are.”

Loki didn’t know how to respond to that. So he didn’t.

“I don’t know if you can,” Rogers said, “but try to get some rest tonight. We’re gonna need all hands on this in the morning.”

He turned to leave. Loki was bewildered by his words’ implications. “All hands for what? You really think it’s possible to fix this?”

Rogers’ footsteps stopped. “Maybe not,” he said softly. “But we have to try.”

Again with that ‘we’. Loki was swiftly growing to hate the word. “And when you find you can’t fix it? What then?”

Rogers didn’t reply for a while. But when he did, his voice was iron. “We’re not called the Avengers for nothing.”

With that, he left. And if Loki weren’t a god, or a king, he would have been terrified of what Steve Rogers’ determination could make him capable of.

xxx

Under normal circumstances, Loki would not have done as a human bade him. But tonight was anything but normal. So, Loki was soon closing Thor’s bedroom door behind him.

Thor was sitting on the side of his bed. His back was to Loki, his broad shoulders hunched over himself as he leaned over his knees. He hardly moved, but Loki could tell what that tension in his frame meant. He had been crying.

Loki’s heart clenched at the sight. It scared him to see that constant figure of strength falling apart. Not least because it was his words that had partly caused it.

But Thor needed him now. So Loki would lend his own strength, as best he could.

He padded over to sit beside Thor. Even in profile, lit only by moonlight, Thor was quite the sight. His eyes were red and puffy, tearstains and snot streaking his face.

He looked so much older than the boy who had nearly been crowned king just seven years ago. Loki’s heart ached seeing him like this.

Loki took his nearest hand. He wasn’t sure what to say. _‘I’m sorry’_ seemed like the obvious choice, but he wasn’t sure if that mattered much. However cruel his words had been, they had been true. That was what had cut Thor the deepest, even more the healing dagger wound on his face.

It turned out he didn’t have to say anything; Thor spoke first. “I failed,” he croaked. “I failed everyone. I failed _you_.”

Loki swallowed. Thor wasn’t used to failure the way Loki was. This could make his current mindset dangerous.

So Loki moved from his seat, to kneel in front of Thor. He still held Thor’s hand; his other hand cupped Thor’s wounded cheek. “So we’ll do better next time,” he murmured. Thor sniffed deeply. “Next time, we won’t hesitate.” He tilted Thor’s chin toward him, encouraging him to meet his eyes. “And we’ll kill the son of a bitch who stole our future from us.”

Thor’s eyes burned into him with their pain. But Loki held his gaze steady. Thor was the one who looked away. “Our future,” Thor whispered. He shook his head. “I thought we would be arriving on Earth months from now. I thought…”

Loki could see the direction he was headed, and almost cut him off. 

“…I thought we would have our son with us…”

Loki’s eyes closed.

“He could have grown up here,” Thor said, his voice breaking on sobs. “We could have taught him about Earth, about Asgard, and about Jotunheim. He could have been a child of three worlds.”

Loki could feel his own agony creeping up on him. He understood now, why Thor had kept deflecting his own grief when they were on their way to Nidavellir. It was much less painful than giving into it. 

But there were no more axes to forge, no more battle to be fought to direct their pain outward. Now they would drown in it.

Thor’s hand tightened around Loki’s. Loki looked at him, at those guilty, heartbroken blue-and-brown eyes.

“I understand now,” Thor said, “why you didn’t want to look at him before he was born. It…it was so horrible to see…”

Loki choked on his first sob.

“He was so _small_ —”

Loki crumpled under the weight of that image. He sagged forward till his face was on Thor’s thigh, shuddering out his mounting sobs.

Thor’s hand settled in his hair. “I wanted to protect you both,” Thor cried. 

“And I wanted to protect _you_ ,” Loki sobbed. “You told me to trade the Tesseract for my own life, but I couldn’t—I couldn’t watch you die like that. I’ve never lost you, I’m not strong enough, I _can’t_ —”

Thor reached to his face then, lifting his head up to look at him again. “You’ve never lost me,” Thor whispered. _“Never.”_

__

__

Loki sobbed again. He climbed into Thor’s lap in order to hold onto him, squeezing his breath away. Thor held him just as tightly.

For the rest of the night he cried with Thor, grieving their children, their home, and the future that had been ripped away. It kept hitting Loki how many traumatic events had happened to them both in the last seven years. Not just his own losses, but Thor’s as well.

That was why Loki had come to Thor’s bedroom tonight. The world had tried to break them apart for years now. And each time, they kept coming back together. Thor kept choosing Loki over his own comfort, and more recently, Loki had started choosing Thor. So after everything they’d been through, after all they had lost, how did calling it quits now make any sort of sense?

Thor had asked what else he could lose. Loki had often wondered the same thing about himself in his moments of self-pity. But the answer was always clear, even if they wouldn’t admit it.

But they wouldn’t lose each other now. Not when they were all they had left.


	25. Coping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATED APRIL 2019: I wrote this fic from August-November 2018, aka before we even knew the title for Avengers Endgame, let alone the plot. So, I used to have a short, hand-wave-y chapter here, in which I basically said "AND SOMEHOW THEY KILLED THANOS AND BROUGHT EVERYONE BACK," because the details didn't really matter for the purposes of this story.
> 
> However! Since Endgame came out, I was inspired to add three new chapters to this fic that incorporate that film's events into this version of Thor and Loki's journey! Hope you enjoy this little addition :D

The coming weeks were a blur. From the moment Loki had awoken in Thor’s arms the morning after the Decimation, they were working with the Avengers at their compound to strike back against that terrible day. 

They found new allies. A woman from Earth who had been infused with cosmic power from fighting in the Kree-Skrull wars. Tony Stark, who flew in late to the party from space. Thanos’s blue-skinned daughter, Nebula, arrived with Stark, looking less angry and more resolved than the last time Loki had seen her. 

The decision was quickly made to pursue Thanos. Loki both looked forward to the confrontation, and dreaded it at the same time. Thor’s hand covertly joined with his was all that grounded him during the trip to the Titan’s garden. 

Once he saw Thanos, he was appalled by how peaceful the warlord appeared. 

He’d built a small lodge. A satchel of harvested fruits sat on a counter. A pot of something aromatic simmered over a hearth. The man himself wore simple clothes, his battle armor retired on a post outside like some macabre scarecrow. 

He looked so comfortable. So _happy._

__

__

He’d killed Loki’s two unborn babies before they’d drawn their first breath. He’d tortured their mother, and their father. He’d overseen the destruction of their mother’s womb. And yet the universe saw fit to grant the bastard _a happy ending?_

__

__

Loki was trembling with rage as the Avengers confronted Thanos. He couldn’t speak, he couldn’t scream. All his fury was clawing to escape, but it paralyzed him in the process. 

Then Thanos’s eyes landed on Nebula. His face softened. “Thank you, Daughter,” he said. 

The daughter he’d tortured. The daughter he’d ravaged. The daughter whom he’d never shown love, and yet he’d seen fit to kill _Loki’s_ daughter and son, even though _Loki would have loved them—_

__

__

“Perhaps I treated you too harshly—” 

Loki snapped. 

With a cry that ripped from his throat, he arced Breaker through the air, slicing Thanos’s head clean off. Head and body toppled to the floor with a mundane _thud-thud-thud._

__

__

Yet the air was just as tense after Thanos’s death as it had been before. Nebula, Rocket, and the humans all stared at him. As if they couldn’t believe the fight had been this anticlimactic. 

Loki could hardly believe it himself. His ears were ringing with how wrong it all felt. 

“What did you do?” he managed to hear Rocket ask. 

Thor’s answer was easier to hear, as he was standing right next to Loki. Still, his voice carried his own disbelief. “He aimed for the head.” 

Loki’s stomach roiled. He couldn’t look at Thanos, at this lodge, at this planet any longer. He turned tail and strode toward the door, Thor keeping step beside him. 

xxx

After that, Loki hardly knew what to do with himself. No one else in the universe seemed to know, either. Everything was in shambles. The difference was, Loki had grown used to his life being a fucking disaster. Everyone else was struggling to catch up to that reality. 

Including Thor. He was teetering on the edge of sanity just as the others were. As usual, he tried throwing himself into missions to prevent Earth’s total collapse. Keeping himself useful staved off his own slide into depression. 

Loki sometimes wondered what path Thor might have followed if Loki weren’t here. Those mismatched eyes looked lost and vacant whenever they had a moment’s calm. Loki made sure to shake him out of it with a hand on his shoulder, or an offer to spar, or even a knife to his ribs. (Okay, that was one time. Thor had nearly shoved him headfirst through a window in response, but at least he’d looked _alive_ afterward. The stern talking-to they both received from Rogers about ‘not trying to murder their teammates’ had been worth it.) 

One thing Loki made sure to keep an eye on was their respective appetites. Their coping mechanisms were complete opposites in that respect: Thor would overeat in response to stress, while Loki wouldn’t touch a bite. 

The first few times, Loki wasn’t sure if Thor was noticing how he’d scrape Thor’s overly-full plates into the bin once they were half-eaten. But after a week of doing so, Thor grabbed his wrist to stop him. 

Loki was about to make a biting remark about Thor getting fat if he kept this up, but the gentle concern in Thor’s eyes cut him off. “From now on,” Thor said softly, “you can only take my food if you eat it yourself. Deal?” 

Something in Loki’s chest beat so loudly at the love implied from that request. Perhaps it was what remained of his heart. “Deal,” he murmured. 

Thor released his wrist. Loki could’ve proceeded to chuck the plate in the bin out of spite. It’s probably what he would’ve done eight years ago. But instead, he picked up the plate, and took a bite of Thor’s ham sandwich. 

“You put too much dressing on this,” he muttered. He had to keep up some level of contrariness. 

But in his periphery, he could see Thor’s grin. The first one he’d seen from his brother in months. 

He didn’t acknowledge it, though. He headed toward the hallway that led to their shared bedroom in this compound. 

However, he only made it halfway through the kitchen when a slight, feminine chuckle stopped him cold. 

He glared at the culprit: one Natasha Romanoff, sitting in a chair in the corner of the adjoining lounge, skimming world news outlets on her tablet. Though he knew she hadn’t been laughing at the headlines about food shortages in Ukraine. 

“What?” he bit out. 

She shook her head. “Nothing. Just…” She looked up at him with coy amusement, which had been sorely lacking around here for the last few months. “…I can see why Steve and Bruce are so accepting of you two.” 

Loki noted her choice of words. She hadn’t said that _she_ was accepting of it. Just that she saw her friends’ point of view. 

He’d always wondered how others would react if they knew he and Thor were lovers. Mostly, he’d imagined proclaiming it to Odin when he was angry with his father, just to savor the look of shock and rage at the knowledge that he’d corrupted the old man’s precious golden heir. But even with other Asgardians, or the humans when he’d fought them in New York, he’d pictured bewilderment and disgust if he’d revealed the truth for the purposes of humiliating Thor. 

But gentle amusement at how good he and Thor were for each other? That wasn’t a reaction he’d anticipated. 

So, he clenched his jaw, and continued down the hallway. He could feel Romanoff’s smirk at his back until he’d made it to his bedroom. 

To give his discomfort an outlet, he angrily bit off a corner of Thor’s sandwich. 

He really had used too much dressing. 

xxx

Almost a year to the day after the Decimation, their world changed again. This time, it was with a human arriving on their doorstep, who had access to spacetime travel via what he called ‘the quantum realm.’ 

This human, Rogers, and Romanoff managed to sway Stark to their side. Loki hated the sight of that man. Stark had made his peace with the Decimation, and had a newborn daughter with Lady Pepper. He bore all the hallmarks of the happy exhaustion of new parenthood. Loki could hardly stomach it. 

He hated even more what Stark and Banner explained to them all about time travel. All they could safely do was _borrow_ the Infinity Stones from the past, and use them in the present to revive those turned to ash. That way, it would happen in their current timeline. All other losses before the Decimation would still stand. 

But once Loki understood how their mechanism of time travel worked, he decided he wasn’t going to play by those rules. He’d lived with his losses for too long. Time to say no. 

Everyone looked at him with suspicion when he’d agreed to join their so-called ‘time heist.’ “I’m sorry, are you suddenly deciding that you _care_ about the rest of the universe now?” Stark snapped at him. 

But Loki leveled his gaze right back. “I’ve lost too much in the last few years. It’s time I helped bring something back.” 

Most of them didn’t look entirely convinced. But they let the matter be. They needed all the help they could get. 

Little did they know that Loki wasn’t talking about bringing back Infinity Stones to the present day. He was going to return something far more precious.


	26. Time Heist

The rule was that they only had enough quantum catalysts for each of them to have one round trip. But Loki immediately saw the loophole in that logic. They could travel anywhere in time and space! Why not just visit somewhere they knew Pym particles were located, opening up access to as many time jumps as he needed? 

All he needed was three more trips. One for Frigga, and one for each of his pregnant selves. Simple. 

Everything would be worth it. Every moment of pain and agony. Every time he’d broken down screaming. 

Even wearing this horribly unattractive time-jump suit. Not even Thor could entirely pull it off. But to Loki’s mind, his brother at least came the closest. 

Rogers gave his speech to invigorate everyone for their mission. Loki suppressed his eyeroll. He had to put up a facade of cooperating with their plan. 

In hindsight, maybe his lack of eye-rolling was what prompted Thor’s searching stare before they jumped down the quantum tunnel. 

xxx

As he’d calculated, Loki ended up in S.H.I.E.L.D.’s underground headquarters in the year 1970. It was child’s play to infiltrate the base and sneak into Dr. Pym’s lab. He had dozens of the red vials Loki required. 

But as he reached out for them, a most irritating voice behind him asked, “How many were you planning on using?” 

Loki huffed. In the glass case surrounding the vials, he could see a reflection of Thor leaning back against some filing cabinets. His arms were folded over his chest as he bored holes into Loki’s skull with his gaze. Loki should’ve known Thor would try to stop him. 

But instead of answering the question, he replied with, “If you knew why, you wouldn’t try to dissuade me from this.” 

Thor chuckled with a shake of his head. “Years ago, it would’ve been harder to guess what your plans were, because your aim was to sow chaos. But now?” The mirth faded. “Now you’re trying to save them.” 

Loki grabbed six of the vials (one couldn’t be too prepared, yes?) and whirled around to face Thor’s disapproving stare. “And you think that’s wrong?” he snapped. 

The grief stirred in Thor’s eyes. He looked down at his folded arms. “It is now,” he murmured. “As much as it pains me to say it—” 

“Oh, it _pains_ you?” Loki sneered. That old wound was flaring to life, along with the old anger at Thor’s failure to help it. “If that pain was anything close to what I’ve felt for _eight goddamn years_ , you would be helping me do this!” 

“And how were you planning on doing it?” Thor countered, his glare returning tenfold. “By bringing your past selves back to our present? Letting them each give birth, then sending them back while you keep their babies? You really think the person you were then would’ve _agreed_ to give up his children?” 

Though Loki’s eyes were burning with tears, he was about to snap something clever at Thor which would’ve defused his whole argument. But Thor’s last sentence shuttered that train of thought. 

Loki had thought through every angle of his plan, including the necessary circumventing of the Grandfather Paradox by returning his past selves to their previous locations. He would still suffer, but his children wouldn’t. They would be alive and well, in his arms at last. 

He’d thought of everything, except the one variable Thor could account for better than him: knowing his own mind. 

And Thor was right. 

Loki had always been selfish, and always would be. Even if he could explain to his past selves that their child was in danger, they would never agree to give up their baby, even to an alternate version of themselves. It wasn’t enough that their child would grow up safe and well; _he_ would want to be the one raising them. 

Isn’t that what he was doing now? Yanking those children from their fates, all so he could have the chance to be their mother? 

Not to mention that this might destroy causality loops. If he never miscarried his daughter, might he never be broken enough to succumb to Thanos’s demands? If he wasn’t pregnant when Thanos attacked the _Statesman_ , wouldn’t Thanos settle for killing _him_ in front of Thor? 

And where would that leave Thor, but on a path of failed vengeance, self-destruction, and a shattered heart numbed to the world? 

He hadn’t realized Thor had walked up to him. He was too busy trying not to sob. He’d thought his grief had hardened him, not softened him like this! 

Thor brought his hands up. One went to cradle the side of Loki’s neck, the other to the back of his head. When he whispered his next words, Loki thought he could hear held-back tears, as well. “I know you want to protect them. So do I. But they’re gone.” 

Loki sniffed deeply. And the bitterness took hold of him. 

“No, you don’t want to protect them,” he bit out. He glared at Thor through his sheen of tears. “You just want to save everyone else. When have you _ever_ put your family over the rest of the universe?” 

His words made something in Thor flinch, he could tell. But his different-colored eyes didn’t waver from Loki’s. Resolute as always. 

It sickened Loki. He turned away, but Thor forced him to look back at him with a harsh grip on his chin. The iron in his gaze burned hotter than Nidavellir’s forge. 

When Thor spoke, his voice was low, and it was quivering with fury. “You look me in the eye, and you tell me I wouldn’t let Stark, or Rogers, or Banner, or _anyone_ else in the universe die, for the sake of you.” 

Loki scoffed. But Thor was glaring knives at him. 

Three seconds passed. Then five. Then ten. 

And the longer Loki stared at his brother’s unwavering resolve, the more he realized he couldn’t refute that statement. For the first time, he fully understood just how devoted to him Thor had become in the wake of their losses. It almost scared him. 

In the end, Thor was the one who broke the silence. “My family is what matters most to me now. And right now, you’re the only part of it I have left.” He looked down, and shook his head. “I don’t understand all the implications of this time travel. I don’t know what paradoxes will be invoked, or which alternate timelines will or won’t be created. All I know is, if I let you do this, and if you _fail_ , your grief will destroy you. I can’t let that happen.” 

Loki felt himself collapse under the weight of said grief. He closed his eyes, and shrank into Thor’s chest as he tried not to sob too loudly. Thor’s arms wrapped around him immediately. 

Loki sniffed, hoping that was all that betrayed his crying. Probably too much to hope for. “I was their mother,” he protested. 

“I know,” Thor murmured, as he tucked Loki’s head under his chin. “I know you were. And I was their father. Nothing will ever take that away from us.” 

Loki clung to Thor at the thought. Thor’s arms tightened around him, his strength sealing that promise. They would always have the distinction of being parents to their daughter and son, even if neither one had ever been born. 

And there was a sort of safety in death, wasn’t there? They were in Valhalla with their grandparents. Nothing could hurt them there, while they would always be in danger if Loki found a way to give them life in his present time. 

They stood there for a long time. Thor was the one who released them, drawing back to kiss Loki’s forehead. “Can you give them to me?” 

Loki looked down to Thor’s palm, asking for the Pym particles. With a sigh, he placed the four vials in his brother’s hand. 

Thor then held up his other palm, raising his eyebrows expectantly. 

With another, more irritated sigh, Loki gave him the other two vials he’d been hoping to sneak away. 

Thor smiled in gratitude. He put four of the vials away, while he kept two of them for him and Loki to travel to their original target. “Ready, Brother?” 

Loki wiped away the last of his tears, and nodded. Thus, they shrank together to travel to 2013’s Asgard. 

xxx

It turned out Rocket didn’t really need their help to get the Aether out of that stupid mortal. Loki was glad for it; if he’d had to lay eyes on the human who had been sleeping with his brother at the time, he might have sliced open her throat. 

At the very least, he might have told her who had been sleeping with Thor for centuries before that—and who would continue to do so after she left his bed. If he had, she might have slapped him (again) and accused him of making up lies. 

Or, even more interestingly, perhaps she might have _believed_ him. After all, Rogers had said Thor had spoken of Loki so often on Earth that he’d been able to guess the truth. Considering this Jane girl had broken up with Thor around this time…perhaps she’d guessed it, too. 

But as entertaining as it would have been to test this theory, something far more emotionally pressing stole his focus: 

His mother. 

He remembered the last words he’d said to her. She’d probably heard them from his lips not hours before this point in time. And yet she still smiled with just as much warmth toward him as she did toward Thor. 

Upon hearing they were from the future, she laughed. “All I can say is, it is such a relief to see you both working together again.” 

Loki’s throat clenched. He could feel Thor stiffen beside him, probably for the same reason. 

Their past selves _would_ be working together the very next day. Working to avenge her death, which was due in a matter of hours. 

“Mother,” Thor said, “I need to tell you something—” 

Before Loki could point out the hypocrisy of Thor trying to alter this moment in time and save a family member (not that he would have stopped his brother in this case), Frigga headed him off. “Whatever I am meant to know, I will know at the proper time. For now, you must be on your way.” 

She hugged Thor first. As she did, she whispered something in his ear. That probably meant Loki wasn’t supposed to hear it, but he read her lips anyway out of habit. _Be patient with him_ , she said. 

Well, he couldn’t argue with her on that one. No one could handle Loki without patience. Still, it sounded like advice someone would receive about their love life, rather than their relationship with their sibling. 

Did she know…? 

When she hugged Loki, he never wanted to let her go. But since he knew he would have to, he whispered to her first. “I didn’t mean it. You have always been my mother, and you always will be.” 

“I know,” she whispered back. “And I have always been proud to have that honor.” Then, she leaned in close to his ear, and whispered even more quietly, “ _And don’t you worry. Your father and I will take care of them both_.” 

His breath caught. 

Oh, she _knew._

__

__

She kissed his cheek, and released him. “Good luck, my boys.” 

Loki prepared to jump to the quantum tunnel again with Rocket, but Thor held up a hand to stop him. “I need to check something first.” 

Loki wasn’t sure what he meant, until he saw Thor’s outstretched hand. Waiting. 

Rocket was confused. Frigga explained that it took a minute sometimes. Loki rolled his eyes. 

With a familiar metallic whir, Mjolnir returned to Thor’s palm. He was still worthy. 

A just-as-familiar pang of jealousy returned to Loki as he saw the hammer. It was a reminder of his and Thor’s old separation, whereas Storm and Breaker were signs of their new status as equals. 

But the gleam of delight in Thor’s eyes as he realized he was still worthy? 

Well, that just might have made it all worth it.


	27. How Many Times Do We Have to Kill This Damn Titan?

They returned the same second as the other Avengers. All, that is, except for Romanoff. When they learned what had happened on Vormir, the humans’ grief nearly overwhelmed them. They were all running on psychological fumes since the Decimation; each new loss pushed them further and further into despair. 

Loki didn’t think he cared too much about Natasha Romanoff. He didn’t examine his feelings on it for too long. But he kept quiet, and let the humans push themselves through their grief, toward the business of undoing Thanos’s snap with one of their own. 

They couldn’t tell right away if they were successful, of course. But as they waited for the signs to point one way or the other, Thor took Loki aside. 

“I was thinking—” 

“A dangerous pastime, Brother.” 

Thor chuckled. “If we have succeeded, and the Decimation is reversed, I was thinking perhaps we could build ourselves a new home.” 

Loki raised his eyebrows. “I was sure you would want to stay here.” 

“Just as I’m sure you would rather hold open Nidavellir’s forge again, than live among the Avengers,” Thor replied with a smirk. “I can always visit them here. But they’re not my family.” 

Loki probably looked like he was about to swoon. Damn his big lovable idiot of a brother! 

To push past the sentiment, Loki moved on to practicalities. He held out his hand to summon Breaker. Its handle was already beginning to wear a groove of his handprint, he’d taken to holding it so often. It just felt so _good_ to know he was now as worthy as Thor in this regard. 

“So,” he said, twirling the end of Breaker’s handle in a tight circle on the tiles, “Storm and Breaker can open the Bifrost. We could go anywhere to start a new kingdom.” 

“Oh,” said Thor, “is it a kingdom already?” 

“Well, we _are_ kings. Why not?” 

Thor laughed. Loki knew his brother didn’t care about the title. Hel, when it came down to it, Loki didn’t care that much himself. But if they were going to build their own home somewhere, why not dream as grand as they could? 

“Fine,” Thor conceded, “our _kingdom_. But as for where it should be…” He trailed off. Scratched the back of his head. With a shrug, he finished his sentence: “…Might we leave that matter for another time?” 

Loki would’ve agreed, except that Thor’s nervous tells were too obvious. All humor in Loki’s demeanor faded at the realization. “You want it to be on Earth, don’t you.” 

“Well…” 

“Oh, you _do!_ Thor, you just said you didn’t want to live among the Avengers—” 

“It wouldn’t be among the Avengers! Earth is a large planet, we could ask a country for some land, maybe—” 

Loki scoffed. “You’re really so naive that you think Earth’s governments just dole out parcels of land to _whomever asks them nicely?”_

Thor rolled his eyes. Loki knew it hurt his brother to do that now, as the fake eyeball would rub uncomfortably around his socket. Thor usually tried to refrain from such displays unless he was _really_ irritated with Loki. “See? I told you we should leave this matter for another time.” 

“Perhaps we should,” Loki retorted. 

But the heat from the argument was cooling. Thor held out his hand to summon Storm. He leaned forward on it like it was a cane, standing it right next to Breaker. 

Thor grinned down at their weapons. “At least you’ve started calling them by the names I suggested.” 

Now it was Loki’s turn to roll his eyes. He _had_ given up on trying to change the names. They had stuck by now. Storm and Breaker it was. 

He also stared down at their weapons. “Well, since I’m going to be living alone with you for the long term, I need to pick my battles.” 

Thor chuckled. “Perhaps I will, too.” 

His hand covered Loki’s on top of Breaker’s handle. Loki looked up, to see Thor’s blue-and-brown gaze smothering him with tenderness. 

Even with more scars and wrinkles, shorn hair, and a missing eye, Thor was still the most beautiful person Loki had ever seen. 

But just as he thought he might lean in to kiss Thor, testing the waters of their dormant intimacy, an explosion engulfed the entire compound. 

xxx

It was Thanos. 

Of course it was Thanos. 

Loki couldn’t find it in himself to be surprised. Even though he’d sliced the monster’s head off, of _course_ Thanos had returned to haunt him. 

This time, however, it was a Thanos from five years ago. Apparently one of their voyages through time had alerted him to their plans, so he’d shot forward to this moment, to gather the Gauntlet they’d so kindly assembled for him. 

Once Loki got his bearings, he had to focus on breathing through the debris crushing his body. It was a delicate process to blast it all away without knocking even more pieces loose to crush him. 

That took him longer than he would have liked. In the meantime, he could hear Thor’s yells and battle cries in the distance, along with the whir of Mjolnir and the static of his lightning. This fight against Thanos seemed to be taking longer than their previous two. 

This worried Loki. 

He quickly checked his vital organs with his magic. Everything seemed relatively intact, so he summoned Breaker to his hand and picked his way through the debris. As much as he dreaded fighting the Titan again, he wasn’t about to leave Thor to die facing him alone. 

But as Loki finally stepped onto the battleground, it appeared Thor was as un-alone as he could possibly be. Because Doctor Fucking Strange had opened portals, through which every hero in the entire _universe_ had emerged. 

As a child, Loki had dreamed of dying a heroic death in glorious battle. Adulthood had quickly doused those dreams, but while he’d started mocking the idea to others' faces, he’d still enjoyed the thought of it. Even as a false king on Asgard, he’d put on plays pretending such a thing had happened. 

He hadn’t counted himself as one of the universe’s heroes of late. But if he did die in this company? 

Well, at least it would be dramatic. 

xxx

Miraculously, Loki didn’t die. 

Nor did Thor. They’d each made sure of that. Come to think of it, their side of the battle had surprisingly few casualties. 

Thanos’s army, on the other hand, had blown away in the wind, thanks to Tony Stark. But as Thanos looked around at his failure, preparing for a peaceful end— 

Nebula had rushed in, hacking the monster’s head from his neck with wild screams. She at least managed to give him as much pain as possible, before his lifeless eyes disintegrated with the rest of him. 

Of course, Thor mourned Stark, and Romanoff. Loki didn’t know what his feelings were on the matter. He had to admit, the humans had been resourceful, not to mention brave. They hadn’t hesitated to make their sacrifices when they’d needed to. 

But, brave or not, they were still humans. Thus, not worth much of Loki’s time or energy. 

So, he accompanied Thor to Stark’s funeral, but hung back from the main gathering. Toward the end of the proceedings, he found himself standing awkwardly with Nebula. Two misfits, together on this little planet. 

But just as Loki was about to excuse himself, Nebula stopped him. “I was meaning to give this to you,” she said. “One moment.” 

Then she tilted her head parallel to the ground, and started hitting the side of her skull. 

Loki just stood there watching the display, growing more and more confused, until something dropped out of Nebula’s ear into her waiting palm. A computer chip. 

“Here,” she said, holding it out to him. “I made a few copies of the recording, just in case. Figured you and your brother would want it.” 

Loki took it. He had a feeling he knew which decapitation was recorded on it. “Thank you.” 

Another awkward silence settled between them. Brimming with everything unspoken about their first meeting in Thanos’s domain. 

After all the time spent between the first Gauntlet snap and the second, Loki hadn’t really spoken to her about her role in his torture. Nor had she spoken about specifics of what Thanos had done to her, though she wore the evidence in every mechanized part of her body. Intellectually, they knew it was all Thanos’s fault, not theirs. But it was still unsaid between them. 

Loki broke the silence. “Will you be traveling with the Guardians?” 

It took a few seconds for her to nod. “It seems like my best option.” She didn’t add anything further on the subject, but Loki could read between the lines. From what little he’d seen of the Guardians, it was clear they all thought of each other as family. Perhaps Nebula wasn’t prepared to name it, but it seemed she was in want of exactly that. After all, the Guardians did include her sister, whose memories they were working to restore. 

Speaking of family, Thor had found Loki at the edge of this gathering. He nodded. “Lady Nebula.” 

Nebula squirmed. Courtesy did not appear to sit well with her. 

So, in a maneuver Loki recognized, she deflected. “Where will you be going?” 

Ah, yes. The question that still wedged between Loki and Thor. 

Loki turned to his brother. But Thor just looked expectantly back at him, waiting for his answer. Open to whatever that answer was. 

Maybe that was why Loki replied the way he did. 

“We’ll stay on Earth. After all, Norway does owe us a cultural debt.” 

He was sure Nebula knew nothing of their mythological impact on a few countries of Earth, and thus had no idea what he meant. But she didn’t ask. “Good luck,” was all she said. And with that, she left. 

Loki turned back to Thor and his beautiful grin. “You’re sure?” Thor asked. 

“I mean, we’ll have to find some building materials from other planets,” Loki said, “because I’m not planning on living in a wooden hut for the rest of my life.” 

Thor chuckled. “Fair enough.” 

And they opened the Bifrost, to present Oslo’s government with their request.


	28. Norway

It turned out it wasn’t that simple. Loki had seen it coming; the planet still was not unified under a single government, and those authorities that did exist had such complicated relationships with one another. Humans loved their bureaucracy.

So, he and Thor had to speak to the Norwegian king, his Prime Minister, and the Council of State. Other international organizations such as the Nordic Council, not to mention other initialisms such as the ‘EU’, ‘NATO’, and the ‘UN’, all wanted to talk to them too. Thor and Loki ignored those. They weren’t planning on developing any dependence on the humans besides living on the piece of land they wanted.

Loki and Thor turned up their full charm for the little humans, but it turned out to be quite unnecessary. Apparently, all five Nordic countries had extended numerous offers to Thor during his last stay on Earth, to give him a permanent residence within their borders. They’d even made him an honorary citizen.

They were more nervous about Loki, but it didn’t faze him or Thor. Within a few weeks, the government had held a referendum on the matter to their citizens, who passed it with clear numbers. 

Thus, Thor and Loki walked away with what they’d wanted: a three-hundred-square-mile enclave on Norway’s western shore, which would now become the Kingdom of New Asgard. They would have exclusive hunting and fishing rights, and could create their own laws within their borders. In exchange, if they ever decided to develop diplomatic or economic relationships with the rest of the world, Norway would maintain special privileges.

And so, Thor and Loki began traveling to other planets, bringing back what materials they needed. They began construction of their new home near the spot where they’d last spoken to Odin.

They didn’t speak much during that time. They tired themselves out every day, raising walls with both muscles and magic. But Loki knew there was more to it than that.

They’d hardly stopped to grieve, beyond their first explosion of it after the Decimation, and that incident during the time heist. And they were building their home near where Odin had died, and where Mjolnir had been shattered. Now they were each coming to terms with their losses by themselves.

Loki knew it was also because he’d thought their next home would be with their children. Now they were alone. Loki wasn’t sure how he felt about that, and it was still too frightening for him to examine closely.

A month later, they had done it. The house wasn’t a palace, nor a hovel. It had ample room enough for both of them. The interior was furnished simply, but still with a bit of flair to suit Loki’s tastes.

They ate Thor's venison stew like starving men the first evening in their new home. The physical and emotional toil was catching up to them. Loki was sure they’d sleep like babies tonight.

And yet, when they retired, Loki was wide awake under the covers, staring at the ceiling.

“This is strange,” Thor said, as a way of announcing he was also awake.

Loki chuckled. Thor joined him. “Indeed, it is,” Loki said.

“When was the last time we were this alone?” Thor wondered aloud.

Loki thought back. Realistically, probably the last time they’d hunted in the wilds of Niflheim, nearly two hundred years ago. But emotionally, the answer was quite different. “I know I’ve felt more alone than this in the last few years,” he said. 

He’d meant to say it as an offhand remark, perhaps as a humorous commentary on his experiences. But it came out much sadder than that.

Thor rolled over, till he was half-on top of Loki. His hand stroked down Loki’s face, his one eye shining with tenderness. “I would never want you to feel like that again,” he said softly. “I’ll do all in my power to make sure you won’t.”

Loki nearly sighed at the sentiment. But he forced it back at the last second. “I know I’m not alone,” he said. “How can I be, when you’re breathing on me with that foul stench?”

Thor breathed a chuckle, with a heavy emphasis on ‘breathed’. “Well, if it helps you not feel alone, then…”

Before Loki could block it, Thor exhaled with all his might, directly on Loki’s face. Loki made a show of gagging. “Stop it!”

“I’m here, Brother,” Thor teased, “and I shall employ all manner of odors to ensure you know it!”

He looked prepared to do it again, so Loki clamped a hand onto his mouth. Thor giggled into it.

“Are you quite finished?” Loki asked.

Thor nodded, and pressed a kiss to Loki’s palm. His eye still teased, though, gleaming with mischief.

Until, in light of the simple kiss to Loki’s hand, it started gleaming with something else.

It was silent between them for a few seconds, as the air charged thick with tension. They hadn’t been intimate since the night before Thanos had attacked the _Statesman_. Loki now felt every second of that absence, burning like fire in his skin.

Then the tension snapped. 

Loki moved both hands to Thor’s head, yanking him down to his lips. Thor proceeded to _devour_ Loki’s mouth. Their teeth clacked together as the urgency overwhelmed their ability to coordinate the kiss. 

Loki didn’t recall vanishing their pajamas with his magic, nor Thor climbing fully on top of him, settling between his now-spread legs. He felt feverish. He needed Thor’s skin against his, needed to smell his sweat, hear his moans, feel his seed when—

“Wait.”

To his credit, Thor froze, though he’d been a second away from thrusting inside Loki’s cunt. Loki could feel the heat of Thor's cock near his dripping quim.

“What?” Thor asked, panting.

Loki glanced down. He caught a glimpse of Thor’s cock, weeping precome and almost visibly throbbing. 

But in his cunt, he knew what that cock would give him.

“I can’t,” he whispered. He turned away. “I can’t let you put another child in me, not again. I can’t do it, I…”

Thor had to understand. Right?

Just in case, Loki made to roll out from under Thor. But before he could, Thor reached to his face. The touch was so gentle it shocked Loki into stillness.

When he looked up, Thor was looking at him with an expression he couldn’t place. Sorrowful, yet kind. But also with a yearning. A yearning Loki could not fulfill.

“Then do it to me,” Thor said quietly.

Loki’s brain screeched to a halt. He couldn’t process speech for a moment, he could hardly even process Thor’s request.

He ended up giving the stupidest response: “You can’t get pregnant.”

Thor laughed. “Well, not with that attitude.”

Thor’s laughter was giving Loki the few seconds he needed to understand what Thor was asking for. A weight in his chest lifted. _This_ yearning of Thor’s he could fulfill, easily. Gladly.

He watched as Thor went back to his previous position of lying on his back. Taking the hint, Loki rose and climbed on top of him. Thor so easily spread his own legs to allow him a place between them.

“You’re sure?” Loki asked. “It has been quite a while.”

Thor smiled. Loki thought he caught a hint of embarrassment in it. It turned out he was right, when Thor looked down and said, “In truth, not a day has gone by since my failed coronation, that I haven’t imagined receiving this from you.”

Loki’s breath caught. That had been eight years ago. _Eight years._ Almost half of which, Thor had thought Loki dead. Even when he was alive, they’d either fought each other, or Thor had been giving to Loki. And all this time, he had been yearning to receive.

Loki leaned in to kiss Thor. It wasn’t as frenzied now, but no less intense for it. Thor’s hands threaded into his hair, holding him close.

As they kissed, Loki trailed one of his own hands down Thor’s body. Past his chest, his stomach, his cock, his balls. Down to his hole. It twitched at the touch of questing fingers, and Thor gasped into Loki’s mouth.

“Just do it with magic,” Thor murmured against his lips.

“It won’t be as thorough.”

“I can take it.”

Loki drew back from Thor’s face an inch. “I don’t doubt that,” Loki said, “but you don’t have to just _take_ it.”

He was about to conjure some oil onto his fingertips, when Thor quietly asked, “Do I not?”

Loki stilled all his actions. He took a good look at Thor. Thor was hiding from his gaze, though. Something he only did when he felt guilty about something.

But after all they had suffered and lost, whether or not Thor had a part to play in any of it, did Thor seriously think he deserved to be sexually _punished_ for it?

Loki sat back on his heels, so he could bring his free hand to Thor’s chin, prompting his brother to look at him. When he had his gaze, he said firmly, “No. You don’t have to just take it.” He quirked up one corner of his mouth in a grin. “You also have to _enjoy_ it.”

And he pushed an oil-slicked index finger into Thor’s hole. Thor gasped and clenched. He really was too tight, after eight years with no one inside him. It really would have hurt if Loki had only used magic.

But Loki knew how to do this. He stilled his progress inward, circled his fingertip around Thor’s walls, used his other hand to play with Thor’s cock. Coaxing the pleasure to relax him, to drown out the discomfort.

It worked soon enough. Loki was soon able to work one finger down to the bottom knuckle. Then he could reach Thor’s prostate, which had Thor crying out. “Ah, Loki—”

“Good?”

“So—ha!—So good…”

Loki took the opportunity to add a second finger. Thor bit his lip with a groan. “Yes _yes_ , Brother, yes, _more_ —”

But Loki didn’t fall for that. He knew Thor wouldn’t be ready for anything more so quickly. So for the next ten minutes, he teased with two fingers, plunging them in and out, scissoring them inside, spreading the oil around. Taking Thor apart while he could only moan.

Eventually Loki had worked up to three fingers. He could probably get away with adding a fourth one too, so he slipped his pinky inside. He fucked Thor with four fingers, to his brother’s combined delight and frustration, reduced to a whining mess while speared open on Loki’s digits.

Thor suddenly squeezed a hand around the base of his own cock, grunting with a loud “ _mmmm_ ” as he staved off his orgasm. 

Loki smirked. “You could come now, if you wanted.”

Thor glared at him. “And you could just _fuck me_ now, like you said you would.”

Loki could have answered with a teasing retort, could have kept stringing Thor along with his fingers. But that was assuming he didn’t want to be inside Thor just as badly as Thor wanted it.

So he carefully withdrew his fingers and slicked his own cock. He looked down at Thor’s hole as he did. It was loose and pliant now. He could see the insides, shiny and red and twitching with want. The sight nearly made Loki come in his own hand.

When he guided himself inside, he was sure he would die from the immediate pleasure. He hadn't realized how _much_ he'd missed this, his cock surrounded by his brother’s suffocating heat, clenching around him.

Fully sheathed, he glanced down at Thor. Thor had thrown his head back, squeezing his eyelids shut as he whimpered. It might have looked like pain to someone unpracticed in Thor’s sexual reactions. However, Loki was no such person. Thor was drowning in the pleasure, just as Loki was.

Loki leaned over Thor. He smoothed a hand down the side of Thor’s face, down the faint ridge of a scar on his cheek, from a dagger wound that still hadn’t faded. When Thor looked at him, his eye was glazed with want.

Loki couldn’t stay away any longer. He kissed Thor, drinking in everything he was, as he started moving inside him. Thor moaned into his mouth, clenched around him, held onto his shoulders for dear life.

Loki quickly built up to a rough, hurried pace. He knew he wouldn’t last long; it had been too long since he’d sunk his cock inside someone. “If you want to come with me,” he panted, “you’d best hurry.”

Thor took the hint. He reached to jerk his own cock just as Loki did. His moans only mounted. Loki knew it wouldn’t take much.

He managed to hold himself back from the brink until he felt Thor’s seed pulsing onto his hand. Thor was crying out, spasming around Loki’s cock. And Loki was _gone_. The sharp waves of orgasm overwhelmed him, as he came deep inside his brother.

Gasping in air, he collapsed on top of Thor. He landed in the sticky come on Thor’s belly. Thor wrapped his arms around Loki, holding him close as they shivered through the aftershocks together.

Loki could have fallen asleep right then. But he had the wherewithal to slide down to Thor’s side, away from the come. He muttered a cleaning spell, too; they’d woken up too many times glued together with the crust of it. Loki didn’t feel like dealing with that when he woke.

Thor still held Loki close. “Thank you, Brother,” he slurred. He was falling asleep fast, by the sound of it.

Loki knew that feeling of succumbing to sleep sated and loose, leaking his brother’s come out of his hole. And now after so long, he’d returned the favor. A faint smile rose to his lips. “Thank you,” he said in return, and fell asleep.


	29. Worth It

They enjoyed themselves the next morning. In the shower, Loki had Thor again, pounding into him hard and fast while Thor struggled to hold himself up against the wall. The acoustics made their combined moans echo around them in a crescendo of desire. Loki hadn’t come so hard in a long time.

Over breakfast, it was becoming clearer to them both that there was no need to hide their affection. Out here, in their own damn _country_ they’d claimed on Earth, there was no one to hide it from. They could easily share a kiss, take each other’s hands, or tease each other’s ankles with their toes under the table. So they did.

But the peace was broken once they’d stepped foot outside, when Thor nearly tripped over a large box on their front porch.

Once he saw it, Thor prodded it with his toe, more curious than anything else. Loki, on the other hand, drew his daggers. 

Neither of them had put that box there. Which meant someone _else_ had snuck onto their property past Loki’s defensive shields, to leave them this mystery package. Which Loki did not care for, not one bit.

“Relax, Loki,” Thor said. “Let’s at least see what it is first.”

It turned out to be several boxes within the larger box. On top of them all was a note.

“‘I hope this finds you well,’” Thor read out loud. “‘On Earth, we refer to this as a ‘housewarming gift.’ And for the record, this was Mr. Parker’s idea. Signed, Doctor Stephen Strange, Sorcerer Supreme and Master of the Mystic Arts.’”

Loki tensed at the name. He’d vowed to himself that he would trap the mortal sorcerer in his pocket dimension for the next thirty years if they ever met again. But here Doctor Strange was, bypassing Loki’s magical wards, under the guise of welcoming them to Earth and leaving them a present. The nerve of that man!

Thor, meanwhile, had opened one of the boxes. “What is this?”

Loki vanished his daggers again, and looked. There were several pieces of carved wood inside each box, along with a variety of metal fastenings. They looked to be the components of cheap, unbuilt furniture.

Then Thor started laughing hard. “What?” Loki asked.

“I know what these are!” Thor crowed. He pointed to a logo on one of the boxes. “Clint told me of this once! They are from a chain of furniture stores, which originated in Sweden!” He shook his head, chuckling fondly. “The young Spider is clever, gifting us items for our home which are given names in our ancestors’ tongue.”

Loki supposed. He peered closer at the boxes. The materials didn’t look to be of fine make. “We’re not putting these in our home.”

“What?” Thor looked to him. “Of course we are! It would be rude not to.”

“It was rude of them to trespass here,” Loki snapped back. “Not to mention they crossed international borders without permission!”

“I would have given them permission!”

“And I wouldn’t have! Besides, they didn’t ask, hence the trespassing!”

Thor didn’t reply for a second, scoring Loki a point. Finally, Thor said, “Can we at least assemble the furniture, and put it out when they visit?”

Loki rolled his eyes up to the porch awning. “‘When they visit’? Thor, they’re not going to visit us!”

“Why ever not?”

 _"Because this is ours!”_ Loki screeched. He gestured his hands to the surrounding field. “All of this, ours! The whole point of which is so we can live in peace, which would be broken if you invited your mortal friends here whenever you pleased!”

Thor glared at him. “You think I expected peace here, when I signed up to live with _you?”_

The proverbial dagger plunged into Loki’s heart. His mouth closed. 

He stalked back inside, heading for their bedroom and slamming the door behind him.

xxx

Three minutes later, there was a soft knock at the door. “Loki?”

Loki sat on their bed, facing away from the door. He seriously considered refusing Thor entrance. But, his brother did sound repentant. So, with a sigh, he released the lock with his magic, allowing Thor inside.

Thor went to sit beside Loki on the bed. Loki refused to look at him.

“I’m sorry,” Thor said softly. “I shouldn’t have said that. Of course I want to live here with you, peace or no. If the last eight years have taught me anything, it’s that life by your side is always better than life without you.”

Loki let his words wash over him. He was wanted. The person he loved most in the universe, the _only_ person he loved who still lived, wanted him by his side.

“The Avengers don’t have to come here,” Thor said. “I can go visit them, if need be. But you’re right. This should just be our place.”

The sheets rustled. Loki looked, to see Thor had laid his hand palm-up beside him. Asking.

Loki answered. He took the hand. He still didn’t look up to Thor’s eyes.

Thor pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I love you, Brother,” he whispered. Loki started shaking with all the emotions that threatened to overwhelm him.

Finally, he looked up at Thor. Thor’s eyes were so soft, so kind as they looked at him. He smiled when Loki’s eyes met his.

When he leaned in to kiss Loki, Loki accepted it. It was all tender presses, joining back together, easing wounds they’d inflicted. Loki sighed into it.

Thor smiled at him again when they broke apart. But it quickly turned sheepish. “So, um…I had started assembling some of the furniture, before I came in here. So…can you help me put it back?”

Some of the buoyant love in Loki’s chest deflated somewhat. “Sure,” he grumbled.

It turned out Thor had tried putting together a bookshelf. He’d only managed to slot the plywood rectangles together in the carved grooves; they didn’t have the Midgardian tools required for the screws. 

As Thor worked to disassemble it, Loki looked at the other boxes. Thor had taken out the instruction diagrams for a few of them. A chair, a desk, a table, a dresser…

His hands started to shake as he picked up the fifth one. 

It was a crib.

His jaw trembled. He could see it so clearly now. That crib, sitting in a new room built in their home, maybe with a chair beside it where he could nurse the little one in the night—

Thor took a gentle hold of his wrist, stilling the shaking of the instructions held in his hand. “It’s alright,” Thor soothed. But his voice was shaking, too.

Loki looked away from Thor, trying to will his tears back in. He blinked hard.

“We don’t have to,” Thor said. “Not when it’s so painful. Thyra and Einar were enough.”

Loki’s heart nearly stopped.

He looked to Thor in shock. Thor swallowed. It must have just sunk in what he’d said out loud.

“You _named_ them?” Loki asked. His shaking voice could hardly summon any sound for the question.

Thor’s eyes darted down, then back up. He looked so remorseful. “I knew you wouldn’t want to.”

Loki looked away.

“And it felt strange to speak to them without them having names,” Thor said.

Something warm grew in Loki’s chest at that. It gave him the courage to look back to Thor with wide eyes. “You…you spoke to them, too?”

Thor looked confused. Probably because Loki wasn’t screaming at him, or even stabbing him, for revealing any of this. But he gave a small nod. “I still do,” he said quietly. “Every day.”

This was almost too much for Loki to process. Each word Thor spoke about this might be the one to break him. And yet he couldn’t help but ask, “What do you say to them?”

Thor shrugged. “A great many things. I tell them what we’re doing each day. I told them about our new home. I told them about the _Statesman_ , while we were on it.” 

_While we were on it._ So this was not a recent development. Thor had spoken to them years ago, when he’d first learned of their existences. When he had learned Thyra had died. And from the moment he'd learned of the new pregnancy, too. Einar had always heard his father’s voice.

“I told them about our friends,” Thor continued. “The ones we lost, the ones we still had. I told them about Mother and Father, but I’m sure they know them well by now.” His voice wavered on that last bit.

He wiped at his nose, sniffing. “I told them about Asgard,” he said. “I told…I told Einar what I knew of Jotunheim, and that one day I could bring him there to visit, when he was—”

He cut himself off. _Older_ , was the word he probably didn’t say. Something their son would never be.

Loki could tell now that there was a lot Thor wasn’t saying. Perhaps he’d promised Einar he’d be raised on Earth, and told him of all the people and things he loved about the planet. Things he couldn’t share with him now.

“Mostly,” Thor said, “I told them about you.”

Loki’s eyes widened.

But Thor was smiling at him. “How clever you are, how quick-witted. How you possess talents no one can match. And how deeply you can love, even if you won’t say it.” He looked down, and shrugged. “That’s why I do it, I suppose. To assure them that their parents love them so much.”

Loki stared at Thor’s bowed head. It hurt, to know that Thor had taken it upon himself to tell their children that they were loved. He had correctly guessed that Loki wouldn’t.

“Doesn’t it hurt?” Loki asked.

Thor looked back up to him. His expression answered Loki’s question before he had to say a word. “Of course it does,” Thor said. “I know my love isn’t enough. It couldn’t protect them from their deaths, and it won’t make up for how I failed them. But it’s all I have left of them.”

Loki’s mind briefly flashed to what may have become of their bodies. He forced himself away from that line of thinking, _fast._

__

__

“But with everyone I’ve ever loved,” Thor said quietly, “it’s been the same. I still love my friends on Asgard, even though they’re dead. I still love Mother and Father, even though they lied to us, and Father’s actions pitted us against each other. I still love my friends on Earth, even though they’ll all die within the next hundred years. Our children are not unique in hurting me. It hurts to love people.”

Loki’s eyes stung with tears. Thor had left a crucial name off that list.

“So why do you, when it hurts you so much?” he managed to ask.

Thor met his eyes. When he saw Loki’s oncoming tears, he must have known who specifically Loki was talking about.

A small grin rose to his face. “Because even though it’s the hardest thing to do sometimes…that doesn’t mean it’s not worth it.”

Loki felt his first tear roll down his face. But he couldn’t stop looking at Thor, at this impossible man who happened to be his brother, who thought it was worth it to love someone as difficult and broken as _him._

__

__

Thor touched his shoulder. “Let’s put these in the basement,” he said. Loki could only nod.

They’d made sure to create a basement in their home, to store all manner of salted meats and pickled vegetables through the winter. They were also storing some of their excess building materials leftover from construction. They could either expand their home with them, or wait to sell them in the intergalactic markets.

He and Thor added the boxes to this pile. Maybe one day, a Ravager captain would outfit his cabin with IKEA furniture.

By the time they’d stowed the boxes, Loki felt composed enough to speak. Even if the words were difficult to say. He got around this by letting Thor head up the stairs first, and saying them to his retreating back: “Just you.”

Thor stopped, and turned around. “What?”

Loki took a breath of courage as he climbed up the steps, to stop just below Thor. “It’s only ever been worth it with you,” he mumbled.

Thor’s face slowly split into a large grin. He reached a hand to cradle the side of Loki’s neck, and rested their foreheads together. “That means more to me than you could ever know,” he murmured. “Thank you.”

Loki smiled back. This might be the only time this century that he would come close to telling Thor that he loved him. He was glad Thor understood his words for what they meant.

When Thor went back up the stairs, Loki paused. He looked back to the boxes of furniture.

With a wave of his hand, he vanished the crib into his pocket dimension. Only then did he leave the basement.


	30. A Long-Awaited Decision

Winter came along quicker than they’d expected. But they were fortunate: Thor radiated heat, and Loki’s senses were sharpened by the cold, allowing them to maintain their food stores with fresh meat and mushrooms. And even if they’d been unlucky in their adaptability to Earth’s winters, they could have used the Bifrost to find more fruitful climes on another planet. Still, they resolved to be even better prepared for next winter.

In another stroke of luck, spring also arose quicker than Loki had anticipated. Flowers poked out of the snow almost before his very eyes. Their vegetable garden grew quickly, as well. Loki wondered if there were still traces of magic left in this world, as nothing else explained this bounty.

That is, he wondered this until he remembered which fertility god was now living in this world, helping Loki tend to their garden.

Now that he was looking for it, he could see how gourds would almost enlarge just from Thor’s touch. How berries would ripen in his fingers. How flowers would raise toward his footsteps.

Each time, it made Loki touch a hand to his lower belly. He let go as soon as he caught himself doing it. 

It was ridiculous. And yet he couldn’t help feeling _jealous_ of the plants growing on the trellis. Of how Thor’s powers could be making a seed of his own body grow larger in Loki’s womb, making Loki as round and heavy as the fruits under Thor’s hands.

It wasn’t just that. Loki kept pretending to fall asleep each night, so he could hear Thor’s whisperings. He’d figured that must be when Thor would speak to their children. It was all such mundane, nonsense mutterings, telling them about their day. 

But Loki lived for those few moments. Sometimes Thor would even place a hand on Loki’s belly, as if their babies were still in there. And he’d whisper _Thyra_ and _Einar_ like holy words. Like they were the most precious words in any language.

Loki still couldn’t bring himself to speak to them. So he let Thor speak for him, whispering to their babies that their parents loved them.

It wasn’t until he found himself wishing there was a third name alongside their son’s and daughter’s, that he realized the deeper wish that had been growing in his heart.

Still, it took him some time to come around to the idea, and agree with his subconscious that this was what he wanted. It took even longer to voice it to himself in their bathroom. He kept his voice low, in case there was a chance Thor could hear him from the other side of the house. 

When he said it, the world didn’t shatter. The grief and pain didn’t overwhelm him. He only felt…mildly happy.

But he let that sit for another week. Settling the want in his heart. Only then did he muster the courage to approach Thor about it one evening.

Thor was sitting on one of their living room couches, playing a game on one of the Stark Tablets mailed to them by the Lady Pepper for last year’s Yule. (She had at least been considerate, and had them delivered by an ambassador from the Norwegian government. The man had looked confused about what to do, as he’d ended up knocking on Loki’s magical wards as if they were a front door. But at least it wasn’t an intrusion into their space.)

Loki went to sit beside him. The game Thor was currently obsessed with involved guiding a small creature to cross a series of busy thoroughfares. The gameplay was absurdly simple, only involving tapping the screen at the right moment. A mere test of reaction time, nothing more. Thor, a battle-hardened Asgardian, had easily risen to the top of the leaderboards by a good twenty thousand points. Now he just kept trying to beat his own high score, and to unlock all the Avengers characters created for the game.

“Can I talk to you about something?” Loki asked him.

“Mm?” Thor said. His attention was still on the game, hopping what was supposed to be a pixelated version of Spider-Man across streets and train tracks.

Loki sighed. “It’s important. Can you put that down?”

“What is it?”

Loki nearly backed out of this altogether. But somewhere, he found the courage to say, “It’s about us having another child.”

Thor froze. The pixeled Spider-Man was run over by a truck, ending the game at 12,047 points. Nowhere near his latest high score. 

But the game was the last thing on Thor’s mind, as he set the tablet on a nearby table and turned his whole body toward Loki. “Wh…what?”

Loki’s heart still wouldn’t calm down. He had to keep reminding himself to breathe. “I know you’ve been wanting to,” he said. “And I know you haven’t said anything, because you knew I wasn’t ready to talk about it. But I am now. Ready, I mean.”

Thor gulped. “To talk about it? Or to try again?”

“I don’t think we’ll need to try,” Loki said. “With seed as potent as yours, it’ll only take one attempt.”

He looked down, his gaze settling somewhere near Thor’s chest. “I want a child,” he said. “I want _your_ child.” There was more he could say, about the things he’d imagined doing with their child, the things he wanted to teach them, the simple moments he wanted to share. But it would overwhelm him, so he bit back those words.

“So…” Thor said, sounding almost as nervous as Loki felt, “…when did you plan on us conceiving this child?”

Loki met his eyes again. “In an hour or so? I figured I’d need some time to summon my courage. You’ve no idea how long I practiced telling you this.”

Thor chuckled, and Loki joined him. But it was too nervous on both sides, so it died quickly. 

“Will you get me pregnant again, Brother?” Loki quietly asked.

Thor took his hand. His eyes were sparkling as he nodded. “I will.”

xxx

As promised, an hour later, Thor was moving inside Loki’s cunt. Loki was probably leaving finger-shaped bruises over Thor’s biceps, he was holding onto him so tightly. Each of Loki’s moans were swallowed by Thor’s lips.

“Loki,” Thor gasped into his mouth, “Loki, I’m close—”

Loki wrapped his legs even tighter around Thor’s hips, urging him to fuck into him as hard as he needed. But Thor wasn’t being rough, just _urgent._

__

__

Thor devoured him in another kiss. Loki reached into Thor’s hair to tug him even closer. After two years of keeping it cropped short, Thor was starting to grow it out again. The way it curled over his ears gave Loki perfect handholds in whatever sexual activity they partook in, and now was no exception.

Thor reached between them. Loki wasn’t sure why, until he felt a surge of pleasure in his own cock. “Don’t,” he said between gasps, batting Thor’s hand away. “I’ll come when you do, I…I want to _feel this_ …”

Thor obeyed. He focused all his efforts on snapping his hips, too close to the brink to even coordinate kissing.

He groaned loudly, drove in one final time, and then… _there._

__

__

Loki only felt the first pulse of Thor’s seed, before an orgasm suddenly broke through him. He shouted from its force, shaking and spilling and spasming and sobbing with it all.

The next thing he knew, he was waking in the darkness with Thor’s hand on his cheek. It took him a few seconds to realize what had happened. He’d lost consciousness, as usually happened when Thor came in his cunt when his body was whole.

He blinked. He grew frightened as he realized what had just occurred, and what it meant. But a second later, he met Thor’s eyes. His brother was smiling down on him with such tenderness. “Do you think it worked?” Thor whispered.

Loki felt a drop of come trickle out of him. He nodded. “I know it did.”

Thor exhaled. It sounded almost like a sob. In fact, Loki could almost see how Thor’s eyes were misty.

Thor leaned in and kissed him. Loki did his best to hold Thor close as he responded. They were both feeling so much, fear and excitement and everything in between. They needed to be strong for each other now.

And for their third child.


	31. With Great Power

Their giddy anticipation as upcoming parents lasted all the way through the first trimester. For the first time, they knew of the conception from the moment it happened, so they could revel in the knowledge of their new baby’s existence from the start.

Loki’s morning sickness lasted all through the day. But even that didn’t dampen his spirits. He knew it would fade in a few months.

But when it did, something uglier took its place.

At three months, Loki grew anxious. He would fidget with whatever he held in his hands, and would pace around the house even late into the night.

Thor stopped him one night, blinking sleep from his remaining eye as he grasped Loki’s shoulders. “Come to bed,” he croaked in a sleep-rusty voice.

“In a moment,” Loki said.

Thor sighed. “You always say that, and then you’re up for another few hours. But I think I know why.”

His hands cupped Loki’s face, bringing his gaze up to Thor’s. “I know you’re at twelve weeks now,” Thor murmured. “But you’re safe here. Nothing bad is going to happen to the child. Or to you.”

Loki exhaled. But something prideful in him still wasn’t letting him succumb to the comfort of his brother’s words.

Thor knew that, though. He wrapped Loki in his arms, holding him close. “It’s alright,” he whispered, rubbing Loki’s back.

Muscle by muscle, Loki began to relax in Thor’s hold. Soon he was melting into Thor’s arms, leaning all his weight on him. He knew Thor would hold him up.

They stood there for a long time in their living room. Eventually, Thor shifted to kiss Loki’s forehead. “Come to bed?” he asked.

Loki just nodded, and complied.

But a month later, it was Thor’s turn.

They were arguing about something. Perhaps it was to do with helping the Avengers with their next mission (Thor was in favor, Loki was opposed). Perhaps it was to do with the need to patrol New Asgard’s borders for potential trespassers (Loki was in favor, Thor was opposed). Perhaps it was even something domestic, like whose turn it was to do the washing up (“You can just do it in two seconds with your magic!” Thor griped, while Loki retorted, “That’s not the point! It’s the principle of the thing!”).

But whatever it was, they had gone from their usual bickering to a full-on shouting match in less than five minutes. Loki was getting a headache from it all. “You’re being absurd,” he said, massaging his temples. “If you would just listen to me—”

“What’s even the point,” Thor shouted, “when you refuse to see reason in the face of your own inflexible beliefs?”

“ _I’m_ inflexible? You’re so pigheaded, you don’t know how to solve any problem beyond hitting it with progressively larger sticks!”

“Does it give you satisfaction to insult me, rather than talking about the matter at hand?”

“I would talk about the matter at hand, if you would _just listen to me_ —”

_“I AM LISTENING!”_

__

__

As Thor’s temper snapped, lightning burst forth from his every pore, burning the walls and blowing out the windows.

Such a display would have seriously injured Loki, if he hadn’t thrown up a defensive shield with his own magic at the last second. Still, the burn marks on the floor around him were too close for comfort.

 _“Are you out of your mind?”_ Loki screeched in Thor’s direction. _“What could have happened to the child, if you’d hit me?”_

__

__

Thor stumbled back. He looked mortified.

A perverse satisfaction grew in Loki’s chest upon seeing it. But it was snuffed out a second later, as Thor turned and fled.

And not for another room in the house. He headed for the front door, grabbing Storm on his way out.

Loki’s face fell. “Thor, come on…”

But Thor wasn’t listening. He threw the door open with such force it fell from its top hinges.

“Thor, wait—”

Thor strode to the cliffs of the fjord, and held Storm aloft.

_“Thor!”_

__

__

He summoned the Bifrost, whisking him away to who knows where.

Loki closed his eyes with a barely-contained sigh. He rubbed the hardly-visible bump of his belly, trying to soothe his own heart rate.

When Thor had possessed Mjolnir, he’d flown away from their arguments a handful of times. But Storm and Breaker opened up any corner of the _universe_ for him to flee to.

So Loki hadn’t the faintest idea where Thor could have gone.

With an absent wave of his hand, Loki cleaned up and reassembled the house with his magic. Reassembling his relationship with his brother/co-king/lover/de-facto-husband/father-of-his-child, however, would take much more work.

But for now, all he could do was wait for Thor to return.

xxx

It took until the evening. Loki was reading in his library when he heard the Bifrost open outside. He put his book down without another thought.

He considered picking up Breaker on his way out the door, as he didn’t know what mood Thor might be in. But he decided against it. Thor hadn’t meant to unleash his power on him earlier, and had stormed off because he was upset. It was all in the heat of the moment.

Whereas now, the instant Thor laid eyes on him, he dropped Storm in the grass and held up his hands in a clear ‘I mean no harm’ gesture.

Loki waved him in. “Come inside,” he said.

Thor looked confused for a second. Had he not thought he would be invited in? It was his home too, as much as it was Loki’s.

But Loki could deal with Thor’s self-doubts and guilt once they were settled inside. He turned to walk into the kitchen, trusting Thor would follow him.

While he busied himself with getting two mugs and the right ingredients, Thor came to a stop at the edge of the tiles. As if the kitchen were a safe zone he could not venture into. “Loki,” he said in a near-whisper, “I am so, so sorry—”

“I know,” Loki said. “We’ll talk about it when we have our drinks.”

Thor stayed silent as Loki finished creating said drinks. He made sure to layer extra marshmallows on top of Thor’s before he passed it to him.

Thor’s brow furrowed as he took it. “Why cocoa?”

“Because we have four drinks available,” Loki said. “We have beer, but I can’t drink that. We have tea, but you refuse to drink that. We have water, but that will do nothing to relax us. So, cocoa it is.”

Thor didn’t question it any further. He blew on his cocoa and took a sip.

They nursed their drinks in silence for a few minutes, before Loki spoke. “So, about earlier.”

Thor’s remorse rewrote itself all over his face as he looked up at Loki. “I am _so_ sorry, Loki. I should never have let my temper get the best of me. I would rather die than seriously injure you, or put our child in danger.”

“I know,” Loki said softly. “And I do forgive you. I know it was not your intent.”

Thor looked thrown off by Loki’s words. Loki could understand why, as he had quite the reputation for holding onto old wounds long past their expiration date. And who knows, maybe he would still dredge up this incident in a future fight with Thor.

But he’d earned that reputation years ago, when he was still the second-best Prince of Asgard. He liked to think he’d grown beyond the simple ‘no’ that had defined his existence in those years.

Perhaps Thor understood that, too, the way he gave Loki a cautious smile. But it quickly vanished, as he looked down at the tiled floor. “What scares me,” he murmured to his feet, “is how quickly I snapped. Perhaps…” His voice shrank even further. “…Perhaps I should not be around you while you are in this condition.”

“So once our child is born, you think it will be alright to return here, and risk this same destruction in the home they will be raised in?” Loki asked. “If the solution is for us to separate, it would have to be permanent.”

Thor gave him such a pained look then. Loki quickly stepped in to wash it away. “I’m not suggesting separation is the solution,” he assured Thor. “I’m suggesting that we not escalate our disagreements to that point.”

Thor immediately looked more at ease. Loki felt the same way. The idea of never again seeing Thor had woken such pain in the pit of his stomach.

Thor nodded to his last statement. “I agree. Although that’s what frightens me. I don’t know how I got to that point. We’ve had fights close to that in the last year, and I’ve never exploded my power at you like that.”

He had a point. But then it suddenly hit Loki what was different about this time.

“I think I know why,” he said. Thor looked to him. “It’s because I’m seventeen weeks pregnant.”

Horrified understanding dawned on Thor’s face. He took in a shuddering breath. 

“We’ve both been on edge this week,” Loki continued, “and I didn’t understand why until now.”

Thor’s eyes slid away from him, down to the floor again. Loki’s joined him. They stood there in silence, grappling with the phantom of that terrible memory that had stirred to life once more.

Loki looked up when he felt fingertips ghost over the back of his hand. But Thor drew his hand back right away, his face betraying his caution. Perhaps he was worried Loki wouldn’t want to be touched right now.

But Loki couldn’t stand that abundance of tiptoeing around him, not when it came from Thor. So he decisively grabbed Thor’s hand.

Yet even that wasn’t enough. He wasn’t sure who moved first, but either way, they were setting their drinks on the counter and holding each other a second later, squeezing their eyes shut against the grief of their last seventeen-week pregnancy. And against their fear about this current one.

But the ozone that perpetually clung to Thor’s skin was enough to help soothe Loki. Thor had always said that Loki’s magic left a sweet spice on his own skin, which Thor found comforting. So, second by second, breath by breath, they helped calm each other’s hearts.

“It’s like you kept telling me a month ago,” Loki said after a while. “Thanos is dead. No other threat in the universe comes close to rivaling his power. And we each possess more power as Allfathers now than we ever did when he last hurt us. Our family is safer now than it has ever been.”

Thor nodded against his neck. “Our greatest threat now, it seems, is each other.”

Loki’s arms tightened around Thor. “You are no threat to me, Brother. Nor I to you. But we still must be mindful of how powerful we have both become, and what damage we can cause, even without meaning to.”

“Yes,” Thor said. “And we’re going to be parents now. We can’t let our fights escalate like we did when we were merely brothers. Like you said earlier.”

Even if it was what he’d said earlier, the prospect still gave Loki pause. They were Allfathers now. (Or perhaps since Loki was a mother-to-be, he was technically more of an Allmother? He and Thor hadn’t finalized the terminology yet.) When they had been princes, the repercussions of their fights usually only extended to themselves. But as upcoming heads of a household, their every action would affect those dependent on them. Their days of attacking each other at every turn _needed_ to be behind them.

“So,” Loki said, “we won’t go for each other’s jugular at the slightest provocation. Agreed?”

“Agreed,” Thor said. Then he started chuckling. “Maybe we’ll need to do what every couple does, and channel our aggression into angry sex.”

Well. The thought did have some merit. Not one of Thor’s worse ideas, to be sure.

Loki pulled back to look at Thor. “But I’m not angry with you.”

Thor smiled. “Then what about makeup sex?”

Loki grinned in return. Again, another of Thor’s less-than-terrible ideas.

xxx

Three hours later, they were strewn over their bed with a haphazard collection of sheets and pillows, panting on their backs in the wake of the best marathon of sex they’d had in the last fifty years.

“This was definitely a good idea,” Loki panted.

Thor nodded, gasping. “Yeah. Yeah, it was.”


	32. First Snowfall

For the first time in Loki’s life, his pregnancy lasted more than seventeen weeks. He kept needing to remind himself he wasn’t dreaming.

His belly grew. His body softened. His breasts, while still quite small by a woman’s standards, could no longer be mistaken for anything else. (When Thor had noticed, it had taken threats of castration to get him to stop assaulting them with hands and mouth every time Loki walked in the room.)

Loki’s vomiting ceased. But instead, he ached everywhere. His back ached from the strain of the new weight. His nipples ached as they grew and hardened. His ankles ached from swelling. His kidneys ached as the baby pushed on them. His head ached because every other body part had a reason, so his head might as well join in the fun!

Thor did his best to help. He gave Loki massages three times a day. He helped rub the creams Loki had created onto new stretch marks and aching nipples. He even ran low levels of electric current through Loki's muscles in the evening, to help them relax from the daily strain.

But Loki quickly learned that the best way to manage his own discomfort was to cool himself down. 

At first, just holding an ice cube helped. Then, he took more frequent baths at cooler temperatures. The basement was around twenty degrees cooler than the rest of the house, so he spent larger and larger chunks of the day down there.

His need for cold seemed to grow as he reached the later stages of pregnancy. Fortunately, they’d conceived the child close to the spring equinox, so as his need grew, the temperatures outside dropped.

Thor was away when the first snow fell. He’d gone to Phaloria, a planet where he knew he could barter for some first-rate medical equipment. Loki wasn’t going to entrust the birth of his child to a human doctor, after all.

But Loki was alone. So after attending to their food stores and finalizing some decorations to the nursery they’d added to the house, he decided to enjoy the snow.

His aches faded almost the moment he stepped outside. His relief only grew with each snowflake that landed on his skin. He didn’t bother with extra layers; he was a Frost Giant, after all. That was why he was craving the cold in the first place.

So, he wore his usual loungewear of a tunic and trousers, and walked through the snow with bare feet. It was like walking through grass for him.

He found a few large rocks that would suffice for a place to sit. There he planted himself, drawing random patterns in the snow with his fingers, burrowing his feet in it. Enjoying the stillness around him. As much as he loved Thor, he did crave quiet and solitude every so often.

Even the baby had stilled within him. The little one was constantly moving, which was now more of a discomfort than the jubilant occurrence it had first been. But now, they were still. It didn’t concern Loki; it felt like more of an ‘Oh wait, what is this?’ than anything else. As if the baby had also been craving the cold.

Loki looked down at his stomach. He was at thirty-four weeks now. And it _showed_. There was no mistaking his condition for anything other than pregnancy, with how round his belly was.

Loki was far more relaxed about it now. That had all shifted around week thirty, once he knew there was a good chance that the baby could survive being born. He and Thor were almost certainly going to be parents this time.

Speaking of Thor, Loki could now hear those familiar footsteps of his brother behind him, trudging through the snow.

Thor sat on a rock next to Loki. Their thighs nearly touched, they were so close. Loki could feel Thor’s body heat even more acutely. Thor was shivering hard. Loki could hear it in every breath Thor took, as he tried to breathe warmth into himself.

Loki looked at him. Sure enough, Thor was _freezing_. He must have wrapped himself in at least six different layers of jackets and blankets, but the cold still bit at his bones. It was winter in Norway, after all.

He must have come here to tell Loki he was back. “Did you get what we needed?” Loki asked.

Thor just nodded. His face was flushed from the cold. There were snowflakes sticking to his eyebrows, lashes, and beard. He was so goddamn _beautiful._

__

__

Loki flashed him a smile, as if to say, _It’s okay to go back inside now._

__

__

But Thor didn’t move. He was just looking at Loki. Well, it had started out as looking, and was quickly turning into _staring_. Which, yes, Thor had become quite enamored with Loki’s body as the pregnancy progressed. Whether it was the fertility god in him, or just the man in him, Loki wasn’t sure. (Not that he was complaining about his number of daily orgasms increasing from three to five.)

So Loki raised his eyebrows at Thor, and turned away. But Thor didn’t take the hint. He kept ogling Loki, even as he loudly shivered.

Loki couldn’t stand hearing that for much longer. “You’ll catch your death,” he said. “Go back inside.”

Thor just shook his head. “In a moment,” he said through chattering teeth. Loki sighed, his breath producing a cloud of vapor. Fine. Let Thor suffer, if he didn’t want to move.

But then Thor took his hand. And it _burned._

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Loki looked down at it. Only then did he realize why. Why Thor felt so much warmer, and why he kept staring at Loki.

Loki’s hand was blue.

Loki started blushing as he saw it. His whole face must be blue, too! His eyes must be red! Why the fuck hadn’t he thought of this in advance, so he could have hidden the moment Thor came back?

He tried to let go of Thor’s hand. But Thor just gripped it harder, keeping Loki in place.

Loki looked at Thor, bracing for the look of disgust and contempt. But while Thor was still shivering, that looked to be his only discomfort.

He was smiling. And his eyes looked so kind.

Loki didn’t know how to react to that. 

“Do you really think I could ever hate what you look like?” Thor asked softly.

Loki had to remind himself to breathe after hearing that. He looked away. The love in Thor’s eyes was too much for him to handle right now.

He took a deep breath. A nine-year knot in his throat had suddenly loosened.

Tears gathered in his eyes. They froze into small crystals on his eyelashes. If Thor saw them, he didn’t say anything. He sat in silence with Loki, still shivering, but still holding his hand. 

When he went back inside, Loki went with him. He then proceeded to give Thor the best blowjob of his entire life.


	33. The Winter Solstice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why look, it's the longest chapter of the story! Because it's finally the time we've all been waiting for: baby time :) If you don't like graphic birth scenes maybe don't read this? Idk, I think it's lovely, but you do you.
> 
> I may have gone too far with the sappy feels, to the point that this might feel a bit out of character for Loki. But idgaf because deep down, I'm a sap.

Of course it was on the winter solstice. They both should have foreseen it. Loki was a Frost Giant, after all, his body functioned best in the cold! Of course his body would wait until it sensed the coldest, darkest part of the year!

But instead, they went about their business. Thor checked Loki over with the Midwife’s Helper™, which was essentially a scanner that attached to a pregnant belly and displayed all manner of helpful health information about mother and child. It had been the most important piece of equipment Thor had acquired on Phaloria.

Everything was normal. Their baby was still healthy, and so was Loki. So, he and Thor carried on with the rest of their morning.

They made love as gently they could. They ate breakfast. They tabulated their food stores. Thor decided to try his luck with hunting again with the scant daylight available. Loki wanted to take a nap. So, after making love again to slake their appetites for the rest of the day, Loki fell asleep.

When he woke, it felt like his skin was on fire, and his belly was being ripped apart with contractions.

He panted. He was suffocating! He needed relief!

His first thought was the basement, but he didn’t feel he could walk that far, let alone down any stairs when he couldn’t see his own feet under his belly. His instincts were screaming at him to strip naked and find a snowdrift outside, but he was at least lucid enough to talk himself out of that idea.

He compromised by filling the bathing pool in the floor of their bathroom with cold water. He’d convinced Thor to let him run some of his magic through the pipes, to chill some of the water as quickly as possible. It usually more than satisfied his latest needs for cold.

But while it took away the edge from the heat when he submerged himself in the pool, it still wasn’t enough. He needed more cold, _now!_

__

__

He tried conjuring some ice from his fingertips, but nothing came out. It must be to do with the mounting contractions sapping away his energy. Just when the power he’d resisted for so long was required, it wouldn’t work!

Not sure what else to do, he darted as fast as he could to the front door. His magic levitated some snow into the air. 

He flung it in the direction of the bathroom just as another wave of agony wracked his abdomen. He cried out and fell to his knees. He must be quite the sight: blue, naked, and pregnant, on his knees in his front doorway.

Fortunately, the only other person in three hundred miles was the person who saw him naked every day. Even if he was _the idiot who had CAUSED LOKI’S CURRENT STATE!_

__

__

But some part of Loki was cognizant enough to know that getting mad at Thor wouldn’t help. He had to get to the bathroom, to submerge himself in ice water and snow. Then it would be better.

Most of the snow had made it to the pool, thank the Norns. Loki didn’t waste any time clambering in.

He sighed. Relief. Blessed, blessed relief!

That is, until five minutes later, when another wave of pain hit. This one lasted almost a full minute. He groaned through it.

He knew that contractions should be measured in their duration and time in between. But these surely had to be false contractions, which the humans had named after two of their scientists (Braxton and something?). 

He fumbled around their bedroom with his magic for the Midwife’s Helper™. After missing and retrieving a book, a shirt, and Thor’s tablet, he finally nabbed the damn device. He stuck it on his belly and waited.

 _“Contractions seven minutes apart with forty-three second average duration,”_ the disembodied woman’s voice reported. _“Labor is likely in progress.”_

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Loki groaned again in frustration. “What the Hel does ‘likely’ mean?!” he yelled at the damn device.

He got no answer, of course. And for the next four hours, he could only listen to that same unhelpful report over and over. The average time apart and duration of contractions changed, which was the part he was probably supposed to be listening to. But it always ended the same: _“Labor is likely in progress.”_

__

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Four hours became five. Then six. All he could do was lean on the edge of the bath, rocking from side to side, listening to the stupid voice. Until he felt a strange sensation, like he’d just pissed himself in the bath. That is, if he was capable of pissing from his cunt, rather than his cock.

 _“The amniotic sac has burst,”_ the voice said. _“Congratulations. You are officially in active labor.”_

__

__

_“I COULD HAVE TOLD YOU THAT!”_ Loki roared.

 _“Cervix is now five-point-two centimeters dilated,”_ the voice continued. _“Please refrain from pushing until further notice.”_

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Loki slumped forward as far as his belly would allow. He had been feeling the urge to bear down with the pain for at least the last hour. And the sensation was only mounting. But he had to _wait?_

__

__

After another hour of listening to the glacial progress of his dilation, he didn’t know if he could take this anymore. “I’m sorry,” he pleaded to his child, “I don’t know if I can do this.”

At that moment, he heard something thud near their front door. The front door he now remembered he’d left wide open. That probably explained the frantic footsteps he then heard racing through the house.

Thor burst into the bathroom a second later. He was still bundled in his furs. He had some blood staining his hands. And his eyes looked _wild_. If Loki weren’t about to give birth, he would have climbed on Thor’s cock right then and there.

“Is it time?” Thor squeaked. One would be forgiven for thinking the sound came from a dormouse.

Before Loki could get one word out, the Midwife’s Helper™ reported, _“Cervix is now eight-point-six centimeters dilated. Please refrain from pushing until further notice.”_

__

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Thor just stood there, panting from when he’d run in from the cold. Loki stared at him from the bath, panting from the near-constant contractions urging him to push before it was time. Neither of them said a word.

Thor moved. He went to the edge of the bathing pool and knelt before Loki. “How long?”

“Since—” Loki tried to speak through the agony, “since—midday—”

Thor’s eyes widened. He reached to the Midwife’s Helper™, bringing up the projected holographic display. Loki hadn’t even thought about checking that.

Thor flicked through all the pertinent information, reading the heart rates, blood oxygen saturation, and contraction history. He stopped at a real-time diagram of the baby’s position inside Loki. They were upside-down as they were supposed to be, with the head pressed against Loki’s cervix. So that was where the intense pressure was coming from.

“Right,” Thor said. He rose and headed back to the bedroom.

Loki panicked. “Where are you going?” he asked, his voice several octaves higher than usual.

“Getting what you might need,” Thor called back to him. “I’ll be right back.”

Loki rested his forehead on the edge of the pool again. Another strong contraction was building, squeezing out room for anything else in his awareness. He moaned through it. It must have gone on for hours. _Days_ , even.

But just as it eased off, Thor was kneeling at the edge again, his hand on Loki's cheek to bring his face back up. “I’m back,” Thor soothed. “I’m here.”

_“Cervix is now eight-point-nine centimeters dilated. Please refrain from pushing—”_

__

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“WILL YOU SHUT UP?” Loki shrieked.

_“—until further notice.”_

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__

Loki couldn’t help his tears of pain and frustration. How was he supposed to hold off from pushing, when every cell in his body was screaming at him to push right now?

“You’re almost there,” Thor shushed him as he stroked Loki’s hair. “Just one more centimeter to go.”

Loki sobbed. But with Thor’s touch, and his voice, it seemed a little less daunting.

“Just a bit longer, Brother,” Thor said, “it won’t be long now.”

Loki looked up at Thor through teary eyes. “How are you this calm right now?” he managed to ask.

Thor smiled at him. “Because you need me to be.”

Okay, as soon as Loki was physically able to engage in sexual activity again, he was giving Thor his choice of holes for the night. But for now, all he could do was bite back his whimpers of pain, and lean into Thor’s gentle touch.

He didn’t even care that Thor’s hands were still stained with the blood of some creature or other. “Did the”—another moan of pain—“did the hunt go well?”

“Mm-hm,” Thor said, still so softly. “I tracked a red deer with a broken hind leg. He was a yearling. I landed my knife right between his eyes. He never felt a thing.”

Loki nodded as best he could. Another contraction was building. “Wonderful. Do you think you could do the same thing to me right now?”

Thor chuckled. “You can do this, Little Brother. Just hold on. Just a bit longer, and you can push.”

Oh, Norns. Thor really was pulling out all the stops. He only called Loki ‘ _Little_ Brother’ when Loki’s need for comfort overrode his pride. Loki could count on one hand the number of times in his life that had happened.

Speaking of counting, the Midwife’s Helper™ was reporting some promising measurements. _“Cervix is now nine-point-three centimeters dilated. Please refrain from pushing until further notice.”_

__

__

“You see?” Thor said. “It won’t be long now.”

He kept stroking Loki’s hair, murmuring encouragements. Loki greedily drank it all up. He rocked side to side. He moaned when his near-constant contractions mounted in intensity.

He screamed at a particularly sharp one. It took all his willpower to resist pushing. “Thor, I—I need—”

“What do you need?”

But Loki couldn’t articulate it further. He only knew the words _push_ and _Thor_ and _NOW._

__

__

_“Cervix is now nine-point-seven centimeters dilated. Please refrain from pushing until further notice.”_

__

__

“Thor—” Loki whimpered.

Thor stood. Despair nearly swallowed Loki whole. 

That is, until he saw what Thor was doing. He could only watch as Thor started stripping off his layers. Furs, boots, armor, tunic, trousers—

“What are you doing?”

“You need me,” was all Thor said. He stepped out of his underclothes, now as naked as Loki.

Then he started to step into the bath.

Loki wanted to articulate his concern, but all he could think to say was, “It’s cold.” That was an understatement; there were goddamn _ice crystals_ forming on the edge of the pool.

“Yeah,” Thor said, “I noticed. So we’d better make this child count, because—”

His next words were stolen as he made it waist-deep in the pool with a loud gasp. Loki could imagine how quickly Thor’s balls had retreated inside him. If they hadn’t been frozen off, that is. Hence the need to make his and Loki’s imminent child count.

But Thor didn’t show any more outward signs of his discomfort. He went to Loki and wrapped him in his arms. “I’ve got you, Brother, I’ve got you,” he murmured in Loki’s ear.

Loki clung to him for dear life as best he could with his bulging belly between them. He could feel how badly Thor was starting to shiver. Loki’s Jotun flesh against his must not be helping matters. His own skin felt like fire against Loki’s.

But Loki didn’t care. In this moment, he would rather feel Thor’s scalding flesh wrapped around him than face this torment alone.

_“Cervix is now ten centimeters dilated. Commence pushing in five, four, three—”_

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__

Loki’s eyes startled up to Thor’s. He hadn’t thought it would happen so soon! He wasn’t ready for this!

But Thor just gripped Loki’s biceps tightly. “Hold onto me,” he whispered.

_“—two, one. Commence pushing now.”_

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__

Loki screamed as he bore down with all his might. Immediately he wanted to slap his past self of five seconds ago, for thinking that the first stage of labor had been difficult. This was the worst agony of his entire _life._

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All he could do was brace himself on Thor and scream through it. Thor held him firmly, telling him to keep going, that he was doing so well, that he could do this. 

Five hundred years later (or at least it felt like it), the Midwife’s Helper™ spoke again. _“You may now stop pushing and rest.”_

__

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Loki panted in relief. “Norns, I thought it would never end.”

“It was ten seconds, Loki.”

_“What?”_

__

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Thor started rubbing his back. “Just relax now. You’re doing so well.”

_“Progress is minimal.”_

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Now it was Thor’s turn to yell at the Norns-forsaken device. “Will you _shut up_ , I’m trying to encourage my brother!”

The device didn’t listen, of course. _“The baby has moved one-point-three centimeters. More force will be required. Pushing will commence in twenty-six seconds.”_

__

__

Loki wilted in Thor’s arms. “I can’t do this,” he moaned weakly.

“Yes, you can,” Thor said. Loki could hear how he was trying not to chatter his teeth too much. “You can, and you will. I’ll get you through this.”

And so it went. Loki pushed for ten seconds, then got thirty seconds of rest before pushing for another ten. Thor never ran out of encouraging words to say to him, no matter what the damn Midwife’s Helper™ told them.

Each time, Loki thought he had run out of strength, and couldn’t go on any further. But somehow, he found it in himself to push once more. As Thor told him, even if it was just half a centimeter of progress, it was still progress.

It didn’t feel like it at the time. But slowly, over the next half hour, the baby made its way down Loki’s birth canal.

Soon he felt something stretching him so much he thought it would tear him to pieces. It was one thing to know conceptually that his baby had a head, and quite another to feel it against his vaginal walls.

When he was allowed to relax again, the Midwife’s Helper™ said something new: _“The baby’s head is crowning. The next push will be for fifteen seconds. It will commence in forty-five seconds.”_

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Loki groaned. Each ten-second push had been agony enough, now he had to go for _fifteen?_

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“Loki,” Thor said. “I’m going to feel for the head, is that alright?”

Loki just nodded. One of Thor’s arms let go of him and splashed into the water. A shudder went through Thor as yet another body part was submerged in the icy pool.

A few seconds after reaching between Loki’s legs, Thor’s eyes widened. “Loki. It has _hair_.”

Loki gasped. He was sure his eyes had the same teary look as Thor’s did upon learning that. Though they’d had the ability to image the child in fine detail, they’d left it to the necessities required to check its health. Their previous experiences made anything else too difficult to bear.

But their baby was still healthy, and about to be born at thirty-eight weeks. And its head had hair.

Loki curled closer to Thor. Thor just held him there, rubbing his back and kissing his temple. This time, it was really going to happen.

Far, far too soon, the Midwife’s Helper™ spoke up again. _“Commence pushing in five, four—”_

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Loki clung to Thor’s shoulders. From what he’d read of childbirth, this was the most excruciating part.

_“—three, two—”_

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“I’ve got you, Loki.”

_“—one. Commence pushing now.”_

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__

Loki had never screamed as loudly as he did at that moment. Not even the Maw had wrenched such wails from his throat.

But this was still better than the Maw’s torture. This pain was for a purpose, and Thor was here with him now. And this was much more likely to end with his child’s life, rather than its death.

So as much as Loki wanted to, he knew he couldn’t let up. He forced himself to keep pushing through all fifteen seconds prescribed by the device. At the end of it, he felt a sudden release from the worst of the pain in his vaginal opening.

 _“You may now stop pushing and rest,”_ the device said. _“Pushing will commence in forty-two seconds.”_

__

__

Loki sagged onto Thor again as his knees buckled. But Thor’s strength didn’t fail him.

“You’re doing so well,” Thor said. “You’re almost there. The head is out. Just one more push or two and it’ll be over.”

Loki sobbed upon hearing that. “Can you feel the head?”

Thor reached to it. He smiled. “I’ve got it.” 

Loki let out a breath of relief. It was a stupid thought to have, but he believed it deep in his soul: if their baby’s fate was in Thor’s hands, it would all be okay.

 _“Prepare for the final expulsion,”_ the Midwife’s Helper™ said. _“If you have someone to assist you, please instruct them to catch your baby once the shoulders are breached.”_

__

__

Loki snorted. This device was far too cheerful about such things. He didn’t know how someone could go through this process without having someone assist them. 

“Will you—” he started to ask, but Thor nodded before he needed to finish.

“I’ll need to crouch in the water to catch them,” he said, “so you’ll have to brace yourself on the edge behind you.” He placed Loki’s hands on the edge of the pool. “But I won’t go under until right before you start to push.”

Loki sucked in a breath to fortify himself for that. “It’ll be cold,” he said.

Thor laughed through still-chattering teeth. “Well, I can’t feel my legs anymore, so I think I’ll be fine.”

Loki could only stare at him in bewilderment. Not once had Thor been stereotypically afraid or clueless, as fathers were often portrayed as being around childbirth. Yes, they had a medical device guiding them through each step, and Thor had faced the worst horrors of the universe and emerged with a smile. But it was still awe-inspiring to see.

“Aren’t you afraid?” he asked Thor.

Thor flashed him a grin, which melted away as quickly as it appeared. “I’m terrified.”

For some reason, that was reassuring for Loki to hear. It meant he wasn’t the only one.

_“Commence pushing in five—”_

__

__

“You’ll be fine, Loki,” Thor said. “You can do this.”

_“—four, three—”_

__

__

“Push as hard as you possibly can, and this will be over.”

_“—two, one. Commence pushing now.”_

__

__

Loki didn’t hear Thor’s deep breath in before he disappeared underwater. He was too busy screaming so loud the wolves started to howl outside in response. He would probably lose his voice after this.

The head hadn’t been the worst part. The shoulders were a thousand times worse than that. It stretched his vaginal opening even more. It was going to tear him, he was going to bleed out, and his child would die still attached to him!

But he couldn’t let that happen. He had to push the baby out. He was a King of Asgard, he had lived past the death of every one of his torturers! He wasn’t meant to die at the final moment of triumph over what they’d done to him!

So he screamed himself hoarse as he pushed with every ounce of his strength. He could feel the brush of Thor’s fingers around his stretched vaginal opening, trying to help pull the shoulders free. But that alone wouldn’t be enough; this was still up to Loki. The harder he pushed, the sooner this would be over, it just needed to be _over—_

__

__

Then it was over.

He gasped in relief. The burning was gone. It was over. He’d done it.

Then it was Thor’s turn to gasp, as he emerged from the water. They both panted, Loki from the exertion, Thor from holding his breath. It was over now.

The next sound was not a gasp, but a high-pitched cry.

Loki’s brain lasered in on that cry, screaming _That’s mine!_ He looked to the sound.

There, cradled in Thor’s arms, was a tiny blue baby. 

_His baby._

__

__

_Their baby._

__

__

Loki started sobbing with the overwhelm of it all. Thor was sobbing, too. All three of them ( _three of them!_ ) were crying now.

Loki was so overcome he didn’t know how to summon words to ask for the baby. Even though that was the only thing he wanted right now. But a second later, Thor gave him the squirming little one, sobbing out, “Here she is.”

“She,” Loki breathed. Thor just nodded.

The Midwife’s Helper™ started saying something then, rattling off various medical statistics. Loki only caught the word ‘healthy,’ which was all he needed to hear. His daughter was healthy. And she was _alive._

__

__

Loki tuned out the rest of the device’s words. He could only focus on his daughter held against his breast. Her hair was soaked in water. Her Jotun skin was slippery with it. Her face scrunched up purple as she worked her lungs for the first time. One of her arms flailed out in the air.

All the pain of the last several hours, of the last nine years, of Loki’s entire life, was worth getting him to this moment.

xxx

Thor got out and bundled himself in dry clothes and blankets as soon as possible. Loki couldn’t fault him for it. A frozen Thor wouldn’t be able to help him with anything after the birth.

When the Midwife’s Helper™ announced it was the optimal time to cut the umbilical cord, Thor grabbed Breaker from the front room. Loki let him do the honors. He didn’t want to move from his current position of holding their daughter. _Their daughter, his daughter, his healthy baby!_

__

__

Indeed, Loki didn’t take his eyes off their baby girl once he had her in his arms. He therefore missed a lot of what Thor did after that. He did remember seeing a bowl at one point, which he later learned was for the placenta. He didn’t remember delivering the placenta, though. The memory lapse would be concerning, had he not been releasing the strongest burst of pain-relieving and bonding neurotransmitters of his life.

The next thing he remembered was Thor helping him out of the bath and onto his enchanted green blanket. One too many nights of pushing Thor away for being ‘too warm’ had prompted said enchantment. It felt sufficiently cold to Loki, but felt room-temperature to Thor.

After being wrapped in the blanket, Loki remembered feeling Thor rubbing some gel-like substance along his vaginal canal, saying something about “for the pain.” Thor then picked him up and carried him to their bed. Loki never once let go of their baby. He didn’t even want to blink as he looked at her.

Thor helped him situate on his side, curled up around their baby. He petted Loki’s hair. “I need to take care of the deer, okay?”

“Hm?”

“The yearling I killed. I dropped him on the doorstep when I ran to you. We can’t have wolves gathering around our newborn’s crib.”

Loki didn’t realize he was curling even more protectively around his daughter. “I’d kill the whole pack.” He still sounded half-drunk in the wake of the labor.

Thor chuckled. “As would I.” He kissed Loki’s forehead. “I’ll be right back.”

Loki managed a weak smile. When Thor left, he took care to shut the bedroom door as quietly as possible. Giving Loki and their baby the peace they needed, in which they could rest and bond.

Loki burrowed into the blanket even further. He and his daughter were both still naked and wet underneath, for which he was grateful. He instinctively wanted to create as womb-like an environment for her as possible, to ease her transition into the world.

She squirmed a little, and fussed. Her eyes squeezed even more tightly shut. “Shhh,” Loki soothed. A twist of his hand dimmed all the lights. Frost Giants saw better in low light anyway, and anything too bright wouldn’t be comfortable for her.

He marveled at her. There had never been as beautiful a baby as her. Her cerulean skin was so smooth to the touch, her raised markings so elegant! Her fingers and toes (ten of each, he noted) were so long for a baby’s! Her ears were shaped just like his, and her hair…

Her hair was drying, so Loki could now see that it was the same dark blond shade as her father’s. His heart thudded louder as he noticed that.

“Aren’t you the most precious thing,” he whispered. “Do you know how long I’ve waited to meet you? How much I went through to finally be here with you now?” His thumb stroked her cheek. “And it was all worth it, every second of it. Because now I get to be with you. My lovely girl.”

She made a soft sound and moved closer to him. Loki sobbed as he realized that. She wanted to be closer to him, to his body temperature, to the sound of his voice. After centuries of so many others treating him with contempt or suspicion, this thirty-minute-old infant knew him as her safety. She _wanted_ to be with him, above all others!

He held her closer to his chest. She’d heard his heartbeat all around her for months. That was all she knew. He would give her what helped her feel safe, especially if that meant himself. He only hoped he would be worthy of that honor. His kiss to her sweet little head promised that he would try to be.

Just then, he heard a faraway voice yell out, _“I’M A FATHER!”_

__

__

Loki couldn’t help smiling at Thor’s continued shouts. It sounded like Thor had gone out into the snowstorm that had whipped up outside, to shout in the middle of the field. Loki didn’t know who he was shouting to. Probably the whole universe, and whoever wanted to listen. _“DID YOU HEAR THAT? LOKI JUST GAVE BIRTH TO MY DAUGHTER! WE HAVE A CHILD NOW! AND SHE’S BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT, AND I LOVE THEM BOTH SO MUCH!”_

__

__

Loki breathed a laugh. He looked back to their baby. “Your father is an absolute loon,” he whispered to her. “But he means what he says. He loves you so much. And so do I.” His voice wavered under that knowledge, as the full force of his love hit him. “I love you _so much._ More than I’ve ever loved anyone. And I’ll do all I can to give you the best life possible. I swear it.”

She cooed at him. He fell in love all over again with each sound she made.

He noticed she was nuzzling into his chest. It took him a second to realize what she wanted.

But just as he tried getting in a more upright position to try feeding her, Thor softly opened the door. He was shirtless, and every inch of his skin was flushed bright red from the cold. Loki grinned. “You should have yelled louder,” he said, “I think a few people on Sakaar didn’t hear you.”

Thor breathed a laugh. “Sorry. I couldn’t help it.” His smile faded. “Did I disturb her?”

Loki shook his head. “I was going to try nursing her, though. Could you help me sit up?”

Thor rushed to his side without another word. Soon Loki was being eased back onto a pile of eight different pillows, propping him half-upright. 

Now situated, Loki clutched her head back to his chest, guiding her to his left nipple. He’d read that this could be tricky with some babies. They had some bottles prepared just in case, but Loki hoped they wouldn’t need them. 

But their daughter was as clever as her mother, and as ravenous as her father. She latched on within seconds, suckling heartily.

Loki sighed. This was what the books had meant about the ‘letting down’ sensation. There wasn’t anything better to describe it as, besides a ‘letting down.’ Like a dull pressure in his breast was relieved.

He gazed down at her fondly as she drank her fill. He was so connected to her in this moment, cradling her skin-to-skin, nourishing her from his own body. She relaxed so completely in his arms as she suckled. Knowing she was perfectly safe.

A similar feeling overcame Loki when he felt strong arms around him. Thor had climbed into bed, holding Loki to his chest. Watching over his shoulder while their daughter nursed.

When she’d had her fill and detached, a trickle of milk ran down her chin. Thor wiped it away with a corner of the emerald blanket around Loki.

His hand went back up to her face, but he stopped less than an inch away. “What is it?” Loki asked.

“I just…” Thor said, as he withdrew his hand further. “…I know my skin burns yours, when you’re…y’know, blue. I don’t want to hurt her.”

Loki hadn’t considered that. But he knew it wasn’t a necessary concern. “She is half-Asgardian,” he said. “And your hands were what brought her into the world. You won’t hurt her.”

Thor reached back to her. He still hesitated an inch away, as if bracing for her to start crying in pain when he touched her.

But she didn’t. She didn’t move as her father stroked her head. Her skin turned to more of a golden-peach hue wherever he touched her, but it faded back to blue in his fingers’ wake. It warmed Loki’s heart to see Thor—a man of such raw strength that he had used to kill thousands of his foes—touch his newborn daughter’s hair so tenderly.

“Her hair is blond,” Loki mentioned.

“Babies’ hair can change color as they get older,” Thor pointed out.

“Yes. But right now, she has your hair.”

Thor didn’t say anything to that. He didn’t need to; Loki could feel the pride radiating from his brother’s heart.

“Loki,” Thor whispered. Loki turned, to see Thor’s eyes glistening with tears, sending all his pride and love to him. 

“I am _so proud_ of you,” Thor said.

Loki smiled. Fuck, he was probably going to start crying, too.

“I’m so _proud_ of you,” Thor repeated. His hand on his daughter’s head now went to cup Loki’s cheek. Loki didn't even mind the heat of it. “You worked so hard to bring her here. You went through so much. And you did it. You…you made me a _father._ ”

There went Loki’s first tear, sliding down Thor’s fingers.

At least he wasn’t alone, as Thor was also starting to break down in tears. “I’m so glad you’re my brother,” he managed to say. “And the mother of my child. And the love of my life.”

Loki couldn’t help his sobbing laugh. Thor _wanted_ him by his side, in all the ways he yearned to be.

“I’m glad too,” he said. “That I can be all those things for you. And that you’re my brother, and the father of my child, and the love of my life.”

Thor kissed him gently. Between that and the hormones, Loki distantly realized he’d told Thor out loud that he was the love of his life. But considering they’d just had a baby together, who the Hel cared about mincing words at this point?

He chuckled wetly into the kiss. “Look at us. We’re such broken fools.”

Thor laughed too. He looked down at their daughter, sleeping soundly against Loki’s breast. “Well, we made something as beautiful and perfect as her. We must not be too far gone.”

Loki smiled further. He leaned his head against Thor’s as they looked at their daughter together. “Just promise me,” he whispered, “that we’ll raise her as she deserves. That we won’t fail her like our parents failed us.”

Thor kissed his cheek. “I promise. Our family won’t be built on secrets and lies. She will be raised with pride, and joy, and love.”

That promise cocooned Loki for the rest of the long night that winter solstice, as he and Thor cuddled each other close, and marveled at the perfect little baby they had made together.


	34. Epilogue (Sunshine)

So much had changed in eight months. Loki’s days with Thor had changed dramatically to accommodate their new family member. Thank the Norns they were now able to sleep all through the night. 

Loki’s body had changed, too. He still had his small breasts, as they were still in constant use. While his stomach had returned to a normal shape, some of the softness remained, along with a collection of silvery stretch marks. Thor adored it all. Loki, vain as he was, kept trying new creams and sparring routines to return to his pre-pregnancy appearance. 

Thor was helping him with the latter. And if their rounds of fighting outside always turned into rounds of frenzied fucking while their daughter took her naps…well. Exercise was exercise. 

But one of the biggest changes in their lives had at first been a surprise to Thor, albeit a welcome one: Loki had decided to start allowing certain visitors into New Asgard. A baby’s early socialization was important, along with amassing a collection of potential guardians should something happen to him or Thor. 

Not just any potential guardians, though. Certainly not anyone from Earth. Only those who had already proven to Loki that they could act in his interests with nothing to gain. For instance, by rescuing him and Thor from certain death in the wreckage of the _Statesman_ three years ago. 

Hence, his daughter’s most likely guardians were those who called themselves the Guardians of the Galaxy. 

Today, on this first cooler day at the end of summer, Loki had decided to hang back and watch them interact with her. He leaned back against one of the columns on the porch as he observed them about thirty yards away. 

The Guardians’ ship was there. They would bring Loki and Thor new goods every so often from across the galaxy. Thor was looking at all the new items with Rocket, Gamora, Nebula, and Quill. Thor had become quite the tinkerer in his spare time. (Though he was at an advantage: if any electronic gadget didn’t work, he could jumpstart it by unleashing a few volts of his own making.) 

The others were the ones Loki was watching. Because they were the ones with his darling girl. His beloved Gisla. 

Drax was holding her. That was good. Loki trusted him with a baby more than any of the others, having once been a parent himself. Groot—now a young adult of his species—was making small white flowers grow and retract from his fingertips in front of her face, in his version of Peek-A-Boo. Gisla would shriek in delight when a new flower appeared. 

Mantis, meanwhile, was touching her shoulder to feel her joy. Every time Gisla would laugh, all three of them would laugh as well. _“She’s SO HAPPY!”_ Mantis kept squealing. 

Loki smiled as he heard Gisla’s laugh. It still amazed him just how happy of a child Gisla was. One could be forgiven for forgetting that she was born from the moody, temperamental Loki Odinson, and not just because she was wearing her Asgardian skin for the summer. She clearly took after her father in her disposition, as well. 

Thor disagreed, of course. He said Gisla would grow to be as clever as Loki, if not more so. He also said that Loki wasn’t nearly as much of an emotional disaster as he thought of himself as. 

As the days went on, Loki was realizing more and more how right Thor was. And it was all because of her. Motherhood agreed with him. It calmed and mellowed him, smoothed over his jagged edges. He was infinitely more patient with the world, as she had taught him to be. 

Fatherhood agreed with Thor, too. He thrived with goodness around him, just as Loki thrived in chaos. A child was equal parts both. Becoming parents had made them better versions of themselves, and had strengthened their own relationship beyond what they’d thought was possible. They were a united front now. Nothing would ever break them apart again, not when they had a living, breathing embodiment of their love, who depended on them for everything. 

Loki’s eyes only shifted from Gisla when he saw Gamora approaching him from the ship. “You’re not joining them?” she asked, indicating those around his baby. 

“I wanted to see if they could do well with her,” he said. “And so far, they appear to be.” 

“Why? Is she going to become a Guardian one day?” 

Loki chuckled. “You all keep telling Thor and me that we’re honorary Guardians by now. Besides, a future Queen of Asgard should have allies throughout the universe.” 

Her next words sounded hesitant. “Speaking of which…we told Thor just now. That we might have found them.” 

“Who?” 

“The remainder of your people.” 

Something froze in Loki. His eyes, however, started flitting about the landscape. 

He and Thor had wondered, at first, if they might one day find the survivors of the _Statesman_ and settle them here. They’d asked around the planets they’d visited when they were collecting the materials for their home. But each new lead dried up quickly, and once their focus turned to their pregnancy and then caring for a newborn, they eventually gave up on searching the galaxy for subjects who may not even be there. 

But now they might be kings of more Asgardians than the three on Earth. If so, they were doing a terrible job so far, if they had abandoned their people for over three years now. 

Gamora was studying him with a sidelong glance. “We don’t know for sure. The transmission we picked up wasn’t clear. We can go investigate and report back to you.” 

Loki nodded. “We would appreciate it. But we may not do anything about it right away. If they’re still out there, they’ve survived without us for three years. They can wait a few more.” 

“For what?” 

“For Gisla to grow old enough for space travel. Given my history with children, you’ll understand why I wouldn’t want to part from her for any length of time.” 

Gamora smiled at that. But it soon vanished, as she grew somber. Loki had a feeling he knew what she would bring up next. It had been building between the two of them for some time. 

Sure enough, she said, “I’ve been meaning to tell you. About how sorry I am—” 

“You don’t have to,” Loki said. “I know you were tortured by him too, as were all his children.” 

Her eyes listed away from him. “That doesn’t excuse my part in your torture.” Her expression grew heavier. Loki recognized the feeling. Too many memories, which one would rather forget. 

“There are so many people in the galaxy who I wish I could apologize to,” she said quietly. “With most of them, I won’t ever get the chance.” She turned to him. “But I’ve been given the chance with you. So, I’m sorry.” 

Loki took her words in, not flinching away from her gaze. She was so sincere in what she said, neither dodging responsibility nor wallowing in self-pity. She was a far better person than Loki would ever be. 

Still, he didn’t want to leave any words unsaid here. “The entire time I was in Thanos’s grasp, you were the only one to show me any kindness.” 

“A jacket wasn’t much kindness.” 

“It didn’t take much. You were tortured, too. You know as well as I do, how much a small gesture can mean in the midst of such agony.” A smile slowly grew on her face. 

They heard another of Gisla’s peals of laughter. Thor had picked her up from Drax’s arms and was spinning her around above his head. Though it was more intense play than earlier, Loki immediately relaxed. Beyond himself, there was no one he trusted more with his baby than Thor. 

“How did you two even have a baby?” 

“What?” 

Gamora was eyeing him with a soft curiosity. “After the Outriders…I thought you couldn’t.” 

Loki noted that the mention of those monsters didn’t provoke a strong reaction in him. Creating so many positive memories with Thor and Gisla was the most likely reason. That, and hacking hundreds of the beasts to pieces three years ago. Whoever said violent retribution wasn't cathartic clearly hadn't cleaved an axe through their rapists' skulls. 

“I couldn’t,” he said, “for a long time. But neither I, nor Thanos, had counted on my brother’s power as a fertility god.” 

Gamora nodded. Then she seemed to realize what Loki was implying. She looked up to him with wide eyes, though her look soon turned cheeky. “Wait…do you mean…” 

“I do.” 

She had to fight hard to suppress her grin as she looked away. So did he. “Wow. I…would not have expected that.” 

“Imagine my surprise, to find my entire womb grew back in a month from my brother’s semen.” 

She burst out in giggles at that. She tried to cover it up with her hand, but it was too late. When she had herself more or less under control, she said, “Doesn’t that go to his head? I mean, most men already think their dick is magic, but to find out that his actually _is_ …” 

Loki shrugged. “Thor has done well with that knowledge on the whole. He does have his moments, but I have benefitted from those moments, more often than not.” 

He was impressed she merely raised her eyebrows at the insinuation. They looked back out to the others. Gisla was resting her head on Thor’s shoulder now. Quill was making funny faces at her to make her giggle, though Loki suspected he was doing so behind Thor’s back for a reason. 

“What do you think,” Loki asked Gamora, “should we tell Quill about this?” 

“Oh, that’s a terrible idea,” she said. “He’s just started getting comfortable around Thor. If he finds out he has an inferior penis, he’ll go berserk.” 

Loki grinned. That had been the reason he’d suggested telling Quill, after all. But, Gamora did genuinely care for the man. Perhaps he would keep his mouth shut. For now. 

“Gamora!” Quill called out to her. “We’re heading back out now!” 

Loki went with her toward the others. As they walked, Gamora said to him, “I’m happy for you. When we first met, you didn’t think you had a family. I’m glad you have one now.” 

Loki smiled. “I’m glad you have one, too.” 

She smiled back, and went to Quill to walk hand-in-hand to their ship. 

Drax and Groot kept saying goodbye to Gisla. “Your friends have to leave now,” Thor told her. “They’ll come visit another day.” 

Loki took her from Thor. “Come here, my darling,” he said. “You need a feed, and a nap.” He could have not said his next words, but he decided to go ahead: “You can play with your favorite uncle again next time.” 

Drax’s face lit up. _“HA! I TOLD YOU, QUILL!”_

__

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“C’mon,” Quill whined, “he was talking about me! I had just been making her laugh!” 

“Quill,” Rocket said, “she was laughing at your face on account’a it’s so ugly. Besides, everyone knows _I’m_ her favorite uncle, because I bring her the best toys!” 

“I am Groot!” 

“She does not like your flowers the best!” 

“I’m still her favorite, Quill!” 

“No, you’re not!” 

And so the bickering went, as they filed into their ship. Loki walked away from what he’d stirred up with a mostly-concealed grin. 

Concealed, that is, from everyone but Thor. He raised his eyebrows at Loki in a silent chastisement. “What?” Loki asked. “I may be more than the God of Mischief, but the God of Mischief nonetheless.” 

Thor chuckled, shaking his head fondly. “What am I going to do with you?” 

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll come up with something,” Loki purred. He all but sashayed back toward the house with Gisla, while Thor started to put away their latest delivery. The Guardians’ ship rose behind them, taking off to space again. 

Loki settled himself in the chaise lounge they’d built on their porch. Thor affectionately referred to it as ‘the outdoor nest.’ They kept it stocked with all manner of blankets and pillows for maximum comfort. It was Loki’s favorite place to nurse Gisla. 

The moment Loki climbed in, Gisla started pawing at his chest, her green eyes imploring up at his. “One moment, my love,” he soothed. Once he’d curled up in his usual spot, he unlaced his shirt with practiced movements to bare his right breast to her. 

She started suckling immediately. He sighed at the release of his milk. This was still his favorite thing to do with her. It was an intimacy no one else could have with her, not even Thor. 

He clutched her head close, stroking through her wispy blond hair. One of her hands came up to the other side of his chest. He let her grasp onto his shirt for a while, before sliding a finger toward her fist. She grabbed it out of habit. 

He didn’t look up to Thor’s footfalls clunking on the porch. As gently as possible so as not to disturb Gisla, Loki shifted forward some. It allowed Thor room to climb in behind him, so he could settle back against Thor’s chest. 

Just like they had the night their daughter had been born, Loki nursed Gisla while Thor held him. This, too, was a habit. The new Routine. 

Routines were not something Loki had had good experiences with. But he wouldn’t give these up for anything. 

In the safety of this routine, Loki found his eyes scanning the horizon. The fields of their kingdom sprawled around them. Maybe, if the Guardians returned with more information about the surviving Asgardians’ location, he and Thor could bring them here for a permanent settlement. 

A sudden happiness bloomed in his belly. He started laughing softly. 

“What is it?” Thor asked. 

Loki still laughed, until it ended with a contented sigh. Though he was more than just content right now. 

“I’m finally here,” he said. 

“What do you mean?” 

Loki looked around. At their house they had built with their own hands, which felt more like a home than the golden palace ever had. At Storm and Breaker, their kingly weapons which marked him and Thor as equals, leaning against the frame of their front door. At their baby girl, born from his womb, suckling at his breast. 

Home. A new world. And love. 

“I’m here,” he said. “Where I was always meant to be.” 

He wasn’t sure, at first, if Thor understood. But a second later, his arms around Loki tightened. He pressed a long, tender kiss to Loki’s neck. 

Loki settled into it. Into all of it. He stayed there for the next half hour nursing his daughter, while his brother held him and kissed his neck in their home they had built. And overhead, the midafternoon sun shone brightly on their kingdom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're done! It's a happy ending for Thor and Loki (I _told_ you!), but it's bittersweet for me. This story has been several different firsts for me. It's the first multichaptered Thorki story I ever *completed* (rip the fic ideas I abandoned after 1-2 chapters..) It's also the first multichaptered story I ever wrote completely in advance, so I was able to stick to a regular update schedule. That was completely by accident, because I had originally intended for this story to be a 20-30k oneshot. But once it grew past 50k, I knew I would need to break it up into multiple chapters. And that's how we got here!
> 
> This has been SUCH a rewarding experience for me to write and share with all of you. I've never been prouder of a work of fiction I've ever written. I'm thrilled it's been an enjoyable ride for so many of you as well. I promised in the tags that we would be going on a journey, and I'm so grateful so many of you buckled up and held on for the ride, all the way to the end!
> 
> I'll miss updating this every few days and hearing from all of you, but as a wise billionaire philanthropist once said, part of the journey is the end. Thank you all once again for sharing this with me. I hope you'll join me in my *eventual* update of What Makes a Marriage, or whatever other Thorki fic ideas I cook up in the future! Love you all ♥️


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